Jerry Guerra:
CLASS OF 1979
Franklin High SchoolClass of 1979
Franklin, MA
Jerry's Story
Hi, everyone. I've lived a pretty typical life since leaving good, old FHS.
Shortly after graduation, I moved to St. John, New Brunswick, and began growing marigolds and yellow squash to sell at my roadside stand. To make extra cash, I trafficked in black market exotic pets, including tarantulas, lemurs and an occasional duck-billed platypus. (Don't believe the hype; they're mean as hell and not at all cute.)
In my early 20s, in anticipation of the collapse of Soviet communism, I became a soldier of fortune. Eschewing the "commercial" wars in Grenada and the Falklands, I focused on little-publicized skirmishes on the islands of St. Thomas and Aruba. Most of these conflicts were settled, not with guns and explosives, but with walnut-sized stones and scathing put-downs, usually related to the victim's manner of eating.
In 1991, I fathered sextuplets with an Argentinean woman whose name I can't remember. She left me shortly after the birth to return to her native Peru (she may actually have been Peruvian) to run for public office. In 2001, while we were living in Lich...Expand for more
tenstein, the children petitioned for independent status. Their request was granted by a judge who had been bribed with a Michael Jordan rookie card and a year's supply of head cheese. It pains me to say that the kids hardly ever write, partly because of their antipathy for me and partly because I never taught them how.
From age 32 to 37, I lived entirely underground. Food was scarce, but it was a relatively stress-free existence.
In my 38th year, I emerged again topside and briefly married the actress Carmen Electra. Tara Leigh (as her parents and I affectionately called her) left Dennis Rodman for me...and vice versa.
In the early 2000s, I was in a traveling ensemble of Ca-ats, an unauthorized interpretation of the long-running Broadway show seen through the eyes of a feline suffering from chronic hair balls. We never made it to Broadway -- or even to off-off-Broadway -- but we brought down the house in Ashtabula, Ohio.
Since 2005, I have been posing as a woman in her mid-70s in an assisted living facility in Buda, Texas. Drop by and visit. Ask for Annette.
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