Elise Reed:
CLASS OF 1982
MacArthur High SchoolClass of 1982
Decatur, IL
Elise's Story
Life
I'm a liberal feminist urban childfree tattooed wino. My husband and I enjoy reality TV, rollerblading, and going out for sushi. Things that annoy me include traffic jams, that sticker that is *inside* the cellophane wrap on a CD, and evangelical hypocrite Ted Haggard.
I pine for: the fjords, a Velvis, and a winning lottery ticket. I avoid: skydiving, volleyball, and shoveling snow. I am good at: opening wine bottles, windexing things, and memorizing lines from movies and TV. I suck at: cooking, singing, and pole dancing.
College
The details of my life are quite inconsequential.... Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French pr0stitute named Chloe with webbed feet. My father would womanize...Expand for more
; he would drink. He would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament... My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon... luge lessons... In the spring, we'd make meat helmets... When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds  pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Wilma ritualistically shaved my test1cles  there really is nothing like a shorn scr0tum  it's quite breathtaking... I suggest you try it.
Workplace
From my humble beginnings as a dirt-sorter, I moved quickly up the ranks at Haywood Jablowmi Industries until I reached the pinnacle of my success: a corner office overlooking the salt flats of Taladega.
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Yearbooks
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Reunions
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