Gus Marx:  

I'm not dead, yet. Stories, by definition, have a beginning, middle, and end. I may be deluding myself here, but I'd like to think I haven't even reached the middle yet. If I were to write a story about me--after I died--it would have to include at least three of the models from the ads to both the left and right of this window. Singlesnet.com and Intimatepartners.com assure me that Amanda23 (a decade and a half younger than me) lives just three miles away and wears a string bikini most days and, most important, is very interested in me. To be honest, I haven't seen many women in Juneau, AK wearing string bikinis this time of year . . . or any other time of year. The average temperature is, like, 46 degrees, and Amanda23 is wearing a bikini. For me, I'm sure. If this were my story, I'd also include something about protecting some small coastal town from some undersea terror that's been devouring boaters, swimmers, vacationers, and fishermen alike. I think, however, I'd run afoul of some copyright law or other. Still, my death, the climax of the story, should have me saving someone or something from a burning structure. I really want it to be saving a kid from a four-story building (or a big house), but I'd be just as happy pulling a kitten from a box that someone caught fire with the careless flick of a cigarette. The resolution of the story would have my body tossed into the ocean to ...Expand for more