Ken Auer:
CLASS OF 1981
Vineland High SchoolClass of 1981
Vineland, NJ
Ken's Story
Well, I met Carol Babbitt at graduation practice and married her four years later. She's put up with me for close to 25 years now.
That's the short story. The long one is more than space would allow but I'll share a bit.
After a few relationships in high school that just didn't work out, I decided I was going to go through life unmarried. I had been looking for "happily ever after" and figured it would never happen so I would just live as a free spirit.
When I met Carol, I thought she was cute and seemed to have a depth to her and a confidence about her. For the first day or so, I thought that she might be the kind of girl who I could have a fling with. Somewhere in the middle of our conversations, it came up that my pastor was going to give the invocation at the graduation. She indicated that she was a Christian, too, and went to a Methodist church in Millville. I didn¿t deny that I was a Christian, but thought that she took it more seriously than I did... in fact, I never remembered any other girl seeming to care whether or not I was a Christian, or caring much about it myself. However, I quickly began to realize that she took her faith somewhat seriously, and made the connection that her morality might preclude us having a ¿fling¿, though I had not spent much time thinking about morality at that time other than the morality I saw portrayed on TV and in the movies... there was nothing two consenting adults could do that was immoral. I just had a feeling that there were things she wouldn¿t consent to do. (We didn¿t really discuss how deep my moral standards went at that point).
Well, I quickly forgot my vow that I was going to give up on a serious relationship. This girl was my new fantasy, and she seemed to be interested in me. We started seeing each other during any spare time we had. About a week or two later, she said something related to her faith, and I was more interested in talking about something else. Then she asked me a question which I¿ll never forget. ¿You know something I don¿t understand. You say you are a Christian, but how come anytime I bring up anything about faith, you seem to change the subject.¿ I honestly hadn¿t recognized that I was doing that. The reality was that I had nothing of depth to talk about. I said, ¿I didn¿t realize I was doing that. What do you want to know?¿. She said, ¿Have you accepted Jesus as your personal Savior?¿.
For a moment, I was shocked. No one had ever asked me that question before, or if they had, I never remembered it... not even during confirmation classes in the Lutheran church I grew up attending. In a few moments, everything I had heard over 18 years in the church seemed to come together as a personal experience. I had heard since I was little that ¿Jesus died for our sins¿. I remembered Mr. Woschenko (my 8th grade Sunday School teacher) saying that ¿I had better be right with God when Jesus comes back.¿ I had recognized over the last few years that I could be a jerk even though I really didn¿t want to be. At that moment, I connected the fact I couldn¿t keep myself from being a jerk at times to realizing that I was, personally, a sinner... and a hopeless one who was incapable of keeping myself from ever being a jerk again. I needed to be saved from myself, and Jesus (who I remembered was ¿sinless¿) was the only one who could do it. This all flashed through my mind in a matter of seconds (if that long), and I just simply turned to Carol and said, ¿Yes!¿. She had no idea that this was a moment of decision for me.
Unfortunately for both of us, Carol really wasn¿t that much further ahead in her faith than I was. From that moment on, I began to pay more attention to the sermons I heard going to both her Methodist church, where they seemed to care about this ¿personal salvation¿ thing more than the Lutherans, and I listened more at the Lutheran church, too. Sometimes, I would even engage in discussions with others about faith. But the reality was that, although I knew I couldn¿t save myself, I really didn¿t make Jesus a priority in my life. There were some things I knew were wrong, and tried to avoid them, but the reality is that I was satisfied to grade myself against others, and I could always find some way I was better than others.
Well, fast forward a few years. I did a lot of stuff I regretted in college. I broke up with Carol for a while and then got back together. As we got close to graduating, she suggested that, when we got married and moved to wherever it would be, that we should really get involved in a church as that was missing from our lives and we were being drug down by the college way of life. I didn¿t really know exactly what she meant, but I did know that she was right to some extent.
So, I found a church when I moved to Florida that was a lot like me. They appreciated Jesus, and liked having fun. I worked with the youth, and that kept me from doing some of the things I regretted in college. But, even after Carol & I were married, I didn¿t really have a clue what Christianity was about.
Our first year of marriage wasn¿t that good. I worked a lot. Carol missed her family a lot and didn¿t click with the youth group I was helping out. On the other hand, our marriage wasn¿t that bad. The one thing we had going for us was that we had committed to remove the word ¿divorce¿ from our vocabulary (as suggested by my cousin Terry and her husband Freddie who had become Christians a few years earlier). So, though I didn¿t really know what I was doing, I was committed to Carol at some level.
Somewhere along the line, we had gone to a ¿young adult¿ retreat together through the church. We had met a few other young adults in ¿southwest Florida¿ that were also going to Presbyterian churches (it took a lot of churches in Florida to come up with a handful of YOUNG adults as most people were there to retire or party), and a few decided to start a bible study. Carol started going, but I always had the excuse of having to work.
