Eric Dover:
CLASS OF 1985
Walker High SchoolClass of 1985
Jasper, AL
Eric's Story
Life
Dear Walker High
I attended your illustrious instituition as a graduate of
Townley University,up near Carbon Hill(Well,In between Saragossa and Carbon Hill to be specific.)I lurnt good ther.I have since lurnt lots bout playin the gittar and such.
So much in fact that I made it a living.I have no children no pets and am single.
I get home to visit maybe twice a year.I wonder about several of us and what has become of everyone.I think it's time for a twentieth anniversary reunion yes?
One thing I should mention is that yer womenfolk there at that school of yours f*cked me up.
I had to go to one of those psychiatric doctors to figure out what the hell was up.
The doc said,"Well Eric,What seems to be the problem?"
I said,"Susan Hyche broke my eleventh and twelfth grade heart.
The doctor said,"Yes, I am familiar with these cases.Let me refer you to a specialist in these matters."He gave me the address,1601 Highland Ave.Jasper Alabama.It was there that I
had consultation with a Gene Raburn, who was sitting upon a yoga mat in the lotus position
upon my arrival into his taj.The Teala monster slithered as a shapshifter within the walls,dissapearing in and out of them at random intervals.Before I could speak he summoned me spaking thusly,"You have come for the key to knowledge of your pimp ass
self.Well then student,Listen to the wisdom of the ages from our hallowed halls of greatness.
Listen to the teachers who have instructed you wise and the answeres will come forth.it was then that I saw black eyes peirce my skin as I looked into the corner to witness appearing from the darkness Tucker Robert,who was clad in Samurai body armor and whose tounge
revealed a flaming double edged sword.The eyes swelled from pinwheel dots to meteor
impacts in an instant and he breathed blue flames as he spoke...
"Young man,We wanna do this thing tastefully here.There will ...Expand for more
be no spandex pants at this assembly wer'e gonna have to call your parents here.Now ya hear?It was then that Hash Brown jumped out of the confiscatied comix seized from Musashi that were locked in Gene Raburn's desk drawer and shot the Teala monster with a chicken salad and syrup gun.The results were hardly predictable.
The syrup caused the Tucker Robert to gyrate in a whirling dervish fashion,rendering him inert.This was caused by the overwhelming amount of sugars from the syrup entering through his butt by osmosis when he sat upon an unhappy pancake.
The pancake exploded,sending battered bits everywhere.Then a halo appereared.
In it was Susan Hyche, sitting amidst two swans covering her breasts.
She said unto me.Do not be afraid, for I am a siren of your lovesong to the world.
Even though I went out with Felix Files instead of you in your senior year."
I said "Thank you swan cladding thy breasts one."I hold you in my memory and eternally
in the backseat of the red Chysler station wagon I used to take you out in.
The psychosis lifted,my spirits brightened and then Feyd arrived,crashing through the ceiling into a hovering position only inches from the floor in a antigravity prototype time manipulation saucer.He jumped out of the hatch,drew a stun pistol and zapped everyone in the room (including ol swanny breasts herself.)We then drank some whiskey and spent almost an hour posing them in ridiculous positions like:Tucker Robert in his underwear,with a clown nose.in a tutu.etc.
We also posed Swanny with Teala in a steamy Maxim magazine sort of concept.
It was pretty hot.We made a virtual reality bubble bath and covered them with suds.
Being stunned and in hypnosis they were open to our powers of suggestion.
We told Swanny that Teala was Felix.We then told Teala that Swanny was Melissa Etheridge.
The photos came out stunning if I say so myself.
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