James Zaininger:
CLASS OF 1992
Piedmont Hills High SchoolClass of 1992
San jose, CA
James's Story
Life
since i'm writing this myself it is actually a life AUTObiography, but thats really not important and i shouldn't have brought it up. anyways, 19 days from now i'll be turning 30, which is something i never thought would or could happen. but apparently it is. frankly i can't wait to get the goddamn thing over with. being 29 has got to be the worst form of torture known to man. it is the year in which the dullness settles in and all hopes for excitement, orgies, thrills, titilations, meaning, and freedom disappear into thin air. conformity is really the only way in which to live and anyone who tells you otherwise should be shot. this being so, i have decided to give up the joys of promiscuity and fetishism in order to be married both legally and in the eyes of God! soon my mail order bride will be arriving from the philipines, and we shall live happily ever after. i can just see it now: me standing ou...Expand for more
tside watering the lawn in a wife beater shirt with my hand down the front of my underpants, scratching myself publically, burping, farting, and engaging in small talk with the neighbors, who will become uncomfortable and try to get away as quick as possible. then wifey will come outside with a cold glass of lemonade and a bottle of mescal and i'll turn on the sprinklers and sit on a lawn chair while she washes the cars. for kicks i'll shot at stray cats and if i'm not too drunk i'll even get up and windex the windows, since clear vision is of the utmost importance in my world. so i'll see you all at the 20th reunion! you may not recognize me because i've ballooned up to over 350 pounds, but i still have that same award-winning smile i've always had. (although i'm missing several teeth and have had portions of my bottom lip removed after coming down with a bad case of the cancer from chewing too much tobacco.)
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