Kevin Ingram:
CLASS OF 1975
Bethlehem Catholic High SchoolClass of 1975
Bethlehem, PA
Swain SchoolClass of 1975
Allentown, PA
Southern Lehigh Middle SchoolClass of 1971
Center valley, PA
Liberty Bell Elementary SchoolClass of 1968
Coopersburg, PA
Kevin's Story
"Hitting the snooze button on Life since 1975."
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In the world we were born into, the American flag had 48 stars, Pius XII was still the pope, and the area under the Hill-to-Hill Bridge was still being used as a garbage dump. And, we may assume, the skies over Bethlehem were probably dark with factory smoke more days than not.
We were encouraged to think of the world beyond America's borders as though it were a giant Williamsburg, populated by actors for the entertainment of American tourists. Maybe we could travel to South America and meet Juan Valdez. "Cultural appropriation" didn't seem like a bad thing, it seemed like our birthright.
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Savercool Avenue Songs:
Stuff you might have heard on WLEV circa late 1975/early 1976.
These songs have a special poignancy, since they came out at a time when we were in the process of going our own separate ways.
Falling In Love - Hamilton Joe Frank and Reynolds
Daisy Jane - America
Times Of Your Life - Paul Anka
I Don't Like To Sleep Alone - Paul Anka
Dreams Of The Everyday Housewife - Glen Campbell (1968)
Fly Away - John Denver and Olivia Newton-John
Today's The Day - America
Sweet Surrender - Bread
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Records That Would Sound Good on a techdas Air Force Zero:
Caravan - Van Morrison
Cry For Help - Rick Astley
Angel Of The Morning - Merilee Rush
Dirty Work - Steely Dan
Captain Jack - Billy Joel
What's New nPussycat? - Tom Jones
Sugartown - Nancy Sinatra
Basically anything from 1965-67. Nancy Sinatra, etc.
I wonder if I'll ever own a Zero before I die.
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You know you're getting old when...
... you remember a time when grocery cashiers would ask you if you wanted "paper or plastic".
... you remember a time before that when "paper" was the only thing on offer.
... you remember returning glass Coke bottles to the supermarket to get the deposit money.
... you might have trouble naming even one current cast member on Saturday Night Live.
... you still think of the Seattle Mariners as an expansion team, even though they've existed as a going concern for 40+ years.
... you've got at least one person in your Contacts list who's dead.
... the current version of Microsoft Windows feels like something strange and foreign to you.
... you're always griping about how the internet was so much better in its early years, before Javascript, hashtags, or tweets, before Facebook, before clickbait, before viral videos, before TMZ and Gawker and their ilk, before all the "stupid people" came onboard.
... you read an editorial online that you particularly agree with, and realize that the girl who wrote it is young enough to be your daughter.
... you turn on the local TV news, and the girl who's out on the street reporting a story looks way younger than any of us.
... you realize that the guy who moved his furniture into 1600 Pennsylvania Ave some years ago is a couple years younger than any of us.
... you look at the Celebrity Birthdays in the Sunday newspaper supplement, and you don't recognize half the names.
... you're always muttering about how the world has been going to hell ever since they stopped putting the little green thread in the Life Saver packs.
... you need contact lenses just to see your glasses (old Steve Allen joke).
... Jay Leno has already handed off The Tonight Show to his successor, and you're still missing Johnny.
... the girl behind the register at KFC gives you the senior citizens' discount, and you hadn't even asked for it (!).
... you remember a time when $30,000 a year was a decent white-collar salary, and not two or three steps above the federal poverty line like it is now.
... you find yourself using the car for short errands that you might in an earlier decade have walked.
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Kevin died at the Battle of Sideling Hill in the Second Civil War. He was a Captain in the New Union Army of the Alleghenies under Brigadier General Mike Tomlin. Kevin also saw action at the Battle of Marietta, Ohio, a battle which came to be known as the "Revenge of the Nerds".
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I'm fond of telling people that my financial situation has improved from horrible to merely very bad.
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I had a close encounter with Marisa Tomei on 2/20/15. She was in town for the filming of Love The Coopers.
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Hospital Humor:
I always thought it would be funny to show up at the emergency room at the local hospital with some relatively minor injury or medical condition, wearing a T-shirt that reads I'm Probably Gonna Die Anyway. It would be as though you had already triaged yourself.
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As my life enters into its fourth quarter, the only things I really care about are building my dream house and finding a wife. If I manage to marry well, I could still feel that life had turned out OK, in spite of everything. The ideal candidate would be some over-the-hill movie actress who hasn't made a picture in 30 years, or maybe someone who recently escaped from the Amish, or from one of the Fundamentalist LDS cults out in Arizona or Utah - she might think I was normal, and by the time she figured out that I'm not normal, it would probably be too late. I wonder if they would accept me as a contestant on Married At First Sight, or possibly Dating Naked? Physical beauty means everything to me - I define myself as an extreme narcissist, and the only thing I really care about is how you look.
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I have second cousins in the Los Angeles area, and also in South Africa.
