Wes Underwood:  

Following high school, I entered the Venezuelan Navy as a seamstress and developed Velcro. A crewmember stole my idea and marketed it, went on to become VP of the USA. I was once married to an iguana, but tragedy overtook our stormy relationship and I was forced to barbecue her one night when the rations gave out. After jumping ship in Ohio, I sold ladies shoes in a Pic'n'Pay shoe store and developed a passion for sling back pumps, occasionally still sporting them with my trademark Queen Latifah look. Because of my remarkable hunting skills, King Abdorat of Morocco secured me as a bodyguard for his pet meerkats. A fun job with interesting perks, I ran afoul of the archaic Morroccan law (for kissing a camel, of all things) and soon gained employment as an armpit sniffer with the deoderant branch of Armani. It was there I met my darling Ernestine, who was a left-side sniffer. In spite of our divergent political views, we were wed under the Awful Tower in Gay Paree and lived on the middle bank for 81 years. Those were dog years, so it wasn't really all that long....Expand for more