David Hager:
CLASS OF 1975
Gallaher Elementary SchoolClass of 1975
Middleburg heights, OH
Middlebrook SchoolClass of 1981
Middleburg heights, OH
Midpark High SchoolClass of 1981
Middleburg heights, OH
Middleburg Heights Junior High SchoolClass of 1978
Middleburg heights, OH
David's Story
I always wanted to be a merchant marine when I grew up. My family and friends thought that was a delightful idea. As it turns out, they were not real.
I like a small piece of pie; I think they call it a sliver. That thing was great! There was something on the side, too. I forget what it was. What?
If I'm going to work somewhere, I need to have a job, a watch, and me mum to be able to deal with the day-to-day.
My hero has always been the guy with the green finger. You know, the one who digs and digs and digs and digs, but always smells great. He was in charge, boy, I'll tell you! And I always admired Ultraman, as well. He didn't smell quite as nice.
The one person from my past who I'd most like to see again is me in 3rd grade, because I could give that kid a lesson about chewing!.
If I was to be asked about my obsessions, I would have to respond, "Hey, why are you asking me this?" And then I would probably stomp my feet and curse. I'm not sure exactly what curse word would be best in this situation, but I'd probably start with one of those "G" words. Thems can cause quite a fuss!
If I could improve my home, I'd remodel my kids and add on a smarter set of kids. My dream home would be full of smarter kids. I have to tell you, kids these days...well...you know..
I love kids. They're so damn young!! My kids are young, too!! I wish they'd grow up so I could ask them for a ride somewhere. I really need to get to CVS for my medicines. I don't want to miss my stories.
If I won $100 million, I'd give all of it to cynthia, then spend the rest on that institute she goes to for testing, the myriad artists what keep her looking so good despite what's ravaging her and geologically-based porn.
I went to college for a while. This was back when before those "sex diseases" became popular. I studied under Prof. Ramsdell. He would talk for what seemed like 37 minutes and we would write in spiral notebooks and then all walk out of his room at exactly the same time. I think those family restrooms in malls are terrific!
My current age is 44. When I was 12, I thought that people my age now would be smelling like old pants. Maybe mothballs. Or that balm the Captain used. I was so completely in love with Tennille. And Simona...Expand for more
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My best friend would tell you I'm not an exhibitionist, but people who don't know me very well would probably describe me as naked in public.
Those who remember how I dressed 30 years ago are probably in need of mental health. But since they asked, I still generally wear underpants, trousers, man-blouses, slickets, up-leggings, framers, groinels, lamb-eez, over-points, and, occasionally, zimps and toe-pops. I have changed a little (lol!).
I share my home with sand vipers, which I find disturbing, since I don't live anywhere near a beach. Why are they here? Ugh. I hate these things. They don't mind my singing, which I guess is okay.
In 10 years, I hope to be sitting comfortably on my porch, sawed-off shotgun in hands, asking your grandson what he thinks he's doing tryin' to court my daughter. "I hope you remembered the sacrificial platypus, son". I'm going to know it's your grandkid, by gum, through senses you cannot comprehend.
My oldest friend is probably my mom. She's quite tremendously old - wrinkly and unmistakably old-smelling. I guess she's a friend. How do you characterize the old? I guess they's friends. But what about that stick? I'm not going to stand around and get poked in my side-ass by some oldie with a stick. I wish they cared as much for us as we cared about not getting poked in our side-ass by some stick. And how!
My first job was at Eva's IGA, where I got paid sand viper eggs to forget everything I'd see every day. What I remember most about it is how I got fired for NOT smoking in front of the customers. We were really trying to push Pall Malls that fall. .
My oldest friend has to be the one we call "Gramps". He doesn't move alot, smells of marzipan, and leaves more than his share of permanent stains, but he's awful friendly. I would say I met him last week some time? Is that right? He's on the phone, so I'll ask him later. Good guy, even though he killed my cat.
If I was to attend my high school reunion, everyone would be surprised by my alarmingly high voice. It's just something I've been working on. Maybe I can get a job on the TV. When you hear it, you'll say "Now that guy has it going on." But I won't hear you. The shrillness of my own voice has made me deaf as chipped ham.
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