Roger Moore:  

After "high" school I spent a short amount of time in rehab. After running away from the clinic I joined a circus and quickly rose to star status in the "freaks of nature" exhibit. I've always had this unique ability to blow smoke rings from my butt so I was finally able to display this talent for the viewing public and also make $6.75 an hour doing so. Ahhh, the good old days. After my doctor convinced me that I was in serious danger of developing anal cancer from my chosen profession, I decided to make a career change. I've always been fascinated by Bismark North Dakota so I decided to make a pilgrimage there and see what opportunity awaited at this enchanted land. I decided to run there from Flatwoods West Virginia In January 1996. I made it about a half a mile when my bulbous thighs rubbed together so much that my spandex running shorts caught fire and melted to my private parts where they remain permanently attached to this day. After hitchhiking from the free clinic in West Virginia to the land of my dreams in North Dakota I discovered that there were absolutely no Sno-cone stands anywhere in Bismark!!! I had a eureka moment and after a few years of aggressive panhandling I had the cash I needed to set me up for life as the sole Sno-cone entrepreneur in Bismark. I had an endless supply of free snow for 8 months out of the year and I got free cups from the dumpster behind Billy's Burger Hut. But my drea...Expand for more