Jeff McClelland:
CLASS OF 1960
Montgomery Blair High SchoolClass of 1960
Silver spring, MD
Billings Senior High SchoolClass of 1960
Billings, MT
Northwood High SchoolClass of 1957
Silver spring, MD
Montgomery Hills Junior High SchoolClass of 1957
Silver spring, MD
Parkside Elementary SchoolClass of 1954
Silver spring, MD
Jeff's Story
Life
I am a dynamic figure, often seen scaling walls and crushing ice. I have been known to remodel train stations on my lunch breaks, making them more efficient in the area of heat retention. I translate ethnic slurs for Cuban refugees, I write award winning operas, I manage time efficiently. Occasionally, I tread water for three days in a row.
I woo women with my sensuous and godlike trombone playing, I can pilot bicycles up severe inclines with unflagging speed, and I cook Thirty-Minute Brownies in twenty minutes. I am an expert in stucco, a veteran in love, and an outlaw in Peru.
Using only a hoe and a large glass of water, I once single-handedly defended a small village in the Amazon Basin from a horde of ferocious army ants. I play bluegrass cello, I was scouted by the Mets, I am the subject of numerous documentaries. When I am bored, I build large suspension bridges on my ranch. I enjoy urban hang gliding. On Wednesdays I repair electrical appliances free of charge.
I am an abstract artist, a concrete analyst, and a ruthless bookie. Critics worldwide swoon over my original line of corduroy evening wear. I do not perspire. I am a private citizen, yet I receive fan mail. I have been caller number nine and have won the weekend passes. Last summer I toured North Dakota with a traveling centrifugal force demonstration. I bat .400. My deft floral arrangements have earned me fame in the international botany circles. Children trust me.
I can hurl tennis rackets at small moving objects with deadly accuracy. I once read Paradise Lost, Moby Dick and David Copperfield in one day and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening. I know the exact location of every food item in the supermarket. I have performed several covert operations for the CIA. I sleep once a we...Expand for more
ek; when I do sleep, I sleep in a chair. While on vacation in Canada, I successfully negotiated with a group of terrorists who had seized a small bakery and were holding rodeo contestants hostage. The laws of physics do not apply to me.
I balance, I weave, I dodge, I frolic and my bills are paid. On weekends, to let off steam, I participate in full contact origami. Years ago I discovered the meaning of life but forgot to write it down. I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a mouli and a toaster oven. I breed prize winning clams. I have won bullfights in San Juan, cliff diving competitions in Sri Lanka and spelling bees at the Kremlin. I have played Hamlet, I have performed open heart surgery and I have spoken with Elvis.
Aside from all that, in late 2000, after almost 40 years spanning five decades of either flying airplanes, building airplanes or manufacturing products for the aerospace industry, I found myself "between opportunities" and leaning towards retirement. I had spent the last 22 years running one of four businesses for the oldest (233 years) company listed on the NYSE. During 2000, I watched as corporate greed and a failed hostile takeover attempt essentially dismantled the entire corporation. Sadly, it now no longer exists. I was one of the lucky ones to hit the silk with a parachute. Now, I am essentially retired. Every day is filled with something to do and I don't know how I ever had time to work. Albeit, long overdue, in mid-2018 I vacated a modest horse ranch (55 acres) in the beautiful foothills of the Sierra in the midst of California's gold country and finally moved back 'home' to Billings, MT. I have joined the throng that has left "Taxifornia', never to return. After being on the market for two years, the ranch finally sold in July 2020.
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