Mary McDuffie:
CLASS OF 1976
Clarkton High SchoolClass of 1976
Clarkton, NC
Southeastern Community CollegeClass of 1995
Whiteville, NC
Lumberton High SchoolClass of 1987
Lumberton, NC
Pembroke State UniversityClass of 1984
Pembroke, NC
Clarkton High SchoolClass of 1977
Clarkton, NC
Mary's Story
I have often been accused of having a split personality because my interests can vary from day to day. I love being home, curled up with my husband, watching a movie or reading a good book.
My husband and I are animal lovers and are always on the look out for an animal who needs to know that not all humans are monsters. Abused dogs and cats seem to find us. Our dogs and cats are like our children.
At one time in my life I enjoyed nothing more than solitude. I have numerous friends and have always enjoyed time with them, but preferred quiet moments spent alone. I still enjoy solitude, but these days I have come to appreciate the togetherness my husband and I share. We each have a past that included each other for as long as I can remember, but we were often "together-apart."
We both believe we are soul mates and know how lucky we are to have survived the years and ended up so much in love and together. We smile when others tell us they can see how much in love we are. We are both often asked for the secret to the kind of happiness we have found with each other.
I will usually say it is always necessary to be totally honest with each other and make sure your love is strong enough to forgive human frailties and errors. Never lose an opportunity to show your love for each other. It is nice to hear but words are cheap. Spend every day appreciating the little things and letting the appreciation show. The only time it is ok to nag is when it involves a safety or health issue. And one of the most important ways to maintain a love is to be friends first and foremost and always include God in your relationship. Spend quality time together and allow each other time alone to meditate and reflect. Never lose an opportunity to share something beautiful. Beauty is truly God's handwriting. And always allow the other space to be themself. Learn to share and if you really want a relationship to work, do not get involved in one for any reason other than that you are honestly in love.
My husband usually will "ditto" what I have said and he will add his own comments. He will say that love is always the key to remaining happy and together and too many times people mistake lust or sex for love. He adds that it is important to be able to enjoy someone's company without sex or lust entering into it. (You just know this is a topic a man has to bring up!!!!! BUT HE IS ABSOLUTELY RIGHT!) If pushed a bit further he will add a lesson or two he has learned, but those are things for him to discuss and not anything I have the right to share with others.
If I were to state what I find most interesting in my life it would be the fact that at one time, my "story" and interests would be filled with things I would often do alone. Today, I find pleasure in sharing everything with my husband. I honestly believe we each have a soul mate and I also believe that it is rare these days to find that person. Everyone is in too big of a hurry. You know you have found your one and only when you share a mutual respect and cannot picture your life without the other in it. And more than that, if your relationship has withstood the test of time and faced a lot of rough patches, but survived them, and you have ended in a place where all of your plans, hopes and dreams contain the other person - you know it is love. But there is more - the other person MUST feel the same about you. Love cannot be considered love unless equally shared. And it cannot have anything to do with financial security or not wanting to be alone. You must first learn to be happy alone before you can be happy with another person. And one more thing, last but not least by an...Expand for more
y means, your relationship must have God in it. There has to be respect and love in every aspect, and God must always be a part of it. I have seen couples that do not share the same beliefs and they have made it work. I am sure they could tell us how, but I cannot imagine not sharing my faith with my husband. It is the center of all we are.
As I get older and reflect on my life, I am most surprised by how much I have changed; and, how those changes have taken me back to the dreams I had as a child. I am most ashamed of the fact that I did not always include God in my daily life. I am most proud of my parents, my husband, my children, and my grandchildren. I am also totally at peace and happy with the fact that God is now a part of every breath I take.
I love my parents, my husband (in case I had not said it before), my children, my grandchildren, the animals that allow me to share their lives, my extended family, my friends, my church and church family, and all things that serve God's greater purpose.
I hate anything that destroys. My husband and I, aside from being active in our church, have become active in a group that seeks to protect children, animals and anyone who is weaker and cannot defend themselves against the bullies of the world. In fighting for these victims of hatred and bias, we have come face to face with true evil. It has been trhough this activity and the activity in our church that we have discovered the deep appreciation and respect for each other. It is also the reason we are the people we have come to be.
Everyone has regrets and I have a lot of "most regrets." One of the big ones is the regret that, as a child, I had no clue what it meant to lose a parent. Had I known, I would have given them far more love and respect than I did. They deserved far better than they received. I pray everyday they know how much I loved them. Once you lose your mom and dad, there is a void that cannot be filled by anything. I miss them every single day. I miss my father's "not so funny" jokes and the way he always had to hug everyone. And I miss my mother ... oh do I miss my mother! I cannot think of one thing I do not miss about her. A mother's love is very special, and though it is with you always, when she has gone on before you, you understand all that she did and all that she sacrificed for her family - mostly her children. I still feel the love of my mom and dad, but miss their faces and their voices terribly.
I most regret those times when I was not as patient or understanding as I could have been. And,in talking, my husband and I have both discovered we both regret times in our lives when we did not love each other as we should and could have. Too many times we let external forces take us away from the love and respect we always held in our hearts for each other. In allowing this, those things also took us away from the deep and abiding faith that originally attracted us to each other.
What we have come to understand is that the past is just that ... past. Regardless of what it held, we can benefit from it if we take the lessons it taught and use them to improve ourselves.
There are many plans we have for the future. Those plans include each other, but more, they include the blessings of God and the love of Christ. Without that, anything we do is meaningless. Once you have seen evil in its ugliest form, you come to understand this. You also come to understand how evil disguises itself with masks and can play tricks on a mind that does not have heart.
I suppose I have ranted and raved enough and will end this beefore I really drag the soapbox out.
May God Bless and Guide Each of us!!!
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