Thomas Evans:  

Hello fellow classmate. You may recall me as Thomas Evans. I'm from the Archbishop Ryan High School class of 1998. These days I go by the name Gunter von Awesomebok. I live in Berlin where I own and operate a German sex club called Das Dungeon. That's German for "The Dungeon." My hobbies include listening to music, carving modern art sculptures from rotten vegetables, watching movies in reverse to see if I can find messages from my master The Devil, and updating my classmates.com profile once every 10 years. Once I met a guy I thought was a Ron Paul impersonator; unfortunately, it turned out that he was actually Ron Paul. Needless to say, I was thoroughly disappointed. If you wish to re-establish communication with me, please follow these steps: 1) Make a small cut on your person with a knife that has been in the light of the full moon of an even-numbered month (such as February, April, June, etc.) 2) Spread the blood on your bathroom floor in the shape of a pentagram 3) Turn off the lights 4) Look in the mirror 5) Repeat the following three times, no more, no less: "Tennis shoes aren't just for tennis. You can do other stuff in them too, as it turns out. " If you follow these instructions to the letter, I will appear in your dream later that night. If you do n...Expand for more