Kyle Winslow:
CLASS OF 1989
Waukesha North High SchoolClass of 1989
Waukesha, WI
Kyle's Story
Goodness. How to sum up 33 years since Graduation? Well, what was it the Apostle Paul said? Something along the lines of- 'Don't think better of Yourself, Don't think Worse of Yourself. See Yourself as you ARE.'
Four years after graduating, almost exactly, in July of 1993, I started suffering from severe Chronic Pain. It was... not pleasant, but I was a big, strapping lad. I prided my way through it. After two years, in 1995, I'd had enough of that! I went to see my Doctor, he sent me to a Specialist. Then another, then another, then *another*. Half a Dozen doctors, a great deal of time & money wasted, no cause was found.
Despite my gift for acting & a promising career in the field, I had abandoned it, because I was not willing to well, let's say, "Do whatever it took." to succeed. So I went with a secondary passion, Computers, & ended up having a pretty good career as PC Tech. More importantly, I enjoyed it. However, after 6 years of worsening pain, with still no cause found, I was heading for a breakdown. I wouldn't admit it to myself, but that, combined with a failed engagement, a romantic disaster of truly Wagnerian Proportions 2 years earlier & I was truly desperate for something, *anything*, that could take my mind off my body's non-stop screaming.
In the Fall of 1999, while hanging out with some friends, I accidentally discovered that Alcohol helped. Quite a bit in fact. In a week I was at the bottom of the Bottle. Drinking to a blackout state every night. I did that for 6 years, until I nearly died. Ironically, nobody knew because at least mentally, I was doing much better than in the years before. I was a completely functional Alcohol Abuser. That that was actually *better* than the unending pain is sad, but also blackly funny.
However, after 2005, I knew I couldn't live much longer doing that. So I started the laborious struggle to crawl out of the bottle. However it really wasn't until 2007, when I met the Woman who would later become my Wife, that I had a visible goal to work towards. I wanted to be her Husband & be worthy of her, more than I wanted to drown my CP. That did the trick & since 2009, I have been totally free of drink. For what that's worth.
Because now I had to face this 'continuing to get worse' chronic pain, for which I still had no cause & now I was pushing 40, still strong, but not like I was in my early 20's. My Wife & I had married in late 2008 (My First, Her Second) & I told her everything about my situation that I could. I absolutely did not want her getting into a relationship with me without being as informed as I could possibly make her. She said she was okay with it, that she could live with my limitations.
So, because she was (and still is) an Animation Director at FOX TV Studios (working on 'Family Guy', for those who care about such things), I decided that since she could only do that in Hollywood, it would be far easier for me to move out to Cali from Wisconsin. This I did. Within a few weeks after the move, I knew I was in big trouble.
I had intended to get a Tech job out here & I did look, but even simple, basic things, like doing chores around the house, had everything from the Waist-down on Fire in minutes. If I could work on something non-stop for a half-hour, that was an amazing achievement. "How?" I thought to myself, "How on EARTH am I going to find an employer who will work with me under these conditions?" The answer- I couldn't. Because they don't exist.
I did every bit of housework I possibly could. I took care of our Two Dogs, I tried to contribute in a material sense, in any way I could. I again started to see more Doctors, maybe someone out here could find what was wrong, maybe it could be fixed.
4 more years went by, another gaggle of expensive medical experts, with no answ...Expand for more
ers. By early 2013, my situation was *so* bad, everything again was 'On Fire', from the waist down, 24/7. Whether I stood, or sat, or laid prone, it made no difference. It was truly maddening. Finally, out of frustration, my Wife said I should try seeing her Chiropractor. Absolutely desperate at this point, I would have done nearly anything. I readily agreed & on one of my (relatively) better days, I went to see him.
He found what my problem was. After almost exactly 20 years of this life-changing, life-dominating, life-destroying mystery illness? Yeah... he found the cause in 20 minutes. Put me on his table, twisted me this way, twisted me that way, noticed my reactions, then took a profile x-ray of my midsection.
There it was, blatant & obvious.
The Condition is called, 'Spondylolysthesis', it's where a Vertebrae breaks loose from the Spinal Column, which bends the Spinal Cord, thus causing the Chronic Pain.
I couldn't believe, with all the Doctors I saw over the years, that this was missed! Nor could the Surgeons I Spoke with later. That was one of the few times I ever saw Doctors get actually upset on my behalf. This SHOULD have been found in 1995. But for whatever reason, it wasn't.
But because it had been dominating my structure for so long & because of my extremely weak immune system (due to a decade of heavy boozing), no Surgeon would touch me. The risk of lethal infection was far too great. So, no fix for me. Still, at least now I could prove something was wrong with me! So I could at least get some Pain Management, right?
Well... sorta.
This has gone on long enough, so I'll Sum Up- It took 2 years to finally find a Pain Management Doctor who would handle the severity of my condition. It then took months to find a level of meds that were effective. For nearly all of 2016, my daily life was better than it had ever been since 1993. I was not 'normal', not by a long-shot, but I could at least PRETEND to be human.
Then, in December of 2016, due to my pathetic immune system, my Right Foot went Septic & nearly killed me, it was right on the edge. Then a couple months later, because the Hospital failed to give me strong enough antibiotics, I developed Osteomyelitis, a Bone Infection, which nearly hit my Bone Marrow & that nearly killed me. Then in summer of 2020, it returned & nearly did me in again. I had all the toes of my Right Foot amputated then.
Penultimately, also in early 2017, Opiate Pain Killers became THE DEVIL & to keep his practice (so my Pain Doc said), my meds were cut back to a fraction of what they should be. Since then, as long as I spend my entire day sitting in my oversized recliner doing NOTHING, that level of Pain Meds helps. Any attempt to live a life outside my chair? Not a chance. I may as well be on Sugar Pills.
In the end, I try not to let this dominate my life, I try to not let it define my life, but after nearly 30 years, who am I fooling to think otherwise? It has destroyed my Social Life, my Hobbies, My Career & as for my Marriage?
My Wife is an amazing & amazingly talented Woman. She has gifts most people can only dream about. Being a Caregiver though? That's not one of them. There is a lot I *could* say about what this has done to our relationship, but I will just say this-
A few years back, I asked her if she ever felt like Job's Wife (From the Book of Job in the Bible), who told him to, "Curse God and Die." Her Exact Response-
"I would never say anything THAT cruel to you."
There is pain that goes far, far beyond what the Body can produce.
So, there, the most defining factor of my life for the last Three Decades. I hope that most, I wish that all, of my Class of '89, hasn't gone through anything like this. But, if you have, I'll listen. I can't do much these days, but I can do that.
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