Howard Hockenberry:
CLASS OF 1972
Mukwonago High SchoolClass of 1972
Mukwonago, WI
Howard's Story
My story? Where to begin? I'm afraid most of you couldn't or wouldn't be able to understand, let alone believe my story.
So I'll leave it at that for today.
I will say this however, "Never", and I can't stress the importance of this enough, "NEVER, listen to Pink Floyd backwards"!
Well, I've decided not to go into the mundane details of it all. (Things have been pretty weird though).
To think back on it, I don't believe it. Not all of it anyway.
Would I do it all over again? Well, do to the aspects of time travel, I would have to say, "We are all destined to live our lives exactly the same, no matter how hard we may try not to".
Trust me, this is true. (patent pending) I've seen the math.
OK, so I know what you're thinking, "Old Howard's gone crazy on us"? Not true.
So sit back, relax, and enjoy the show,
She came over again last night. Making demands of me. I was tired. I didn't want to listen and I didn't want to argue. ( She is just some of the weirdness). So I went for a walk. I love to walk lately. I think about what's to come next for me. I let my mind wander. It's always good. I'm always doing something great. It almost always involves Janeane Garofalo. She's my drummer. We're the house band at "Gold Miner's Daughter".
Anyway, when I got back she was gone. So I barricaded the doors. (I have to get those keys back!!!). I knew that that wouldn't be the end of it though. Sure of enough, 1:00 in the morning and who's pounding at my door? She had been drinking. She was crying. Like a sap I let her in and dried her off. It's always the same old stuff. I need a drink myself. Ah the heck with it. I went to back to bed.
I hate it when she gets her way.
I had this friend, his name was Pete. He used to come over to drink beer and play guitar. On those rare occasions, when I had had to much to drink, I would start to analyze the sh_t out of everything. This would really get on his nerves.
One day he comes over and I'm like, "Dude! You're all yellow"!!! He goes, "Shut Up! No I'm not". And I'm like, "Seriously, you're all yellow". "You should have that checked out".
Pete started freaking out pretty badly.
They gave him 6 months to live. He lasted 4. He had pancreatic/liver cancer. I don't think I saw him again after that. At first he was too busy trying to stay alive and then he was too busy preparing to die. I never went to his funeral. I forgot. I hope he didn't notice.
I'm not sure when, but a day later or so, I saw this spider in my kitchen. I felt right away it was Pete. It would come down from its perch in the morning and join me for a cup of tea.
On those rare occasions, when I've had to much too drink, and I start to analyze the piss out of everything, he shrugs and returns to his perch. I think it still gets on his nerves.
I won 12 million dollars in the lottery. It's all gone now. At least I think it's all gone. There could be some somewhere, but to be honest with you, I can't remember.
(those indeed were some bizarre times).
It was such a long time ago.
It's like the time a friend of mine had a birthday gift for my niece that he wanted me to give her for him. (I think he was trying to impress her)? I put it some place for safe keeping and for the life of me I do not know what I did with it.
I gave her a card instead and said, "Here, Sean likes you".
Her immediate response was, "Sean who"?
I slowly shook my head and said, "it doesn't matter".
Sean came over and was pretty excited. He wanted to know how she liked his gift.
"Sorry, she wasn't impressed" was all I said.
well that's it for today.
Beth Ann called today. She just left as a matter of fact. Her scent still lingers. She was looking for some of her things and was wondering if she had left them here. I told her I didn't think so, but that she was welcome to come over and look.
Beth is a 20 something I met a year or so ago. I'm not really sure when. Who really keeps track of that stuff?
She's a sweet kid. A bit flighty though and prone to making poor decisions. Probably including me.
Beth is not to be confused with her! The one that shall remain nameless. The one I conjured up while in the deep dark depths of despair!
Beth looked around a little. I let her take what ever she wanted. I have found that it is always easier that way.
"Oh Wow"! I just found I've glued something to the floor, BUMMER!!!!
sorry. that's it for today!!!
I guess that's where that's staying.
I'm not sure, but I think Pete just tried to bite me! I almost squished him! I have half a mind to throw him out into the wild!
I've been thinking about going out west skiing. I used to love to ski. I'd ski every chance I could get. I've been told I was pretty good. I usually go some where at least twice a year. I went to Sun Valley for a few days and then drove to Powder Mountain for about a week a couple of weeks ago. We were heli-skiing. It's pretty much fun. Sun Valley had pretty good conditions. We got around 6-10 inches of fresh snow every day. The place was almost empty. Except that there were cougars every where. I tried to bag a couple of them, but no luck.
