Bill Leblanc:  

MY STORY FOR RECOVERY SUNDAY '99 (and addenda) with updates by BILL L. HI, MY NAME IS BILL, AND I'M AN ALCOHOLIC AND A NICOTINE ADDICT. HUNDREDS OF THOUSANDS OF MEN AND WOMEN INTRODUCE THEMSELVES LIKE THIS EVERY DAY IN ROOMS AROUND THE WORLD. PEOPLE WHO ARE IN RECOVERY FROM SOME SORT OF ADDICTION OR DEPENDENCY. FOR MANY YEARS MY LIFE WAS A MESS. FROM EARLY CHILDHOOD I ISOLATED DUE TO A SEVERE STUTTER. I BUILT STRONG WALLS FOR PROTECTION. THOSE WALLS SOON BECAME A PRISON. IN COLLEGE I DISCOVERED THAT ALCOHOL COULD OPEN A HOLE IN THOSE WALLS BRIEFLYAND IT WAS GOOD. I ATTENDED MASS DAILY, SANG & PLAYED GUITAR AT 6 O'CLOCK MASS, WAS IN A PRAYER GROUP, WENT TO NOTRE DAME FOR A CHARISMATIC RENEWAL CONFERENCE ---- AND IT WAS GOOD. TIMES CHANGE, I STARTED MISSING CHURCH OCCASIONALLY AND IT WAS OK. ONE BEER/DAY GRADUALLY BECAME A 6-PACK, THEN 2 AND IT WASN'T SO GREAT. I EVENTUALLY QUIT GOING TO CHURCH BECAUSE IT WAS CUTTING INTO MY DRINKING TIME AND IT WAS TAKING MORE AND MORE JUST TO BE OK. THEN COMES FEB. '94. AND THE DEATH OF MY 14 YEAR OLD SON, JAMEY. HE WAS STRUCK BY A CAR WHILE RIDING HIS BIKE AT DUSK. HE WAS 3 DAYS IN INTENSIVE CARE BEFORE BEING PRONOUNCED BRAIN DEAD. FOR A LONG TIME I BLAMED MYSELF THINKING HE WAS ONLY OUT RIDING THAT LATE BECAUSE HE DIDN'T WANT TO COME HOME TO A DRUNKEN FATHER --AT THIS POINT YOU SEE, IN MY MIND, I WASN'T AN ALCOHOLIC. 2 6-PACKS/DAY BECAME A CASE/DAY AND FOR A YEAR I WASN'T DRINKING TO FEEL GOOD - I WAS DRINKING TO NOT FEEL BAD, TO BE ABLE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF. IN MARCH OF '95 MY SUPERVISOR GAVE ME THE PHONE # OF OUR EMPLOYEE ASSISTANCE PROGRAM. I HAD A 1 HOUR APPT. WITH A COUNSELLOR AND, AT HIS URGING, RETURNED WITH MY WIFE THE NEXT DAY. I TOOK A TEST WHERE 3 YES ANSWERS OUT OF 20 MEANT YOU PROBABLY HAVE A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL, I ANSWERED YES TO 17 OF THEM. WE MADE ARRANGEMENTS AND 4 DAYS LATER - MONDAY MORNING MARCH 5, 1995 - I CHECKED INTO TAU CENTER WHERE I WAS INPATIENT FOR 2 WEEKS AND OUTPATIENT FOR 2. IT WAS HERE THAT I WAS INTRODUCED TO THE 12-STEPS OF AA. THE FIRST 3 STEPS OF THE 12-STEP PROGRAM STATE THAT 1) WE ADMITTED THAT WE WERE POWERLESS OVER OUR DEPENDENCIES, THAT OUR LIVES HAD BECOME UNMANAGEABLE.