John Kelly:  

meh... I'll share my coma story...This is what drugs can do to you...lmao. I call it "My Trip to Alaska" My trip to Alaska This is the story of my recent illness. On July 5th 2006, my colon ruptured and I spent 6 weeks in the hospital. During the 4 weeks I was in a coma,I had what I now know was a dream, but at the time it was as real to me as the sun rising in the morning. After I was released to go home and I would talk to friends and family, everyone wants to hear about was my comatose experience. So I've decided to share this experience by writing this story. Now keep in mind that I was on drugs during all this. In my case, I think it was just my body escaping the reality of what I was going through. I'll start with a little history of my illness for those of you that may not know. I¿ve had 5 surgeries in the last 10 years on my abdomen. The scar runs from the bottom of my belly button to the top of my groin. Every time they operated they would open up the same scar. Needless to say, it was never really able to heal properly. My first bout with this problem happened when I drove out here to Arizona from Indiana. I had bad constipation and wasn't able to take a number 2 for 2 or 3 weeks. My wife, Renee, is in the medical profession. She and her sister were diagnosing me. Given that they both had been to medical school I listened. Renee thought it was a gall bladder attack. I disagreed, so to test her theory I sent her to Wendy¿s to get me a triple with cheese. Knowing it was 90% grease I was going to prove that that wasn't the problem. Rule number 1....When you can't crap, DON¿T eat crap. This made matters worse. Tammy, Renee¿s sister and an RN in Chicago, suggested I drink a 12 pack of beer to get things moving. This was something that, at the time, sounded very good to me - kill the pain and get a buzz at the same time. After all, she is a nurse so who am I to argue. Off to the store I went to get a case of Bud. After about an hour or 2 of drinking I felt pretty good, but I still didn't go. Rule number 1....Alcohol is not a very good medication. Skip it when you¿re ill. After a week or so, whatever was going on with me subsided but my morning ritual of making a pot of coffee and then heading to the "pot" was over, my bowel movements were no longer on a routine schedule. Most of my life I had been able to set my watch by my trips to the throne. Since I had just moved here and worked for a company that offered no insurance. I turned to the internet for some (very bad) self help medication. I would strongly suggest that no one try this at home. I had found a site that gave me a recipe for a colon cleansing. It was to take lemon juice and raw olive oil. Drink 2 pints of each within an hour or 2. I can assure you that this will make you go to the toilet. In fact, not only will you have a bad case of diarrhea but you'll also vomit profusely. I got both the upper and lower GI cleanout in one dose. Rule number 1.... Don't do a colon cleanse yourself, and if you do, make sure you don't have a loaded gun around to end the agony. The constipation passed and I was good to go. I tried to modify my diet, still not really knowing what the problem was. When it comes to health care, I¿m a "professional procrastinator." I say something like, "I¿m going to make an appointment tomorrow, or maybe next week, certainly within this decade". I would say that the problem would revisit me about every 6 to 8 weeks, usually not as bad as the first time. Probably because I learned not to drink olive oil, triple grease burgers and wash it all down with a 12 pack. I wasn't in pain. It just made me feel ill. About a year passed. Renee and I had moved into the new abode. It needed a little work; All cosmetic. It needed paint, flooring and a few odds and ends. I had a 2 week window into which to try and cram a month¿s work of work. The bedroom was a horror story. It was painted red with black trim, the den was gold, and the floor was painted maroon. All of it had to be redone. I started laying tile - all 1800 sq ft of it. After a week of that my knees were sore my back hurt and, at the worst time, I had another attack. I tried to will it away but with all the bending and stooping, going up and down to get the tile done it was going to make it bad again. I ended up going to the hospital emergency room. They took x-rays and the doctor said that I had adhesions from the scar tissue in my intestines. There were also air pockets in my intestines that could be causing the constipation. Now keep in mind that I have a bad habit of hearing only what I want to hear. Renee always goes with my when I go to a doctor and we always hear different things. In the back of my mind I had that little voice that