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My great-uncle, Roy Johnson, worked for Thomas Edison as a caretaker/house manager at Mr. Edison's summer place in Chautauqua, New York. It is believed that Uncle Roy and Aunt Garnet received some money from Mr. Edison's estate upon his death in 1931.
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Some of my Favorite Scenes from Movies:
For Your Eyes Only (1981): There's a scene which takes place in the eastern Mediterranean, off the coast of Greece, where you see a creaky wooden fishing boat. In the next scene, you go below decks, and there is a spotlessly clean, ultra-modern comm room, with racks of military-grade radio scanners, with the operation staffed by well-dressed British MI6/GCHQ types If I remember correctly, the ship gets blown up by a bomb in the next scene.
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Songs That Remind Me of the Nagra T:
If I Ain't Got You - Alicia Keys *****
Alicia Keys actually uses the word "platter" in the song. For the past several years, I've been trying without success to acquire a pair of platters to use with my Nagra T.One gentleman up in Canada had the exact part number that I was looking for, but he absurdly wanted t5he buyer to come to Canada to pick them up.
Cold Hearted - Paula Abdul
So Emotional - Whitney Houston
Doo Wop (That Thing) - Lauryn Hill
Joey - Concrete Blonde
Don't Want To Fall In Love - Jane Child
I Touch Myself - Divinyls
Hold On - Wilson Phillips
Semi-Charmed Life - Third Eye Blind
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Songs That Remind Me of the Ampex ATR-100:
Get Closer - Seals and Crofts *****
(The song and the tape machine were both released in June of 1976.)
Had To Phone Ya - The Beach Boys *****
How Much I Feel - Ambrosia
Celebrate Me Home - Kenny Loggins
I've Got To Know - Starbuck
Keep On Rockin' Me - The Steve Miller Band
Fly Like An Eagle - The Steve Miller Band
Swingtown - The Steve Miller Band
True Fine Love - The Steve Miller Band
Fire Lake - Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band
Spirits In The Night -Bruce Springsteen
We're All Alone - Boz Scaggs
We're All Alone - Rita Coolidge
Neon Nights - Atlanta Rhythm Section
Someone To Lay Down Beside Me - Karla Bonoff
Dancing Barefoot - Patty Smith
Tonight's The Night - Rod Stewart
Did You Boogie? - Flash Cadillac and...Expand for more
the Continental Kids
Clap For The Wolfman - The Guess Who
The Best Disco In Town - The Ritchie Family
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Songs That Remind Me Of The Scully 280:
For All We Know - The Carpenters
These was an old video clip which our public television station runs during fund drives which showed The Carpenters in the studio at A&M. A&M was at that time 100% Scully. I often wondered if Karen wore a chastity belt for her brother Richard. I always thought there was something not quite normal about those two.
Two Divided By Love - The Grass Roots
Summer Sand - Dawn
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Songs That Remind Me of the 3M M56/M64:
I Saw The Light - Todd Rundgren
One Bad Apple - The Osmonds
Working On A Groovy Thing - The Fifth Dimension
Jello Commercial - The Fifth Dimension, circa 1975-76.
They showed an M56.
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Songs That Remind Me of the Studer A80 and A827:
For Cryin' Out Loud - Meatloaf
Recorded at Bearsville Studios on Studer analogue equipment (1975-77)
Carnival - Natalie Merchant
Recorded at Bearsville Studios on Studer analogue equipment (1994-95)
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Songs That Remind Me of the Ampex AG-440:
Rich Girl - Hall and Oates
Our House - Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young
Centerfold - The J. Geils Band
Tapestry - Carole King
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Songs That Remind Me of the Ampex MM-1000-16:
Never Been To Spain - Three Dog Night
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Songs That Remind Me of the Scully 100:
I'll Take You There - Staples Singers
Thunder And Lightning - Chi Coltrane
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Pennsylvania Turnpike Music
Best songs to listen to while you're driving the PA Turnpike.
List compiled by Kevin Ingram
I am, of course, referring to the historic Irwin-to-Carlisle Turnpike, not the Philadelphia Connector, not the Pittsburgh Connector, not the Ohio Connector, not the Northeast Extension.
Some years ago, I had a dream in which the Turnpike was where you go when you die. In the dream, the Turnpike had been converted into a giant hiking trail, a la rails-to-trails, and you had to hike from Irwin to Carlisle (or possibly in the other direction) and reflect upon the choices that you made in life. During your journey, the various interchanges, service plazas, and geographic features would represent significant events in your life. For example, the most important events in my life would be the Laurel Hill Bypass (mile marker 100.2, highest point on the entire Turnpike system), The Somerset interchange (mm 109.9) and service plaza (mm 112.4), and the crossing of the Juniata River just east of Midway service plaza (actually, there are two separate crossings). The interchanges at Bedford and Breezewood roughly correspond to the loss of my father and mother, respectively. The St. John The Baptist RC Church at New Baltimore (mm 129) corresponds to my late twenties, when I was feeling particularly lost and hopeless. Here, the road is going downhill at a 3% grade, steepest on the entire Turnpike system.
