Vance Lorenzana:  

The details of my life seem quite inconsequential. My father was a relentlessly self-improving business owner from the Philippines with low grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a fifteen year old French prostitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize, he would drink, he would make outrageous claims like he invented the internet. My childhood was typical, summers in Wisconsin, luge lessons. In the spring we'd catch fireflies and sell them for candy and soda pop. When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds, pretty standard stuff really. At the age of 12, I received my first slide rule and so set me on the path to where I am today. After attending the University of Michigan and obtaining a degree in Engineering, I moved to southern California and went to work for a defense contractor. My specialty was designing air to ground missiles and other assorted military hardware. For a respite from the demands of my job I’d play the didgeridoo in a Reggae band. After 6 years in California I moved back to Illinois with my wife and a new child. Shortly thereafter I obtained my pilots license and started doing test pilot work for both the Military and NASA. Through this work I made many connections with various clandestine agencies within the U.S. government. Then my life took a dark and twisted turn, much of the information about which has been classified by the C.I.A. until 2050. Murder, Intrigue? Yes. Late night rendezvous with enemies both foreign and domestic? Yes. The rest of it I dare not speak. Update 2022 Wow, it’s been almost 10 years since I wrote the above life story. I thought I would give an update on what’s been going on since then. A...Expand for more