Any way I'm not as fond of it as I used to be.
One time at Solitude, or was it Alta? Hold on would you?
Huh, It turns out it was at St. Anton, in Austria.
I was tree skiing with a couple of friends. I was bring up the rear. We were all skiing at a pretty good pace. When I come across my friends screaming at me to stop. I tried to stop, but my momentum (actually it was more like the snow gave way beneath me) carried me right off this cliff. Now, I'm not sure if I really remember this actually happening or if I remember because I've heard the story so many times. I suffered from something called a sub-dermal hematoma. The doctor had to relieve the pressure in my head. I had amnesia for a while as well. I'm not sure for how long. Some times I think I still have it. My friends say that they wished they had caught it on film.
Ah, we all laugh about it now.
got to go
I almost forgot. I saw Liz yesterday. Liz is a dear friend, that I would do almost anything for. She's a really good person. She's a survivor of lymph node cancer. She went thru some pretty scary times. I hadn't seen her in months or least I think it's been months. I really don't keep track of time any more. Not in the traditional sense. (it's such a nasty little invention.)
I forgot how much I enjoyed our conversations. We used to talk all the time, until her husband was diagnosed with some kind of heart disease. Now she's to busy caring for him.
We talk about the goofiest things and laugh all the time. It never ceases to amaze me how she looks at every thing with such wide-eyed wonderment.
I didn't ask about Tom. Try as hard as she might, you can always see her transform right before your eyes. In as much as I care for that Liz, I prefer the happy Liz. He must be doing alright. She would have told me otherwise.
Which brings me to "I'M GOING TO STAY IN BED ALL DAY TO DAY!!!" I'm only getting up to go to the bathroom, or get something to eat, or go for a walk, or if Beth Ann comes over. She should be at work though and she has plans with some of her friends for tonight. I'm not sure what. I have found to learn enough to show you care, but not so much as to seem like you're prying. Although, if they give it up, by all means let them. I mean don't stop them, but you best be prepared to pay attention, because you asked for it.
Plus, the Devil woman isn't due back until the next full moon.
life is good, except,
Boo keeps hassling me! She wont tell me what she wants!
Which reminds me, "Where the heck is that maid"? "I hope I didn't fire her again"?
I don't know if you are aware of this or not, but the person that coined the phrase "Ladies first" was an incredible genius.
My brother and his family left for Peru today. They wanted me to come along. I wanted to go, but, and you have no idea how much this pains me to say, but "time constraints" wouldn't allow it. Now that I've said that out loud, I hear how ridiculous that sounds. Either you do things or you don't. I now realize I should have gone. Time has no control over things of that nature. Or at least it shouldn't.
"Wow" I think I dozed off there. what time is it? What, what day is?
Oh my gosh, I've got to go!!
Definitely not one of my better Ideas!!
You know how sweet life can be. That's why I keep myself free.
I was visited by Death again last night. It was teasing me. Taunting me, Trying to frighten me. Worst of all, mocking me. We have a deal. It wanted to remind me how fragile every one is and how it can sneak up on you. Take you without warning. It didn't frighten me to much. I know how it ends. I've seen my own death.
I've seen a lot. Through out my life I've seen things. People have always told me to dismiss them. "That I was seeing things". "It's your imagination". Or the ever popular, "you don't know what your talking about". Then there's my favorite "You're Crazy". So I've learned to ignore the things I see. I wish I hadn't. It's a skill that, I have come to realize, came in handy. I'm not saying I'm psychic. Not by any stretch of the imagination. It's that you see some thing and "you know".
I wanted to tell you about Steve and his time machine, (this is where it really gets weird), but my thoughts have been scattered lately. They are fragmented. Just little bits and pieces. Things that only make sense to me. (I hate when this happens). it's like looking in a mirror that has been smashed into hundreds of pieces. I've seen a doctor, but the meds she gave me got me higher than any pot I've ever smoked. She feels I'm on a psychotic adventure. What ever that means? Boo tells me I should take them, but I tell her, "I'll ride it out". She usually rolls her eyes and shakes her head. Same with my doctor. I think she wonders why I even come to her?