I imagine my journey beginning in total darkness at 3 or 4 AM, after being escorted to the Irwin interchange by Patty Duke and/or Lesley Gore, two benevolent "older sister" figures from my childhood, both of whom have predeceased me, with the Irwin tolls shrouded in a thick, swirling pea-soup fog. The tollbooth attendant who hands me my ticket at Irwin could be the sinister Tall Man from the Phantasm movies: "Enter if you dare, boy. THE TURNPIKE IS WHERE YOU GO WHEN YOU DIE!!." Offering an uncharacteristic bit of friendly advice, he would then add, "Now don't lose that ticket, lest terrible evil befall you!"
During your journey, you might have to confront one or more of your inner demons. One of my demons might be the "Cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs" bird.
I imagine that I might stop in at St. John The Baptist, and that I might meet a parish priest who looks a lot like Jesus Christ. I imagine that he might say, "NOOO, I'm not the real Wolfman, but he did give me my start in this business!", echoing the scene from American Graffiti.
The moral of the story, I suppose, is that there's no EZ-Pass that can get you into heaven.
"The day I met you, it was like meeting the newly-risen sun at the crest of Laurel Hill, after hiking through thirty miles of cold, and darkness, and thick, swirling fog."
But back to the songs...
Begin Again - Taylor Swift ***** (1) (9)
Taylor Swift is actually from Pennsylvania.
The structure of the song is suggestive of a long journey.
Reminds me of a photo I once saw of a westbound 18-wheeler approaching the Blue Mountain Tunnel. I was trying to imagine an alternate music video, with Taylor as a lady trucker on the PA Turnpike. How cool would that be?
Jack And Diane - John Cougar Mellencamp (1)
Ain't Even Done With The Night - John Cougar Mellencamp (1)
Valerie - Steve Winwood (1) (7)
Some Day, Some Way - Marshall Crenshaw (1) (7)
Bargain - The Who (1)
I'm Going Mobile - The Who (1) (7)
Athena - The Who (1) (7)
Hold The Line - Toto (1) ****
Still The One - Orleans ***** (9)
You're The Only Woman - Ambrosia ***** (1) (4) (9)
99 - Toto **** (1) (9)
Barbara Feldon, Agent 99 from Get Smart, was actually born in Butler, PA.
My Angel Baby - Toby Beau ****
It Only Takes A Minute - Tavares (2) (5) (9)
More Than A Woman - Tavares (2) (5) (9)
A Fifth Of Beethoven - Walter Murphy and the Big Apple Band (2) (5)
Do You Want To Make Love? - Peter McCann (2) (5)
Lonesome Loser - Little River Band (2) (5)
Watcha Gonna Do? - Pablo Cruise (2) (5)
Brick House - The Commodores (2) (5)
You Are The Woman - Firefall (2) (5)
Easy - The Commodores (2) (5)
You'll Accomp'ny Me - Bob Seger and the Silver Bullet Band ***** (2) (5) (9)
The tempo of the song matches the spacing of the guard-rail posts (!) Makes you wonder if Mr. Seger might have driven our turnpike once or twice before writing that song. For me, this is the perfect song to listen to out in the "wilds" of Pennsylvania, where the towns have names like Hop Bottom and Burnt Cabin, and where there could be a bear or a mountain lion waiting for you around the next bend.
Smoke From A Distant Fire - Sanford Townsend Band (2) (3) (5) (8) (9)
Help Is On Its Way - Little River Band (2) (5) (9)
Cool Change - Little River Band ***** (2) (3) (5) (8) (9)
A song about a sailor alone on the open ocean - what could be more appropriate. Many times I've felt like that man, driving the Turnpike late at night with no other traffic around me.
Love Will Find A Way - Pablo Cruise (2) (5)
Dancing Queen - Abba (2) (5)
Chiquitita - Abba (2) (5)
The Name Of The Game - Abba (2) (5)
Fernando - Abba (2) (5)
Homeward Bound - Simon and Garfunkel (1)
The Load Out - Jackson Browne (1) (5)
A good song for anyone who is a long way from home, whether you're a college student, a soldier, or a member of a touring rock band.
You're My Home - Billy Joel (1) (5)
America - Simon and Garfunkel (1)
You're In My Heart - Rod Stewart (5) (6)
Evergreen - Barbara Streisand (1) (5) (6)
Song Is Over - The Who (1) (3) (7)
(1) Recommended for daytime driving only
(2) Recommended for nighttime driving only
(3) Recommended for eastbound driving only
(4) Recommended for westbound driving only
(5) In keeping with the 1976-77 theme of this list.
(6) Really more of an "I-70/Washington County" song, but I chose to include it.
(7) Recommended especially for the Irwin-to-Donegal (or Donegal-to-Irwin) segment.
(8) A good song to listen to as you're coming across the Sideling Hill Bypass. You can almost hear the roar of the ceiling fans in the abandoned Sideling Hill Tunnel.
(9) Quintessential Turnpike Music. A legitimate contender for the number-one spot.
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"I feel as though I've been hit in the head by a pitched baseball, and I've been waiting 45 years for the umpire to say 'Take your base'".
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"For Kevin, the calendar always reads 1978."
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