Michael Hendricks:  

r health care, because those things aren't patriotic. If I can't afford to go to the doctor I DON'T GET SICK OR HURT MYSELF. How hard is that? And my family LOVES ramen noodles and eggs. Even though I'm currently unemployed (I have to do all my shopping at WalMart because my unemployment check and food stamps go further there THANK YOU WALMART!) I still go to the mall at least 3 times a week, more when I can afford the gas in my SUV (which I call the "Patriotmobile," or sometimes "The Hippie Crusher"), just to stay in practice. Because I know that as soon as we get the pinko democrats out of the way and remove a few more restrictions and taxes from the job creators, I'm gonna have such a great job I won't be able to fit all my cash in my double-wide. Don't worry that I'm unemployed. I'm still doing my duty as a citizen and buying things so the terrorists won't win. I've got credit cards at WalMart and three electronics stores, and this Christmas I'm going to MAX THEM OUT, baby!".