Chris Hanks:  

CLASS OF 1985
Chris Hanks's Classmates® Profile Photo
Culver city, CA

Chris's Story

Now completely bald and weighing 408 lbs., I was recently hospitalized for having an ice cream scooper wedged in my thigh (left) after I'd rolled over onto my dinner tray in my sleep. I've attended bull fights, cock fights, gimp races, and dwarf tosses. Everyone has to draw a line somewhere, and I draw mine at paraplegic wrestling. I once bowled what I consider to be a "perfect" game. I'm strangely attracted to the Godzilla in Subway's "Five-Dollar Footlong" commercial. Once I bought some Books on Tape so I could read the box they came in. My dream - still - is to be a firefighter and, simultaneously, a career arsonist. I'm afraid of people who are afraid of spiders. While participating in Haiti's "Jog-a-limpics," I lost a small organ in a friendly belt-sander incide...Expand for more
nt; while recovering, I conceived of and opened Haiti's first one-hour photo store, "Port-au-Prints." For this I was awarded a small gold medal, which turned out to be foil-covered chocolate, which turned out to be carob. I'm alergic to water, cotton (NOT cotton candy), and any food with the color red in it (including cotton candy) except, strangely, pimentos. I'm proactive when it comes to cleaning the trunk of my car, but not when it comes to cleaning my feet (former friends lovingly call them "The Experiment"). I'm joking of course, as I famously no longer have feet. But don't worry: Being footless doesn't keep me from "kicking butt" at Friday night canasta club. Gladys knows what I'm talking about. I have my doubts, sure, but only when it comes to certain things.
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