Paul Lorenc:  

Yes.... I'm still alive! So sit back, relax, enjoy a mocha-latte-double-espresso-whatever-the-heck you people drink nowadays and calm the frick down! Below you will find somewhat of an explanation for what has been going on in my life. And if you're interested in contacting me you can obviously let me know you stopped by. I don't bite... much. Or, you can get a hold of me at my E Mail address at: Zeek1519 at AOL dot Com. So... where to begin? I guess with the obvious, the end of High School. Having been in the school's Co-Op program, I was already placed in a job in my "Dream" field, Graphic Communications (A.K.A. Press Printing). I was offered a partial scholarship to Penn State for my decent SAT scores and my current experience in the field, in and out of school. However, the pay at my current job was satisfactory for someone coming straight from high school, so I decided to stay and chose not to pursue a college education. That would later prove to have been a smart decision. I worked at S&W Quick Print in Piscataway from Nov. 1994 to April 1996. Unfortunately, for those of you who knew me well, also knew that I had struggled with a terminally-ill heart and lung condition since birth (Hence the purple look to my fingers and lips). It finally caught up with me and forced me to stop working altogether in that April of 1996. I could no longer do the heavy physical activity required of the job, and simple and mundane tasks would become too arduous. I can say that was one of my low points. I absolutely loved working at my job and it truly crushed me to have to stop suddenly. Regrettably I was now considered permanently disabled, and the only way I would get a paycheck at that point was through Uncle Sam. It had its pros and cons. While I would get paid to do absolutely nothing, I definitely HATED it! Yeah, I was never what you would call a very active person b/c of my condition, but I was never a "Lazy-Butt" before either. I liked keeping myself busy, working with my hands, and being useful to society in some way, shape, and form. Before my condition worsened I would work at my job, work on cars, even go for a frigin' walk just to keep from standing still. Now things had changed considerably. I spent the next two years figuring out what I could possibly do with what seemed to be an empty life. I made use of my time by focusing more on previous hobbies like playing music on my guitar, painting and drawing, and most importantly... writing, which was always a favorite of mine in my high school years. In high school I had written two long stories and decided that since I had more time on my hands, I should turn them into novels. And I did exactly that. But because of being too self-conscious of my own writing I never pursued the idea of trying to get them published. They were more for myself than anybody else. In mid-1998 I started dating a young girl named Jany. I was friends with her brother Steve since about 1992 and had gotten to know her through him. Finally she and I decided to give it a try. I wound up marrying her on Oct. 2nd 1999 and it was one of the best days of my life. I had found someone who understood both me and my intricacies, as well as someone who wouldn't run away from my sickness. In my life there were ever only a few girlfriends who actually understood what it meant in the long run. Jany was one of them, and she was strong inside where it counted. I know what you must be thinking... 'Kind of a short engagement huh?', and yes normally you'd be right, but not this time. Do not forget, I knew her as long as I had known her brother. Every time I went to my friend's house, she was there. And whenever Steve and I went out with the guys, we invited her along with her friends. The more the merrier. What can I say, we fell in love quickly. That's easy to do when you know so much about who a person really is. Of course her brother wasn't too keen on the idea at first, but he came around. He was just being a protective older brother. I don't blame him. Not many guys want their younger sisters dating guys that look and dress like me. The truth was... I was always a softy. Even in high school I was shy and pretty much kept to myself. Only the rare friend or girlfriend could get me out of my shell. I didn't have a mean bone in my body... well, maybe one, but that was only if someone pissed me off. She and I still live in Piscataway because both of us like the idea of staying close to family. In December of 2001, the fun in our marriage really began. Less than two months after I had just gotten married to a dear friend and a great woman... I nearly died on her. My condition reared its ugly head again. Unbeknownst to me, I had been walking around with "Walking Pneumonia". That, combined with my heart and lung condition was a dangerous mix. I popped a blood vessel in my lungs and immediately started coughing up quarts of blood. Yay! Real Fun! I spent the next three weeks in and out of the hospital until a final coughing bout landed me in the hospital bed for three months straight. That was definitely the lowest point for me, even lower than when I had stopped working. I could handle not working with my hands tied behind my back. But nearly dying really puts things into perspective. Go figure! Now, growing up with a terminally-ill condition such as mine, you come to accept certain things. Since I was about ten years old, I always knew that I'd die younger than most people. That's very strange for a ten year old to hear and understand, but I did, obviously making more sense of it the older I got. Originally the doctors never expected me to make it out of middle school, then that became high school. And when I finally graduated high school they told me that they had learned more about my condition through others like myself, and that I could possibly live up to anywhere from 50-75 years old. The key word here, being "Could". There were still side effects and struggles my condition would bring up that could make it hard at times. Things that are unpleasant to talk about and things most people would never even have to experience in their entire life. I grew up knowing that kind of stuff from the start though. It's all in a life's journey for me. Put in layman's terms, my condition is like asthma, but worse... a lot worse. It's like asthma with the added bonus of your heart beating out of your chest like it's on fire, and your lips turning blue because of the lack of oxygen from increasing pressure in your lungs. That kind of fun stuff! An asthma patient can still walk, run, pick up heavy objects, and play sports. As for me, those things aren't nearly as much fun. Let's just say I knew right away I wasn't going to score the game-winning-goal in the championship Hockey game or anything. I mean, I can do those things to some extent; I just have to watch the pace at which I do them. It really puts a damper on life sometimes, but I don't complain. My life can be difficult, yes, but you get used to it. You learn to deal with things in different ways. I will continue to push on through everything God tests me with. Because of growing up thinking you might not live beyond your 18th birthday, your view on life kind of changes. Weird, huh? In high school I was what one might consider a bit of a daredevil. You might even say that I had a bit of a death-wish. I accepted my fate long ago and was anything "But" afraid of dying. I actually chose to search for it occasionally. I drove like a maniac in my car, wrecking it once or twice. I drank more alcohol before my 21st birthday than most do in their entire lives. I wasn't afraid to take a dare from my friends just to show them up. And I smoked a heck-of-a-lot of cigarettes and "Other Stuff". While the "Other Stuff" did make the pain, both physical and emotional go away, it wasn't the best idea for my lungs, obviously. I did finally quit every kind of smoking completely in 1998 after three longs years of on and off 'Quitting'. Enough about my stupid health, most of you know all this stuff already. Let's get back to me almost dying! Oh yeah, for those of you who were under the impression that I was healthy, and that my condition was no longer severe? Sorry... I lied. I wanted to spare some of you from worrying. So, around March 2002 I finally came home from the hospital, obviously a little more conscious of my health. I didn't want to go through that ever again. It scared both me and Jany something fierce, but we pushed on with life. Even after having gone through something like that, I still do not fear death. I have accepted it, just like I always have. But now, I no longer search for it. When it's time, it's time. I'm not going to keep looking over my shoulder for it. Life's too short to worry like that. Time on this Earth is very precious, and I've come to realize that one should enjoy as much of it as they can while they are still here. If you want something bad enough, go for it. The consequences of something can only last as long as you let them. In other words... don't hold back. Go after what you want. If it's truly important to you, nothing should stop you from g...Expand for more