told me this was not the problem even though a problem would be reasonable, given my history. I pushed the doc a little further about checking it out in more detail. He mentioned something about sticking something up my ass to have a little look see. Well, that was all I needed to hear...lets skip that test and go with what he thought it was- an adhesion of the intestine that prevented me from having a regular bowel movement. The doc gave me the name of a specialist and suggested I do a follow up with him but, as usual, I got better and found other things to do. My thinking was "Why go see another doctor if I already know what the problem is". Not to mention I learned from the internet that they might have to cut away part of the intestine to fix an adhesion. This meant I would be crappin into a bag. Now who's going to want to do that? Rule number 1... Do NOT go to the internet for health information... go to a specialist. Would you go to a foot doctor if u had an ear ache? This now created another issue - once I got insurance, they would deny any future episodes because it was a pre-existing condition and I would have the burden of proving when and what operation caused this. So with this knowledge, I was back to procrastinating on what to do next. If it was air in my system I thought surely I could find a cure on the internet." I was still playing "Dr. Kelly". Once again, I altered my diet. I got a different job with no heavy lifting, which is 25 lbs for me and procrastinated on what my next action would be. Like I said, I'm a professional procrastinator. That brings us to July 4th 2006. I had pretty much sworn off greasy foods. I would have an occasional burger but for the most part I was pretty self-conscious about what I ate. Renee has her own recipe for sloppy Joes. They just melt in your mouth, absolutely delicious. She had made those on the 4th and I ended up eating 6 of them during the day. What? I couldn't resist!! The aroma alone makes my mouth water ¿ kind of like a Scooby Snack. I never eat that much. A usual day for me would be coffee for breakfast, no lunch and a good dinner. I thought about my grease intake and she said she had drained the meat. So I was good to go. Eat, drink and be merry was the motto of the day. In retrospect, I remember feeling different that day. I wasn't in any pain, and the constipation issue didn't hit me the same way as in the past. I just felt different. The next morning I woke up and the same thing, no pain but I felt something was out of place. I had to go to the dump and clean out my truck, hit the DMV for plates, go to work to pick up my next job contract and meet with my client on the job I had just finished. I had to cram all that in before 11:30 am. I had a very busy morning in front of me. After leaving the dump I drove about 5 or 6 miles to the DMV. I got out of the truck and my legs were so weak I could barely stand up. I don't remember driving home. Renee said that I had lain down on the couch and all I would say was that I was sick and that I was going to call an ambulance. I have little to no memory of any of this. I remember being in the bathroom trying to go; trying to push out a number 2 and the pain hit. What day it was I don't know. Maybe it was Wednesday night, the 5th, but Renee said it was Thursday. I remember grabbing the towel rack and pulling it off the wall. I think at that point I passed out. I¿m pretty sure it was still daylight out when this happened but by the time I got to the phone it was midnight. I only remember bits and pieces from the time I had gone to the DMV until the paramedics arrived. It may have been a 36 hour period. They took me to the hospital were they determined that I had a ruptured colon. I was transferred to another hospital for surgery because they had no surgeons on call. I remember thinking that it was over. I had reached the end and I desperately needed to talk to my son before I died. That would bring us to my trip to Alaska. I don't remember much about the time before the surgery. I was heavily sedated on morphine... GOOD STUFF! I can tell you what I do remember and the time frame. About 56 hours had passed since I was at the DMV. According to the time line Renee came up with it was late Friday night. I remember one doctor coming into my room and he was very upset that they had transferred me there. I knew it wasn't good to have a pissed off doctor working on me. I never do good work when I'm mad. I also remember meeting my surgeon. She looked young enough to be in high school. I thought "oh boy, I hope I'm not her first patient". I remember asking her if I was going to die (Renee says I told her I was going to die). Either way, I remember her saying that she ...Expand for more