Christine Crain:  

My most vivid memories of High School are of being bullied. Bad enough to be put in the ER twice. I acted brave, outrageous, a selective loner, but what I really wanted and needed was someone I could trust so I could break out of my terrifying and terrible silence. No one knew the trauma I'd suffered and was continuing to suffer during that time. And no one asked. And I wouldn't have been able to tell anyone if they did, I was groomed to be terrified of the "consequences" of telling anyone the truth. Most people just knew I was "weird," "smelly," or "obnoxious." And in retrospect, I understand those reactions. I wish they weren't justified, but because of my life and the circumstances I lived in, they were. Despite being Bi-Polar with ADHD, I acted out because I wanted someone to "see" me. My mother could have been a season finale of hoarders. They literally *tore down* my childhood home when we moved out. I lived in horrifying conditions, both physically and mentally, in ways that would have put me in the system and my mother (and maybe other family members) in prison for a very long time, had anyone known, but my silence was all but guaranteed. My family was comprised of people with serious mental health issues, ignorant racists, alcoholics, people with excessively rigid boundaries (others the opposite,) narcissists, and incestuous pedophiles. It's hard to remember, face and own my past, but Complex PTSD is like that. I had no understanding of healthy social relationships or boundaries. I still struggle sometimes. And for those of you who were actually kind to me, even a little (and some of you were,) you have my *eternal* gratitude. The only joy I had in my life during that time was music, and Jefferson gave me the ability to fly out of my mortal realities and soar through melodies and lyrics to f...Expand for more