David Jones:  

UPDATE OF A WONDERFUL LIFE 05/24/2010: AFTER GRADUATION JOINED THE MILITARY, BECAME AN OFFICER AND A GENTLEMAN. GOT OUT, WORKED FOR AT&T BEFORE FINDING OUT THAT THE RHOADES SCHOLAR DISTRICT MGR ONLY MADE 17K A YEAR. QUIT THAT DAY AND WENT TO COLLEGE. GOT ASSO DEGREE +1YR. GOT IN THE CAR BUS AND STARTED SELLING TOYOTAS, MOVED TO WINTER HAVEN WITH MY MENTOR AND WENT INTO MANAGEMENT. CAREER WENT WELL. INVESTED IN MY FIRST DEALERSHIP IN COLUMBUS GA. RECESSION YRS, AND MENTOR/PARTNERSHIP FELL OUT. LOST EVERYTHING, BUT DID GAIN A BEAUTIFUL DAUGHTER. WOUND UP IN ROCKHILL S.C. WITH TOYOTA. SUCCESS! INVESTORS APPROACHED ME, BOUGHT A TOYOTA DEAL BACK IN WINTER HAVEN, NAMED IT MIRACLE TOYOTA BECAUSE ALL MY FRIENDS AND ENEMIES SAID IT WOULD BE A "MORTAL MIRACLE" IF I STAYED IN BUSINESS. BECAME ONE OF THE LARGEST VOLUME DEALERS IN SOUTHEAST, OUTSOLD MY OLD MENTOR, WAS SWEET REVENGE. DID TO WELL, MY PARTNERS WANTED TO SELL! BOUGHT A TOYOTA DEAL IN BEAUFORT S.C. WITH THE PROMISE FROM MY DISTRIBUTORSHIP THAT I COULD MOVE TO A MORE FAVORABLE LOCATION. NOT! A BATTLE WHICH PUT ME OUT OF BUSINESS AND I WENT FROM A HERO TO A ZERO. "WHEN YOU HAVE MONEY, YOU ARE VERY FUNNY, WHEN YOU ARE BROKE YOU ARE A JOKE"! BY THIS TIME I HAD THREE GIRLS AND WAS JOBLESS AND BLACKBALLED IN MY INDUSTRY. OUT OF WORK FOR 40 MOS. LIVED ON CREDIT. LITIGATED MYSELF AGAINST TOYOTA BACK TO RICH AGAIN!! MARRIAGE FALTERED, EXPLODED, FROM ALL THE TURMOIL! GOT IN USED CAR BUSINESS. IT WAS NOT SUCCESSFUL. SOLD REMAINS AND I AM TRYING TO GO DOWN THE TOILET AGAIN. IRS CHALLANGED ONE DEDUCTION FROM LEGAL SETTLEMENT. I DON'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY OR LIFETIMES TO CONTINUE THIS BATTLE. THEY'RE MEAN! IT'S TAKEN THE REST OF MY STASH AND 11 YEARS OF MY LIFE. I FEEL LIKE I'VE HAD A FRONTAL LABOTOMY! LIFE IS GOOD! I BELIEVE I ACTUALLY DID HAVE THE LOBOTOMY. WHY ELSE WOULD LIFE BE GOOD! I LOVE TO LAUGH UNTIL I PEE IN MY PANTS. I HAVE NO REGRETS AND FEEL I CAN MAKE IT BACK TO THE TOP AT LEAST FOUR MORE TIMES BEFORE I MOVE ON TO ASSISTED LIVING! SOMEONE SCREWED UP MY BIRTH CERTIFICATE! I KNOW I’M OLDER THAN 30. MAYBE IT WAS THE HEAD TRANSPLANT! YOU KNOW WHAT I LOVE ABOUT LIFE? I LOVE SWIMMING FOR MY HEALTH IN MY BATHTUB. I LOVE RUNNING FROM MY NEIGHBOR'S ROTTWILLER AFTER HE'S BROKEN THROUGH HIS CONCRETE FENCE. I LOVE SHOPLIFTING. I LOVE CHASING GOATS ON MY FARM. WAIT A MINUTE, I DON'T HAVE A FARM. I LOVE TELLING ABOUT MY ABDUCTION BY ALIENS. I LOVE THAT ALL OF MY DAUGHTERS ARE BEAUTIFUL AND I AM SO HANDSOME. IT IS GENETIC YOU KNOW! I LOVE SKYDIVING, BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF GOING DOWN THE TUBE. I LOVE SCUBA DIVING BECAUSE IT REMINDS ME OF BEING FLUSHED DOWN THE TOILET. I LOVE MY STOCK BROKER. I LOVE MOWING MY LA...Expand for more