Douglas McKelvey:  

Life The remote descendent of Scottish horse-thieving ancestors, Douglas Kaine McKelvey has already bested the dubious achievements of his predecessors by penning four published books, crafting lyrics for more than 225 songs recorded by a variety of artists, and engaging in numerous other writing-type endeavors. "“There’s no substantial proof we ever intended to do anything but borrow those animals long-term anyway,”" McKelvey offers, “"but the statute of limitations expired a good hundred and fifty years ago, so the bottom line is, we get to keep the horses.”" After a rough birthing amidst the nippy gales of New Hampshire, and a childhood spent frolicking amongst the piney woods of East Texas, McKelvey inadvertently enrolled in a futuristic, telethon-enhanced university where he learned to psychologically manipulate large groups of people. "“I didn’t go to school there intending to become a televangelist,"” Douglas remarks, gazing absently at a dim 40 watt bulb swinging languidly overhead, "“but if anyone out there has an extra hundred bucks, I guess I don’'t mind them sending it to me. Heck, even if ten dollars is all they’'ve got, I'’ll take it.”" After graduating with a questionable degree and nominal honors, McKelvey boot-scooted up to Nashville, Tennessee in pursuit of a performing career that never quite materialized--a misfortune he places squarely on the shoulders of inadequate technology. “ "Yeah, as it turns out, all the digital pitch correction in the world can’'t really make a doofus sound like Whitney Houston,"” McKelvey laments, his jaunty, cynical exterior only thinly masking an obvious wound. “"Not that I wanted to sound like Whitney Houston…... and not that I’'m a doofus either!”" Still, he managed to find work in Music City as a lyricist, children’s book author, concept developer, lyricist, video director, lyricist, and lyricist. "“My career goal was always to be simultaneously employed and unemployed,"” Douglas says, “"or was it employed, but unemployable?...Expand for more