Fred Hofmann:  

Four score and seven years ago, I tortured teachers, and students alike with hilarious pranks and wicked tricks designed to baffle peoples minds. Nothing much has changed. I`m still an evil genius. A loving good natured family man, but still a silly funloving, fuzzy guy that`ll do absolutely anything to make people laugh. I like to distract people from the darker side of life, where we live to pay bills, rush to appointments, get gas, and everything else BUT what we`d really like to do with our lives. Im basically a down to earth guy with high morals, standards, and principles that loves his daughter, and tries to instill old fashioned values in her as well. I`m dying to write a bunch of ridiculous nonsense in here to scramble some of your brains, so for any of you that remember what it was like for my english teachers who made me do "creative writing" Id describe myself as a warm friendly ex-con with several different identities, that enjoys a multitude of different hobbies. From robbing old ladies and gobbling down their groceries, to testing a cops foot speed in a race from the bank to my home (The dumpster behind burger king in Seaford) Yes my life is quite adventurous. Sometimes I like to put ads in the paper like Im a Dr. offering house calls with free examinations. Once I get to their home, I quickly get my chloroform and creep up behind them like a silly burglar so I can put the rag over their mouth that puts them to sleep. Once their asleep, I inject them with a myriad of different drugs designed to scramble their brains and keep them asleep. After watching Judge Judy, Friday the 13th part 2, and a few other great shows, I get my sawzall and hack off one of their arms or a leg so I can make a pretty lamp out of them to put in my livingroom. After my procedure, I write up the bill and charge them extra for kicking their dog in the face before I leave. My goal in life is to help as many people as possible in this world and make them feel good about themselves. Im a caring nurturing murderer, I mean, man that creeps around town late at night, staring into windows and eating peanut butter and jelly sandwiches on peoples rooftops. Maybe if youre into pain, suffering, worshipping the devil, and animal abuse, you can call me and we`ll race caterpillars down the street, and place potato chips neatly around the bodies of all of our victims corpses. In the summer I like to go to the beach with a magnifying glass ...Expand for more