John Deshaw:
CLASS OF 1975
Brooklyn High SchoolClass of 1975
Brooklyn, OH
John's Story
Life
MY STORY as I told it at my church in Sacramento, CA:
I grew up enjoying being Catholic, even considered the priesthood but my life as a teenager didnÂt look unique. I was longing for affirmation I didnÂt get from my father and sought it through sports, music, girls, drinking & some drugs. My family didnÂt express feelings & any conflict received silence and avoidance. I didnÂt learn to communicate feelings but I longed for acceptance & to know that as a man, I Âhad what it takesÂ.
By college I knew if I was to know God and His plan for me it was up to me to seek Him. A guest speaker on campus set out to prove God dead, the Bible a fairy tale and Jesus still in His grave but after years of research He couldnÂt and instead invited Jesus into His life to use him for His purposes. I wanted to know that God of the Bible and a life of significance for Him. I asked Jesus to lead me & got involved in ministry & started a successful Bible study fellowship. I felt significant, life was easy. But the real life training was soon to begin.
I met an adventurous woman in ministry but despite warning signs we married a few years later. The next 6 years were shocking and painful. She married me hoping I was GodÂs method of freeing her from her bondage of immorality. I gave everything learning how to love her unconditionally. She simply wanted to be free from the guilt of not being able to love. I was devastated. After our divorce I learned her adultery continued during our marriage. PainfullyÂ
, I learned what I didnÂt while growing upÂ
.compassion, steadfast commitment and how to communicate emotions. I was changed forever.
A few years later I met Patty at church while serving others. She was looking for a man who had learned to trust God through tragedy. Though GodÂs design was never divorce he had used it to change me into a man Patty would otherwise not have been attracted to. We were married and life was good.
After a few years our son Kart was born very premature, in...Expand for more
intensive care for 7 weeks & needed various therapies for years. We waited to have another child but soon after a miscarriage Patty became very ill to the point of not being able to drink water & dropped below 100 lbs. She was hospitalized for a month. Over the next 5 years our family had 7 surgeries. I also had attempted several business start-ups, none of which resulted in reasonably significant results. Much sowing but Âapparently not equal reaping.
Nine years felt like such a barren, dry time. I wasnÂt feeling significant success in God, friendships or business. Asking, ÂGod, are you even involved? Where are you? I had such a longing to get on with my heartÂs desire to serve others and bring significant benefit to their lives but our issues took so much time and energy.
I have gained significant revelation and freedom since coming to THE ROCK. Faith is what pleases God so I want more trustÂ
but tests are what God uses to build trust. So all my apparent disappointments are really tests to trust Him. As for the sowing and reapingÂ
in business I think Âsow now and surely ÂGod will bless us soon. IÂve believed results demonstrate GodÂs blessing. Therefore, if there are no tangible results, God is not blessing me. What if God chooses the reaping to come 2 or 3 business attempts later, 6 or 10 years later? What if the reaping comes in a form different from what IÂve sownÂ
such as deeper compassion for those hurtingÂ
or enduranceÂ
or relating to those in long term illnesses? Is that any less God? So IÂm learning to no longer live in disappointment if the results of my efforts arenÂt what I hoped. In fact IÂm learning to not have a preference in the outcome. If IÂve chosen to trust God then the results are up to Him. That has helped me see the value in my disappointments and apparent failures and be grateful for them instead of sad. I am learning to find fulfillment in what God wants for the results, no matter how it looks. With that perspective, I love my life.
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