"I've seen the best minds of my generation destroyed by l...Expand for more
ysergic acid diethyl-amide".
BOO GET ME A SYPHON!!!! "OH HOLY COW"!!!
I blame that damn time machine for all of this.
Well it's such a beautiful day out. I think I'm going to go get "Saved" if you catch my meaning? If you get my drift?
And enjoy it.
Later.
Early today Boo and I chased Mickey Mouse around the kitchen. We were both screaming. I was screaming "get him, get him, get him"!!! and Boo was just screaming.
It's the craziest thing. I was sitting at the kitchen table when, from out of the cupboard beneath the sink, Mickey Mouse came out and went into another cupboard. He had on this stupid grin.
What the F___!?!
I said, "Boo come here, you've got to see this". She said, "what"?. I asked her, "how long has Mickey Mouse lived in the cupboard under the sink here in the kitchen"? She said, "What"!?!? said, "Watch". "He'll come out of this cupboard and go into that one". So we sat there a while and sure enough, he came out of one cupboard and went into the other. I asked, "Did you see that"? She said, "Ah, no? I missed it". She had that look in her eye. I said, "When he comes out of this one, don't let him get into that one'. "Okay"?
She reluctantly said, "Okay". So the next time he came out I yelled, "NOW"!!!! The chase was on. To bad it was short lived. Unfortunately, after a little bit of a chase, he was able to hop up onto the counter and escape down the drain in the sink.
Boo said, "I didn't see that coming". We both started laughing. We laughed so hard, tears rolled down our cheeks. Boo said, "I guess we should have put water in the sink".
"Yeah, next time", I said.
She then asked if he'd be back anymore today?
I shrugged a little and said, "I don't know" ? She asked, "should we wait again"? I said, "no" "I'm going to go for a walk. Do you want to come"? She said, "no". She wanted to read her book. She's reading "Ulysses" by James Joyce. We were reading the dictionary together, webster's new world, until I seem to have lost my focus. (Sometime in January). I told her to keep reading if she wanted to, but said she would wait. Then she found my copy of Ulysses and started reading that instead. I've tried to read it quite a few times, but have never gotten more than four or five pages into the 2nd chapter. I guess I can't relate to it, or I find it to be boring. I've heard how great it is. I've also heard that it is a little "risque". I think I should really read it before I let Boo read it. Or at least read the cliff notes? It's probably to late. I think she is almost done with it.
A great thinker once told me, "Once expanded, the mind never returns to it's original size". Mark Jaske 1972.
and then along comes Mary.
time to go.
"What is life, once you stop experiencing it"?
Well it was inevitable, it was bound to happen. If I wasn't so preoccupied with some thing else, I would have seen it coming sooner. As it turns out all my efforts to keep my friend Sean and my niece finding out about the gift, have been for not. I knew I shouldn't have written about it.
You see, the things I write about, some times happen. I'm not saying that every thing I write comes to life, but it has happened enough to have me take notice. I have learned to use this to my advantage, but have also learned that there are dire consequences that come with it. (Fudd's law of Opposition.) I must be willing to take the hit.
I used to write all the time. I have countless note books I have filled with scribbling. Some are strange little stories that make no sense. Others are flat out incoherent ramblings that not only make no sense, but can be difficult to read. Some are about failed relationships. The she devil has several volumes all unto herself. I've also written about people who I thought were my friends. In any case I put my heart into these stories.
I want to burn them. All of them. I've built fires a few times to destroy them, but every time, stand there frozen. I can't bring myself to toss them in.
The problem is that the fear of living those pages is less frightening than the fear of being trapped in those pages.
"What"? "I know I'm off point"." Yes I know"!!! "Who's telling this story"? "All right then"! "Don't you have some friend you should be texting"? "Go". I said, "Go"! "Wow".
I'll pick one up every once in a while, read a little bit, throw it back down and say to myself, "Idiot"!
Anyway, Sean and my niece run in two different circles. About the only time they run into each other are at some of my families get together'. Sean is an old family friend and usually show's up. He is always welcome. Well a mutual friend passed away recently and both Sean and Jenny were able to get together at the funeral. Now them together isn't the problem. The problem started when Sean asked Jenny what she thought of the gift he had for her. She said, "What gift"? Well, they both looked at me and all I could say was, "What"? After explaining what had happened, Boo and I have spent the last few days tearing this place apart looking for it. I can remember the first place I put it, but remember moving it to replace it with some thing else. After that it's anybodies guess. Boo keeps asking, "what are we looking for again"? "I don't know"? is all I can tell her. "Well, how will we know when we find it then"? she asks. "I'll know, you'll know, WE'LL KNOW"!!! I tell her.
