Marlin Sherfick:  

l someone with a frozen turkey because that is a lot of evidence to eat .... unless I found a whole room of people who also wanted that person dead ... Dane Cook: ... If somebody calls and messes with you on the phone like that you don't become terrified, you mess back ... If somebody calls and was like "have you checked the children?" I'd be like "I killed them!" Dane Cook: ... I say God bless you, I don't say bless you ... I am not the Lord, I can't do that ... lewis black.... Behind me, I heard a young woman of 25 say, "If it weren’t for my horse, I wouldn’t have spent that year in college." Now, I'm gonna repeat that, because it bears repeating. "If it weren't for my horse..." as in, giddyup, giddyup, let's go — "I wouldn't have spent that year in college," which is a degree-granting institution. Don't think about that too long, or BLOOD will shoot out your NOSE! lewis black.... I do have certain feelings. My feeling is that whoever is in charge, I want him out. All right, brain, I don't like you and you don't like me - so let's just do this and I'll get back to killing you with beer. Computer games don't effect kids, I mean if Pac-Man had effected us as kids we would all be running around darkened rooms, munching magic pills, and listening to repetative electronic music. You can get married once if you do it again its your own damn fault. Plaque is a figment of the liberal media and the dental industry to scare you into buying useless appliances and pastes There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.".