Well, one night during a time where I was REALLY working a lot, I finished up a task I had been working real hard on and realized it was a little before 5:00. I thought about starting another task and, for some reason I heard a little voice inside my head saying, ¿Go home and see your wife¿. So, I decided going home at 5:00 one day in the middle of the week wasn¿t going to kill me or the project, and I left my desk. As I entered the house, I was greeted by, ¿What are YOU doing here?¿. Realizing that I really had been neglecting Carol too much, I said, ¿I came home to spend time with my wife.¿
So, we actually had dinner together and the next thing you know, she was packing up some stuff and said, ¿Well, are you coming or not?¿ I had no idea what she was talking about. I was thinking we would watch a movie together or something. I said, ¿coming where?¿ She said, ¿to the bible study! It¿s Wednesday night!¿. Not having any other plans, I didn¿t think I could say no, so I just said, ¿Oh, is that tonight. Sure, I¿ll go with you.¿
So, I went and had to admit that it was good to spend some time with some other young people close to my age. They all seemed really nice, but just a little weird. When they spoke of Jesus, it was as if they personally knew Him. They were just like my cousin Terri and Freddie. I had never met anyone in the Lutheran churches I had attended, or even the Methodist churches I went to with Carol that spoke about Jesus in this way. And then there was this embarassing moment when one of the young ladies said something like, ¿Isn¿t it neat that God is like this...¿ I don¿t remember what attribute she was giving God, but I remember my response. ¿What are you talking about? God is not like that!¿. She said, ¿What do you mean? It says in Romans... and then in Deuteronomy He said... and ...¿. I did not know how to respond because I didn¿t know much of anything the Bible said, even though I went to church for all those years.
But, in spite of that embarassing moment, I enjoyed myself, Carol was glad I came, and I figured that I could make it a priority to come the following week. I did, and once again lost an argument to the same girl. This actually became a pattern for a few weeks. So, one day, I decided that I was going to put an end to this foolishness. I told Carol, ¿you know, I¿m sure Gail has some wrong ideas about God. I just don¿t know how to pull verses out like she does, but I¿m sure she¿s wrong. So, I¿m just going to start in Matthew and start reading right through the Bible, and I¿m sure I¿ll find all kinds of things that will prove her wrong."
The next few weeks and months were very troubling. I would read several chapters every day. And instead of finding all sorts of evidence that I was looking for that Gail was nuts, I started getting a better understanding of how far from Christ I was. Rarely a day would go by that I wouldn¿t read something that would really start to humble me. I think the sermon on t...Expand for more
he mount (Matthew 5-7) was when I first started feeling really uncomfortable about how far short I fell of God¿s standard. Then I saw how Jesus condemned those who thought they were righteous, but defined righteousness by their own standard rather than God¿s. I began to realize that He was talking about me.
Now, I have to admit that there was much in the New Testament I didn¿t understand. Since I had never read the Old Testament other than a brief stint as a child deciding to read the bible from the beginning (not sure how far I had gotten, but I certainly didn¿t understand whatever I had read), many of the references to it in the New Testament meant nothing to me.
Finally, I finished all the way to Revelation. I remember being amazed that much of the liturgy of the Lutheran church was actually quotes from the Bible. Not only had I not known that, but I wondered how I could have spent so much time in the Lutheran church saying these words without anyone ever telling me (that I remember) that the words were taken from Scripture, the context from which they were taken, or the significance of the words/concepts. I certainly didn¿t fully understand them then, either, but I began to have some clue.
Well, I decided that the best thing for me to do to prove Gail wrong was to read through the New Testament again, but that I should probably read through the Old Testament before I do, hoping it would help me understand some things better. I was actually kind of dreading reading through the Old Testament as some of the people in our Bible study had pointed out that sometimes the Old Testament is harder to understand and get excited about. I was kind of fearing that, if the New Testament had been so hard for me to understand, how was I going to have a prayer of understanding the Old Testament. And then, a miracle occurred.
In the church bulletin that following Sunday, there was a notice that a nearby Presbyterian church was offering a ¿Walk Thru the Old Testament¿ one day seminar. I thought, maybe this would be like the Cliff¿s Notes... I could just go through the ¿walk thru¿ and not actually have to read it! So, I convinced Carol that we should sign up. Little did I know how God would use it to change my life.
Not only was the class extremely helpful in understanding the big picture of the Old Testament and the sequence of events, but the speaker was very engaging and used the times between sessions to tell us little stories that pointed us to Jesus Christ. I will never forget one story he told...
