Thomas Balades:  

was" "Never do anything you wouldn't want to explain to the paramedics" "Who wants to be a skinny pencil, I would rather be a Happy Magic Marker" "You're a great friend, but if somebody is chasing us I am tripping you" "He who laughs last, thinks slowest" "I have no interest watching injured athletes triumph, if I wanted to see that I would watch the Special Olympics" "I don't play drinking games because I don't need a stimulus to decide from thirst or depression" "The Olympics were suppose to foster peace and harmony throughout the world; man that worked out great!" "The Olympics is a chance for people who haven't thought about diving in the past 4 years, to watch six hours of it in one night" "College is not the time to play drinking games; you don't need to drink to trick yourself into having sex with a college girl, most of them are still pretty hot. But when you can only get semi-erect after being with the same girl for 23 years, that is when you need beer goggles" "You have taken so many 12 step programs you must be exhausted" "I have played many drinking games in my life and I am not an alcoholic…at least not in Scotland" "Alcoholism is a tough thing to have people peer pressure you more, nobody ever tells a diabetic "Here have another cookie" "The Olympic closing ceremony is 3,000 losing athletes and a Calderon of fire." "Why must drinking be about a competition, why can't I enjoy my drink like an orgasm where I am not worrying about the other person?"".