Cathy Bao Bean:
CLASS OF 1960
Teaneck High SchoolClass of 1960
Teaneck, NJ
Cathy Bao's Story
The following are "The Facts" for most of my years that form the cheerful preface to my book, The Chopsticks-Fork Principle, A Memoir and Manual about being at least bicultural and the one Universal Truth - that no father, especially an immigrant from China, says to his daughter, "Please marry an artist"!
THE FACTS (MAY BE HARD BUT THE BRAIN DOESN¿T HAVE TO BE)
I was born in China as Bao Kwei-yee, a native of Ningpo by virtue of my father's ancestry, in the Year of the Water Horse, during the 77th or 78th Cycle (depending on which book you consult).
Four years later, my parents, older sister, Bette, and I arrived in Brooklyn. As a result, I became "Cathy Bao," born about 800 miles southwest of those same forefathers, on August 27, 1942, in Kweilin/Kuei-lin/Guilin (depending on which atlas you consult). In the process, I also became a Virgo and Dodgers fan. My younger sister, SanSan, stayed in China.
One day later, Bette and I were enrolled in Public School #8. I spoke no English. Bette could say "Lucky Strike" and "Shut up." The Principal let her skip 2 grades and made me do kindergarten twice. Bette also skipped pneumonia, mumps, measles, chicken pox and lice. I did them twice too (except the pox).
In 1949, we moved to Elmwood Park, NJ, I started to think in English and forget in Chinese.
In 1951, we bought our first house half a block from Teaneck High School, reputed to be the best on the East Coast.
In 1953, I went to summer camp and got ¿scalped.¿
Four years later, I was in 10th grade and got ¿scalped¿ again.
In 1958, I received my first birthday cake.
The next year, I received the Junior Citizen of the Month Award. The following night I was summoned to court.
In 1960, I went to college where I majored in History, Government and screaming. (The latter didn't help me become the Jew I wanted to be, but it did get me on the cheer leading squad.)
In 1962, I heard Malcolm X tell my roommate she was no longer a Negro, she was a Black Woman. That same year, SanSan got out of China and drank the contents of her finger bowl.
The next year Bette wrote a worldwide best seller about SanSan.
In 1964, I went to graduate school in California and learned how to Philosophize and be a Matchmaker.
One month later, I met Bennett Bean, a Caucasian male who didn't wear socks and wanted to make art. He thought I was Japanese.
Two days after he found out I wasn't, he was declared psychologically unfit to serve in the army.
Two weeks later, he proposed. I accepted.
In 1965, I received a Kent Fellowship from the Danforth Foundation after a 5-minute interview. I enrolled at the University of California in Berkeley. There I met several of Bennett's friends. Mostly they lived in communes and nudist colonies. I became a Democrat.
The next year, Bennett started teaching at a private college. Aft...Expand for more
er he shaved his beard and cut his hair, we got married. My mother said the word "sex" to me for the first time.
In 1967, the Whitney Museum bought Bennett's sculpture even though it was upside-down, and I was accused of being a prostitute by the concierge in a big hotel (probably because I escaped a third scalping by the Bag Lady on the Staten Island Ferry and he didn¿t know women with long Chinese hair might use their brains for a living).
The next year, I started teaching at a state college for less money than I made as a waitress and helped start the Black Studies Program.
One year later, we were both fired. The students protested and we were both re-hired. Soon thereafter, I developed my Menopausal Theory of Cooking.
In 1970, we met Billie Burke. Once the Good Witch Glinda in The Wizard of Oz, she had since become a Real Estate agent. She pointed us toward the eastern equivalent of Kansas, northwestern New Jersey, where we bought an old farmhouse. The neighbors thought I was the maid.
One year later, I got tenure. When the Chairperson asked me to make curtains for the office, I resigned.
In 1973, I became a US citizen - that's when the mayor asked me to be a Lenape Indian in the town's Bicentennial Parade and I gained 70 pounds.
In early 1974, our son, William, was born. He weighed only 7 pounds, 14 ounces. 24 hours later, I decided Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy didn't exist, Cinderella was a wimp, and Pinocchio had extraordinarily poor taste in friends.
The next year, Bennett got fired again. A few months later, the National Labor Relations Board ordered the school to give him back his job.
In 1976, SanSan got divorced. She thought she was Japanese.
In 1977, William took off his diaper and I started teaching at another state college.
Two years later, Bennett was fired again. This time, when the NLRB told the college to give him back his job, he declined the honor and became a full-time artist. When the Internal Revenue Service told me we owed them taxes as a result, I declined that honor.
In 1986, William turned 12 and had his first birthday party. I turned 44 and didn't stop smoking because the hypnotist couldn't find my subconscious. So I incorporated and opened up an aerobics studio. Around this time, my college roommate became an African-American.
In 1990, William got his first tattoo.
One year after that, I slept next to some of my teeth and started to write my memoir. William got a second tattoo.
In 1993, Bennett was invited to the White House. He wore pink socks.
In 2002, once again the Year of the Water Horse, after 59 years of constructing a home and a wedding, I began the second cycle of my life by urging the newlyweds, William and Lisa, to make another life and, thereby, me a grandparent. After 35 anniversaries, Bennett continues to have too many lives.
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