----THAT WAS ME ALLRIGHT 2) WE CAME TO BELIEVE THAT A POWER GREATER THAN OURSELVES COULD RESTORE US TO SANITY-----HE'D ALREADY SHOWN ME HE WAS WORKING IN MY LIFE. 3) WE MADE A DECISION TO TURN OUR WILL AND OUR LIVES OVER TO THE CARE OF GOD AS WE UNDERSTOOD HIM. THE FIRST SUNDAY AS OUTPATIENT I RETURNED TO CHURCH WITH MY FAMILY, AFTER A DECADE+ OF TURNING MY BACK ON GOD - NOT THE CHURCH I'D GROWN UP IN, BUT THE CHURCH MY WIFE HAD RETURNED TO WHEN I QUIT GOING. IT WAS NOT JUST COINCIDENCE THAT THE GOSPEL THAT DAY WAS THE PARABLE OF THE PRODIGAL SON. DING- "YOU LISTENING BOY? I'M TALKIN TO YOU!" THE SERMON WAS ON GRACE AN IMMENSE POWER THAT COMES FROM GOD, BEYOND UNDERSTANDING, THAT FEEDS AND NURTURES THE HUMAN SPIRIT. DING- "YES, I SAID YOU!" REMEMBER NOW THIS WAS MY 2ND TIME TO SET FOOT IN THIS CHURCH. THE 1ST WAS JAMEY'S FUNERAL A YEAR EARLIER -- MY WIFE AND I WERE ASKED TO BRING THE OBLATIONS UP TO THE ALTAR -THE BREAD AND WINE. DING-DING- "YOUR CALL." WALKING UP THE AISLE I WAS PRAYING... "OK GOD, I'M WHIPPED, I CAN'T DO IT, BUT I KNOW YOU CAN. HERE'S THE BREAD AND WINE, AND HERE'S ME - I TURN MY LIFE AND MY WILL OVER TO YOUR CARE. DO WITH ME WHAT YOU WILL. AMEN." DING- I FELT A LOVE AND JOY AND WARMTH AND STRENGTH AND FREEDOM THAT I'D NEVER KNOWN - I FELT ARMS AROUND MY SHOULDERS - AND I HEARD A VOICE, SPEAKING TO MY HEART, SAYING "WELCOME HOME SON"-- INWARDLY, I WEPT. THIS CHURCH FAMILY WELCOMED ME LIKE A LONG LOST BROTHER, WARTS AND ALL, KNOWING EXACTLY WHO AND WHAT I WAS. YES, I TRULY BELIEVED I WAS 'HOME'. A WEEK LATER AT MY 'GRADUATION' FROM THE 28 DAY PROGRAM (HONESTLY THO, WE NEVER REALLY GRADUATE - GRAD SCHOOL CONTINUES ALL OUR DAYS) MY SMALL GROUP COUNSELLOR CALLED ME ASIDE AND SAID "BILL, I GOTTA TELL YOU SOMETHING. FOR THREE WEEKS I'VE GONE TO MORNING STAFF MEETING AND HAD TO TELL THEM 'BILL'S JUST NOT GETTING IT, I DON'T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO'. THEN YOU COME IN THIS WEEK AND IT'S LIKE SOMEONE FLIPPED A LIGHT SWITCH - SUDDENLY YOU GOT IT! I TOLD HER OF MY EXPERIENCE THE PREVIOUS SUNDAY. I'D WORKED THAT 3RD STEP FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, NOT MERELY ON PAPER OR IN MY HEAD. ALSO, FOR THREE WEEKS I'D GONE TO SMALL GROUP THINKING "OK, WHAT AM I GONNA GET OUT OF THIS TODAY?" THAT LAST WEEK i WENT IN THINKING "LORD, HELP ME TO SEE HOW I CAN HELP SOMEONE ELSE TODAY!" THAT WAS IN MARCH OF 1995. SINCE THEN I'VE CONTINUED TO ATTEND AA MEETINGS, RECOVERY WEEKENDS, ETC. IN 1998 A FELLOW AA MEMBER DECIDED IT WAS TIME TO RETURN TO CHURCH. WHERE DID HE DECIDE TO GO? HERE AT ST. MARGARET'S, SITTING IN THE CHAIR RIGHT BEHIND "MY CHAIR" (COINCIDENCE? I DON'T THINK SO!). THIS OLDTIMER REMOTIVATED ME AND I HELPED HIM START A NEW AA MEETING HERE . THANK YOU, OLIVER! CONVERSATIONS WITH OLIVER GOT ME TO THINKING..... WHAT WAS IT LIKE TO BE AN EARLY CHRISTIAN? I PICTURE GROUPS OF...Expand for more