Judi H:  

Some Facts that no one knew about me as I was growing up... While growing up, I was a loner...My family life was horrible, all though no one knew it or even cared...I was abused both by my mother and father... All I could think of when I was in school was: HOW CAN I GET MY MOTHER TO LOVE ME... I knew I did everything my mother told me, but she still hated me for living after she tried to abort me... This I found out in my last year in High School, when my mother told me to get out of her house...I spent my last few months of 12th grade with another family before I graduated... I was an unwanted child born three months premature, weighing only 3 pounds 3 ounces, in 1951...Mom abused me physically, mentally, and physiologically...I was never good enough for her...She had me believing I was ugly, and unworthy of being alive...I was always made fun of and put down by children in school, and was basically on my own... I was never allowed to go anywhere unless it was with the whole family, and my Dad was involved... I never went to a dance, never got involved with any activities in school... I even faked my period to get out of taking showers, so no one would see the black and blue marks on my back from being beaten with a belt or stick from my mom mostly, but dad got a few licks in there too... We were brought up in a Baptist church, and then became very involved with a non denominational church which we were very active in...(Pastors Class, Camp Cheetec, vacation bible school, etc...) My father was Deacon of the church (what ever that meant!!!) Unfortunately My father SEXUALLY ABUSED me from an infant til I was thirteen years old... My first memories of that abuse were when I was three, although I am sure it started earlier then that...It's the only life I knew... The church pastor knew what was going on but did nothing to stop the abuse...My fathers abuse was horrible, but it was my mothers abuse that devastated me because she did not LOVE me and severely abused me I hated Life and never felt loved or even liked by anyone... I many times had to sit in the bottom of a dark well pit, or in the basement of the coal bin...The basement is usually where my father took advantage of me...Our house was over a hundred years old, and the basement was horrible, SPIDERS, LOTS OF SPIDERS!!! That's where I get my fear of those nasty things... My right hand has a burn on it that I was extremely embarrassed about, and usually sat on that hand so no one could see the scar...I scrubbed the dinning room floor with a tooth brush every Saturday, which was a white tile with lots of groves in it... Memories of childhood were haunting, and I would never want to go back there...So many awful punishments from a Mom who did not want me, and a father who sexually abused me...I was all alone in the world, and no one was there to protect me... I did not know how to interact with children even though I had plenty of brothers and sisters, because Mom would not let me interact with them...They were all allowed to go out and make friends in the neighborhood, while I was either weeding the garden, cleaning the yard, doing laundry, washing the dishes from the kitchen cabinets that had been dirtied by mouse turds, or cleaning the house... Schoo...Expand for more