Brenda Hersey:  

. On Valentines day (remember the secret carnation sale – you could anonymously purchase a white, pink or red carnation) Billy's friends (who will remain nameless but only because I’ve forgotten their names – I’d totally out them if I remembered) sent me a dozen red carnations in Billy's name. I can actually remember how I felt when I got them. I was walking on air. Now, had I thought this through for even two minutes, logic would dictate that he hadn't sent me the carnations after all. He was nice to me, but not THAT kind of nice (I knew this despite what I wanted to believe) and he was too nice a person to be mean to my face. But, I was on cloud nine and the rational side of me was no where to be found. So I found him. And thanked him. In the library. In front of his friends. Ouch! To Billy's credit, instead of laughing at me (as his friends did - making quite a show if it), he apologized for his friends. And said he wished he HAD sent them. I understand now he meant he wished the gesture had been sincere, for my sake – but that’s not how I took it at all. When I said, “Really?” I thought his friends were going to die laughing. I think it was about 25 feet to the door, but it seemed like three miles. The only thing I could credit myself with that day was that I made it out of the library before I burst into tears. I didn’t let ‘em see me sweat. I don't often think of that day....but when I do it still has the ability to sting just a little. I don't hold any grudges, I'm a grown-up after all and I bet they all turned out to be great people. But I think if I saw any of those guys today, it might still sting...just a little. It's one of about 20 highschool moments that made highschool unbearable for me. I wish I could go back today and handle it differently - they way I handle things today with the wisdom of an adult. But that's just the kick of it - the wisdom doesn't come until it's too late to change it. Hmmmm? College Back in school after 20 LOOOOONG years. It's exhilarating and terrifying. I never did get my degree back when first went to UMASS from 1984 to December of 1988 (after many false starts even then). It has been a 15 year dream to go back to school, but life always seemed to get in the way, as it has a tendency to do. My company has encouraged me to make no more excuses, and they have really pushed me if not to help my career development but for personal growth. They're right....and so I begin.