Barry Balmer:
CLASS OF 1980
Middletown Area High SchoolClass of 1980
Middletown, PA
York Academy of ArtClass of 1983
York, PA
Antonelli InstituteClass of 1983
York, PA
Barry's Story
Life
Upon graduation, I immediately headed to the nearest bank and proceeded to take out a little more money than I had in there. $437,867.00 to be exact. I jumped in my convertible with my best friend and headed for the grand canyon where we were chased by more cop cars than I care to say. We decided to make a go of it and headed straight toward the edge of the canyon....wait, that was Thelma and Louise. I just graduated, hung out for the summer...ate some potato chips. But you want to hear something interesting about my life. Well, there was that time in Borneo when I was mistaken for Kenny Loggins who, luckily, was considered a god since recording the classics "This Is It", "Danger Zone" and "Return to Pooh Corner". It was there that I bathed in the glory of the humble natives of Borneo. Getting tattooed during the day and dancing around an open fire at night to the sounds of the "Footloose" soundtrack. ...Expand for more
Eventually I had to leave the tribe...I only had so much skin that could be tattooed. Hard to believe that a circumcision cost me a week in Borneo. But, alas, it was back to the states where I had to rejoin the commoners and white trash of society and get myself a job. I was once again subjected to hard work, ridicule, and embarrassment at the hands of my peers. Kinda felt like being back at school. I started in the basement, cleaning floors, and worked my way up, eventually mastering the art of cleaning ceilings but that became a pain in the...neck. I knew there had to be more out there. I stood on the roof of that building one day, looking out at the setting sun and it was then and there that I came to a revelation...
...Okay, if you came back here looking for the revelation, here it is. I realized then and there, staring out at that setting sun, that I really had a hankering for a bowl of Fruity Pebbles.
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