Ian Forsythe:  

I must apologize to all of you. This story is a work in progress. I WILL finish it, I promise. And I did some of those story wizard things. I know this is weird, so get some sleep. I started my career with nothing. And I still have most of it left. Right after high school, I moved to Mexico to farm broccoli. After being sworn at in Spanish (they have some not so nice words), I quickly moved back to the United States and settled down in Intercourse, Pennsylvania. There I started the first ever topless tobacco farm. Since the guys kept getting sunburned, they'd quit within a week and then swear at me in Spanish (I wondered what all those Spanish classes were for. I knew there must be more to Spanish than just holding up a hotel and stealing the beds). Guess I shouldn't have brought so many workers from the broccoli farm(NOT illegally) to Pennsylvania with me. I sold the tobacco farm to Phillip Morris. With the money, I tried to start something unique, a nudist bee farm. After everyone got stung, and all the bees died, I moved to Toronto, Canada. I don't remember much of my time there due to time in rehab for a pocket lint addiction. I always wanted to be a dork when I grew up. My family and friends thought that was a great idea. As it turns out, they were right. If I'm going to work somewhere, I need to have beer, tequilla, and scotch to be able to deal with the day-to-day. My current age is 37. When I was 12, I thought that people my age now would be OLD. I was so completely correct. I share my home with free range chickens, which I find delicious.. Why does everyone say they are going to "kick it up a notch"? Are they ALL channeling Emeril Lagasse? These...Expand for more