There was a great tight rope walker who would walk across tight ropes in strange places. He was quite a showman. One day, he had a tight rope set across a wide canyon and asked the people, ¿Does anyone think I can walk across this tight rope, and do a handstand in the middle of the rope?¿ Some people cheered him on, while others were more skeptical. But, he walked out across the tightrope, and did the handstand. After he had walked back to the crowd, with a few more acrobatic moves along the way, he asked the crowd, ¿Now do you think I can walk halfway across and do a handstand?¿ The crowd enthusiastically yelled, ¿Yes, of course, you are great!¿ He then pointed to a wheelbarrow and said, ¿Do you think I can walk across this tightrope pushing this wheelbarrow?¿ The crowd again, enthusiastically cheered, ¿Yes, of course you can! You can do anything. You are the greatest tightrope walker in the world!¿. Always the showman, the man said, ¿Who thinks I can walk across this tight rope, pushing the wheelbarrow, with a man riding in it?¿ They answered, even more excitedly, ¿Of course you can, you are the greatest!¿. He then said, ¿Who would like to be the first to volunteer to ride in the wheelbarrow?¿. Suddenly, the crowd grew silent.
The instructor then went on to say that there was a difference between saying you believed something, and then being willing to act on that belief. He then further pointed out the difference between 3 Greek words that often get translated into "believe".
One of those words meant ¿notice to be true.¿ He illustrated this by the point that a person can see an airplane flying in the sky and say, ¿I believe that plane can fly¿.
But there is another Greek word that sometimes gets translated as ¿believe¿ that means something a little different. It is the word that is suitable when one sees or hears about a plane flying and says that he doesn¿t understand how a plane can fly and begins to doubt his own senses... so he goes to the library and gets out a book on aerodynamics. He studies it and comes to an understanding of how the shape of the wings and the wind hitting them can provide enough lift, so he now understands what his senses told him to be true. Because he has come to an intellectual understanding of how airplanes fly, he can now say, ¿I believe that plane CAN fly.¿.
But there is still one more Greek word that we translate to "believe". It is the word we use when we go to the airport, buy ourselves a ticket, and step through the gate and onto the plane. You are putting your life in the hands of that pilot and that plane and can choose to say, ¿I believe THAT plane can fly.¿ as you step on the plane.
I began to think to myself, ¿You know, when Carol asked me that question about whether I accepted Jesus as my personal savior, and I said, ¿Yes¿, all I did was acknowledge what I had observed to be true: I was a sinner, needed a savior, and Jesus was the one who could do it. And, as I had now read the New Testament, it was as if I had studied aerodynamics. Between what I had read on my own, heard at church and the bible study I was now faithfully attending, I had come to an understanding of how Jesus was the only One truly qualified to save me, and how his death on the cross and resurrection was the only sufficient way He could save me. I had an intellectual understanding of HOW Jesus had saved me, and I believed he was my personal Savior and was so grateful to him that He did it. But, had I ever really ¿put my faith in Jesus by stepping on board?¿.
As I was thinking this, the instructor was pointing out that just about everyone knows John 3:16, ¿For God so loved the world that He gave His only son to die for us, so that whoever may BELIEVE in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life.¿ And, he said that the Greek word translated into ¿believe¿ in this verse is the same Greek word that would be used to describe what we would need to do to step on the plane or into the wheelbarrow.
I mulled it over in my mind, but wasn¿t sure what it meant to truly believe in Jesus as my Friend, Lord, and Savior. I purchased a Bible at that conference that had a lot of notes explaining each book of the Bible, which I thought I could use as I begin to actually read the Old Testament. I was excited about the new Bible and wondered if it would be what I needed to actually win an argument with Gail. But God had other ideas and wasn¿t going to let me off that easily.
In a matter of days, I remember having an argument with Carol, and remembering that I had removed the word ¿divorce¿ from my language. So, instead, I stormed out of the house and complained to God that he had TRAPPED me in this relationship for the rest of my life with this terrible wife. Then, God broke through my thoughts somehow and said, ¿You idiot! She is the one who is TRAPPED. She is a wonderful wife that I gave to you in spite of the fact that you dumped her in college, and you are a sinner who wants everything his own way and won¿t acknowledge ME as your Lord and put your faith in me for everything.¿ I realized that He was right and I was wrong and that I was going to let Him run my life from now on, submitting my will to His. I laid face down on the ground on a culdesac in Florida, and cried out to Him to take over my life.
I have never regretted it for a minute! And, eventually, I began to feel like I knew Jesus like those other weird people.
How could I do His will? I needed to know it first... and then I had to agree to do it, no matter whether I could see how it would yield the kind of result I wanted or not. The intimate relationship I desired could not be satisfied by anyone else, because no one was as good as Jesus or could love as much as Jesus. There was my unconditional love.
Well, the Lord has taught me a lot and changed my life in radical ways ever since. I still don't understand His will perfectly, but I've learned to trust Him and recognize His word as the source of truth rather than relying on the wisdom of the world, or my own understanding.
We moved to North Carolina in 1988 and love it here. The Lord has given us 3 wonderful children, a business to run, and an incredible church family. We homeschool our children and have a very full life. We bought some beautiful wooded property southwest of Raleigh and built a home/in-law-suite/office on it which we moved into in 2009.
If you want to see how some weird people live, drop us a note and come on down and see us.
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