Rob Bradfield:
CLASS OF 1988
John W. North High SchoolClass of 1988
Riverside, CA
California State UniversityClass of 1998
San bernardino, CA
American Academy of Dramatic ArtsClass of 1992
Hollywood, CA
Rob's Story
I've learned a lot from my time in The 'Nam. Hopefully I can pass on that wisdom so we never go to war again.
1) Hobo stew does NOT have chunks of real hobo in it. Bummer.
2) Genital warts aren't funny when they're on you. On somebody else, they're hysterical. Well, maybe not so much on a spouse...
3) Contrary to popular opinion, soup actually is NOT good food.
4) Kate Hudson is a lousy actress, but she has the pictures, so she continues to get work.
5) Chicken is the one thing in the world that actually doesn't taste like chicken.
6) No matter how hard you scrub it with bleach, you can NEVER - I repeat, NEVER - get the stench of dead toddler and Zima-barf out of the back of your ice cream truck, let alone your Chuck E. Cheese suit.
7) Never turn your back on a guy from Iowa.
8) I don't care what the brochure says, Oral Roberts University does NOT have a warp-drive in their Hall of Sciency Stuff.
9) Prank calling your local fire station is never a good idea. I don't care where you live.
10) Yoko Ono and Ethiopians live off the same thing: dead beetles.
11) I finally pinned down the "mystery scent" of so many elderly people: rose air-freshener and dog-food farts.
12) You can't put the kid you sponsor through Christian Children's Charities up for re-adoption just because they "look kinda shifty..."
13) Pearl Jam just isn't good. For anybody.
14) Guns 'n' Roses - see #13.
15) There actually IS always ro...Expand for more
om for Jello. And risotto.
16) If you giggle during The Nutcracker, most people find that off-putting.
17) Jerry Lewis really isn't funny. The French just get joy from being obtuse.
18) If there really were Jewish, Scientologist and gay conspiracies in Hollywood, I'd change my name to "Saul Rabinowitz, 7th level bi-curious."
19) Mickey Rooney and Gary Busey are the same person.
20) Ever notice Tony Danza always plays somebody named Tony? Weird.
21) Anybody who tells you that they genuinely like the Grateful Dead is full of crap.
22) "Cocktail" was actually written by the ghost of Truman Capote and directed by Clyde from the "every Which Way But Loose" movies.
23) You actually can make a lot of money sitting at home and stuffing envelopes - just like those ads on the supermarket bulltein boards say you can. Anyone who tells you different is a bald-faced liar. Quit your job today.
24) If you list your ethnic origin as "Eskimo" on financial aid papers, somebody might check up on you. And wearing a parka to the meeting fools nobody!
25) Vaudeville isn't making a comeback.
26) It's impossible to say the name Conway Twitty without smiling.
27) Bert's the "top" and Ernie is the "bottom".
28) All issues of Archie Comics are written by the "Archie O' Matic" computer.
29) 10% of the people who read this are looking forward to a Billy Ray Cyrus comeback album.
30) There's no safe method of doing the Huck-A-Buck.
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