Nick Moffit:  

Some fellow students found it quite easy to learn, focus, and have goals; and others like myself; were confused, and bullshitted ourselves; with no vision of life, skipping classes and school; and getting wasted most of the time before attended class. I dropped out of Castle Park 2 months before graduation; knowing, I had failed 2 classes; and did not have enough credits. Administrators encouraged me to still walk through the graduating line with an empty envelope as a facade; I thought how phoney. Being depressed already; relating to my own self worth and self acceptance issues; and for my other bad choices of wasted years. Hating myself and life, I attempted suicide and was unsuccessful; Thank God. Somehow, The Almighty Eternal God and Creator showed me compassion and unexpectedly stepped in and lifted me out of a major rip current of life; and gave me a new hope and joy for life. By summers end of 1979, I had gone to Chula Vista Adult Night School and got my H/S diploma. I then attempted to walk on the straight and narrow for a while with Jesus; learning from his teachings and words. And then one day, I decided to lay down the Word of God, and I also laid down the cross, and decided to hike my own trails alone. What a dead end that was. School was just a playground and party club for me and others; instead of a learning institution; for the preparation of reality of a lifetime. I dont even know; how, I ever got away with being wasted everyday. Very few teachers really cared, ignored or noticed; and did nothing until it was too late. I still remember the ones that really did care; and they will always be appreciated and remembered. Looking back there was also very little true companionship with other students or genuine and caring friends; displaying sincerity or positivity. I dont blame anybody but myself; and God for not giving me more common sense. We were all young souls beginning our trek, at the edge of the Jungle of Life. In emptiness and boredom, I continually smoked and ingested harmful toxins into my body and mind; and thought it was fun and life. Not caring or realizing the damage; and that I was destroying a remarkable gift and fascinating organ; called my brain. As a result of the substance abuse, I suffered a mental disability from the harmful poisons disrupting my physiological chemistry. After years of self destructive behavior and hating myself, I tried accepting and loving myself as I was; and that also seemed impossible without God. I would try and grow in the direction of Obedience, Holiness, and Righteousness; with the power of the holy spirit; and always found that I lacked root in myself, and fell away again, and again. After failing to love or surrender to God; I surrendered to myself and the world around me; and ignorantly wandered and drifted again for years. When I met my beautiful x wife, she was an angel from above, and the best friend that happened to me in a lifetime. I remember in High School, I always said, I would never marry a white woman, or an older woman; however, I married both, all in one. We did not know each other very well or for very long; but we greatly loved each other, and immediately got married. However, she smoked cigarettes; and I could not stand the smell of smoke. I thought her love would grow and that she would love me as much as I loved her; and would quit everything easily like me. {Wrong} We thus had some butting of the minds and clashing of the souls. This behavior soon caused serious marital problems, and a once perfect love became unimportant angry attitudes. Smoking would be the major source or cause of any disagreement. Overcoming depression was still an obstacle for me; and the reality of the Judgment Day of God was overwhelmingly fearful. I still tried at times escaping the realities, in a world of up in smoke. After wasting time, money, and numerous years, I was bored with it all. I started to desire new things and realized; I should be enjoying life and this beautiful planet naturally. I needed to take more responsibility for my own happiness and success. I decided to enjoy myself and live without trying to always please God. Being wasted was no longer a necessity; to escape the reality; because, getting wasted was harmful to my body and mind. I also learned to change and accept life on its terms. Even though the world is not perfect, I did not need to be wasted anymore. I wanted to be happy and not miserable anymore; and I wanted to walk around the Grand Canyon, under the Giant Redwood Sequoias in Kings Canyon, and see Niagara Falls. My disability interfered with working and going to school; however, I figured we ...Expand for more