My head is hurting.
We've found some things though. We found Beth Ann's iPOD. She was happy about that. We found some reefer (I couldn't tell you how old that is. I haven't done that in years. (Except for those rare occasions when I've had to much to drink). Boo found some cash. She said she wouldn't tell me how much it was unless I let her keep it. I told her not to tell me how much it is and she could keep it. "Deal"! Now she is running around with a new cell phone. (She is on her own on that one).
Mary is going to be pissed. She has warned me more than once "She isn't going to clean these messes up"!!!! And I've out done myself.
Did I happen to mention? "My head hurts".
all right then.
I can't help but feel the need to get back to the "EDGE".
"SET MY SOUL FREE".
How fitting? If only you knew.
I will be back. You know I will. I can't stay away. I'm addicted to it.
If not for Boo, my sky would fall, rain would gather too. With out her love I'd be no where at all. I'd be lost, if not for Boo.
I just put Pete out side. Boo was happy about that. I had just got him to sit on my shoulder too. I hope he'll be all right.
Well Pete found his way back in some how. I'm not sure how? I know what you're thinking, "How does he know it's Pete"? Well I'll tell how I know. "He came down from his perch and sat on my shoulder". That's how.
I'm crabby to day. I've been worried about my farm. My hired help hasn't shown up yet and my crops need harvesting.
Well, I met a new woman recently. Her name is Vicki. I can't help but feel that she is toying with me. I am not one to be toyed with anymore. I'm not overly fond of being trifled with either. I'm sure she doesn't know any better. Most people don't. I was thinking about setting the "Hound from Hell" on her. Put the fear of God into her, but, and there is always a but, but the other night we were out with a couple of her friends and one of them told me that she, Vicki, is bipolar. I don't know what that means, but I am pretty sure I don't like it.
I think I may have found a new calling, "Mending Fences". It used to be, "Burning Bridges".
I moved out of the house, you moved next door!
I locked you out you, you cut a hole in the wall!
I found you sleeping next to me, I thought I was alone!
You're driving me CRAZY, when are you coming home?
It seems like it's time to wrap this thing up. (They aren't going to let me write much more any way.) I'll have to admit, it's been fun. Kind of therapeutic. I doubt if I'll ever be back.
What's done, "Is Done". (I've been taught by some of the best.)
I can leave you with this though. I've climbed Mountains. I've tamed Dragons. I've rescued Damsels in distress. I've defeated Enemies. I've counseled with Wizards, then conjured up Demons. I've spoken with the Dead. (Yes they speak. You have to listen.) I've Walked with Saints. I've laid down with Sinners. I've Dined with Royalty. I've Dined with Vagrants. (Their not that different you know? They are both free, yet both are imprisoned.) I've helped topple Empires. I've had the Rug pulled out from under me. I have Loved and have Been Loved. I've been Helped by Total Strangers and I've been Betrayed by People I thought were Good Friends. (You know who you are.)
I have managed to Pick the Locks on some of Life's Greatest Mysteries. (some) Where I was both Marveled and Horrified, all at the same time. (It seems like I can't have one without the other.) These are things that I can't put down in writing. Without experiencing them, you could neither understand nor believe them. Most people would have closed their eyes, squeezed them tight, counted to three and hope that it was over. As for me, I didn't even want to blink for fear that I would miss some thing. I've lived a life that would have crushed a lesser Man.
Yet in spite of all of this, I still don't know what my Purpose is here. What's it all for? Some day I suppose?
And thru it all, the good times, the bad times, (we've all had our share.), thru the highs and the lows. There has been one thing that has always been a constant for me. "Always". It has never let me down. "Never".
That is, Things always work out, in "THE END".
Believe it or Not.
So go and enjoy what's left of your life. I know I'm going to go enjoy what's left of mine.
Boo wanted to say good bye, but I told her "NO". "Go write your own story". So I think she is? She's a clever one that one is.
Mary found that gift. In case you were wondering. She knew where it was all along. Go figure?
Or should I say, "How Weird"?
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