Glenn Michaels:  

Glenn is from Brunswick, Maine. Glenn's schools include Glenbrook South High School. Glenn later attended Lindenwood University. Glenn works(ed) at Volunteers Of America, Volunteers Of America Northern New England. Music Glenn likes includes Straight No Chaser. TV shows Glenn likes include This Old House. One of Glenn's favorite quotes is:"These are actually my favorite jokes. What does your father do for a living? He is a magician. He cuts people in two. Do you have any brothers or sisters? Yes, one half-brother and one half-sister.... Adam and Eve were naming animals. Adam saw a big creature with a horn on its face and said, "What shall we call this one?" "Why don't we call it a rhinoceros"? "But, why?" "Because it looks more like a rhinoceros than anything we've seen so far." Did you know Dorothy from The Wizard of Oz could have gone back home ---- she did have a debit card with her? But there were no banks in Oz, that's why she kept crying out "ATM! ATM!" A man walks into a clock repair shop and the repairman is German and says: So? Vat sims to be ze problem? It's my grandfather clock. It doesn't go 'tick- tock-tick-tock' anymore. Now it just goes 'tick...tick...tick. Mmm-Hm! I sink I can fix zis. Let me look inside. Ve haf vays of making you tock! Three businessmen on a plane. First guy says, "That suit looks great on you. You must be a Harvard man." Second guy says, "Yes, thank you. I did go to Harvard. And with that classy briefcase, I would guess that you went to Yale." First guy says, "Yes, I am a Yale man." They both look at the third guy, and they say, "You must have gone to University of Oklahoma." Third guy says, "Why yes, I did. How could you tell?" "We saw your class ring when you picked your nose." It got cold in Minnesota and the nudist camp put out a sign, "We are open but we are clothed". There was a midget who joined a nudist colony but he was asked to leave because he kept poking his nose into everybody's business. They found a big hole in the wall around the nudist camp. The police are looking into it. So the priest wanted to get away from his priesthood for an afternoon and he went to a nudist camp and a beautiful young woman walked up and said, "Hi Father." He said, "How did you know it was me?" She said, "I'm Sister Catherine, remember?" Please, help me. I haven't eaten anything for days. God, I wish I had your willpower. Pablo Picasso surprised a burglar at work in his studio. The burglar got away, but Picasso told the police he could do a rough sketch of what he looked like. On the basis of his drawing, the police arrested a mother superior, a washing machine, and the Eiffel tower. The man and wife walked out of divorce court in Mississippi and the man said, "Stop crying. So we got a divorce-----You're still my cousin!" So there was the robber who broke into the public radio station and stole a hundred thousand dollars worth of pledges. A Baptist preacher and a priest sat next to each other on a plane. When the flight attendant asked what they'd like to drink, the priest said he'd like a glass of wine. The preacher asked for a soft drink saying Christians should avoid alcohol. The priest said, "Jesus drank wine." The Baptist said, "I know and I would have thought a lot more of Him if he hadn't." Ask me what's the secret of comedy OK, what's the – TIMING!__________________________ You can say what you like about pedophiles, but at least they drive slowly past schools and playgrounds. Doctor, do you realize you have a suppository behind your ear! I know, and somebody's got my pen and I'm not sure I want it back. I wrote a single entendre but it wasn't funny at all, so I put two of them together...if you know what I mean. A mother took her little boy to church. While in church the little boy said, "Mommy, I have to pee." The mother said to the little boy, "It's not appropriate to say the word 'pee' in church. So, from now on whenever you have to 'pee' just tell me that you have to 'whisper.'" The following Sunday, the little boy went to church with his father and during the service said to his father, "Daddy, I have to whisper." The father looked at him and said, "Okay, whisper in my ear." Management was trying to make us a paperless office and then they gave us a paperless bathroom. Because the manager was a very constipated accountant and he just couldn't budge it. A man walked into work on Monday with a black eye. His boss asked what happened. The man said, "I was sitting behind a big woman at church. When we stood up to sing hymns, I noticed that her dress was caught in her crack, so I pulled it out. She turned around and glared at me." "Where did you get the shiner?" the boss asked. "Well," the man said, "I figured she didn't want it out, so I pushed it back in." A little old man shuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split. The waitress asked, 'Crushed nuts?' 'No, arthritis.' Why do Italian men have mustaches? So they can look like their mothers. Didja hear about the Italian mailman who was charged with sexual harassment? ----He was caught lookin uppa somebodies addressa. What did God say after creating man? --- He said, I can do better than this. ---- Why is divorce so expensive? -----Because it's worth it. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. Once there was a woman's brain cell that got trapped in a man's head. She looked around and saw that the whole thing was empty. She called, "Hello, is anyone there? Hello?" Suddenly she heard voices from far away, "We're down here..." Men are all alike, they just have different faces so you can tell them apart. But don't get me wrong. Men are good. They can multitask---- I mean, they read on the toilet. Why do women knit? It gives them something to think about when they're talking. How many men does it take to change a lightbulb ? ----- None. Men don't change lightbulbs; they think they can turn them on just by rubbing up against them. ------Did you know that studies show that a woman is turned on by different things, depending on where she is in her menstrual cycle. If she is ovulating, she is attracted to strong men with rugged masculine features. And if she is just about to menstruate, she is more attracted to a man with a knife in his chest and tape over his mouth while he is on fire. ...Expand for more