Ron Engle:
CLASS OF 1976
Oxon Hill High SchoolClass of 1976
Oxon hill, MD
Belleville Township East High SchoolClass of 1976
Belleville, IL
Centreville High SchoolClass of 1976
Clifton, VA
Friendly High SchoolClass of 1974
Ft. washington, MD
Pontiac Junior High SchoolClass of 1972
Fairview heights, IL
Ron's Story
Life
[under construction - rough draft] Call me Ahab. e^(-pi*i)=e^(pi*i)= An equation more beautiful & mysterious than any woman I know & defies logic just like every woman I have ever known. Currently working on the Unified Field Theorum (T.O.E.) but don't quite understand the math, yet.
ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME: Help is Here! has FINALLY arrived at the Alamo to aid the Defenders & 2107106544/3.3-4=? Also, I wear my feelings on my shirtsleeve - when I'm happy, I write happy & when I'm angry, I write angry.
WHAT MY FRIENDS SAY ABOUT ME: 1) I look like a college student & talk like a college professor. 2) I'm book smart and women stupid. 3) I'm the most stable person they know!
ABSTRACT: In '73, I met the love of my life, my soul mate, the yen to my yang - one Ms. Karol Kraak. In '74, I lost her. Since then - consciously or subconsciously, right or wrong - I've been yearning for her ever since. This has had a tremendous negative impact on my life.
PREMISE OF '74 TO PRESENT: "Everything Karol told me in Maryland was the truth."
PREMISE OF '05: "Everything Karol told me in Maryland was a lie."
PROLOGUE:
TO MY FRIENDS IN BELLEVILLE, ILLINOIS: I had a GREAT time growing up w/ you & wish I had never moved, but my Dad got orders & off we went to D.C. Thanks for all the wonderful memories, especiall you, Harriette "Sis" Welch. Those of you that knew me when I was 120-135 lbs. might be surprised to learn I have bulked up to 200 lbs. & only 20 of that is beer belly!
[depression, & became very self-destructive. It was like I was drowning in an ocean of Despair, & the more I begged her for help in understanding what was happening, the more she distanced herself from me, never once giving me an answer to the millions of questions I asked her (at least, not one that made any sense). And so I sank to the bottom of that ocean, & have remained there, which is what I've kept bottled up inside me for the past 30 yrs. You see, when people decide to end their relationship, they usually fight, yell, shout, & talk it out - both sides get to air thier grievances & come to an understanding, but she never gave me this courtesy although I encouraged it.]
TO MY FRIENDS WHO SAW ME THROUGH THE TRANSITION OF '74: Thank you for your patience & understanding. I don't know what I would have done w/o you or where I would have ended up!
TO ALL MY GIRLFRIENDS SINCE '74: I loved each & every one of you in some way, & I enjoyed the time we spent together  lots of fond memories. However, there was only one person I could see as being my partner in Life, the mother of our kids, & someone I could grow old w/. I hope the following will explain why I was not able to form anything more than a carnal bond w/ any of you. I have to admit, though, a few of you did come close - most notably: Linda, I.Sue, Debi, Michelle, and Melinda (you are a 10 yr. work-in-progress).
TO ANYONE ELSE WHO KNEW ME THAT I HAVE FAILED TO MENTION: I hope this explains my quirky, moody nature to you.
LIFE: As a result of the following story, I have not done anything spectacular w/ my life, but all that is about to change.
NOTE: I have never discussed any of what you are about to read w/ anybody - I have kept it bottled up inside me for over 30 yrs. The few times my family suggested I get "therapy" to help me get through this, I told them there is only one person who can answer the questions I have, & she either wouldn't or couldn't answer them when I asked them 30 yrs ago, & she damn sure isn't going to answer them now. I've suffered w/ a tortured mind since '74, so this is about me venting, for the first time. I'm using this forum in an attempt to reach Karol, so she can see just exactly what she did to me & hopefully, she will teach her kids not to do the same thing; hopefully, she will teach her kids to have more consideration & compassion for thier significant others than she did for me.
LIFE BIO is continued in SCHOOL BIO.
School
LIFE BIO (cont) - PART 2/5.
HISTORY: In '73, I went to Oxon Hill HS. Karol went to Friendly HS. We met in Sunday School. I thought she was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. (Google Daisy Fox, Canadian, for a good blond approx of her facial beauty.) After I worked up enough courage to ask her out, we went out for the next yr. During that yr, I only made one mistake w/ her, which I instantly regretted, but which for me was the defining moment in which I knew she was the only girl for me. As I said, I discovered she was perfect (inside & out), THE ONE, the love of my life & my best friend. I thought she felt the same about me since I believed her when she once told me, "I love you so much I would gladly die for you, if necessary." (This one line has haunted me for 30 yrs!!! Part of me hopes some young girls use this line on her kids and screws up their minds as much as she did mine, and part of me wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.)
In the summer of '74, she move to Pennsylvania (premature romantic relationship interruptus). Even we were only 150 miles apart & both had telephones & driver's lisenses, we never called each other or visited each other. It was during this time I also learned her parents were grooming her to be a pro-model, Miss America?, & the wife of a senator & I wasn't in the picture (her parents got their wish - read on), but it would be 25 yrs before I learned that, apparantly, our parents had entered into an agreement that I was not to call or visit her, & I suspect it was the same for her about me. We were only allowed to write each other, thus her parents set us up to fail.
[note to self: rework next 3 para; accept more responsibility]
At this point in time, I was a mess. I trusted her to do the right thing by me, but I also knew the pressure on her to begin dating by the hicks would be tremendous. I was sad, miserable, & lonely w/o her. I was very jealous of anybody who got to spend time w/ her. And all of this was reflected in the letters I wrote her.
During this time, she would write and tell me how much she loved me & missed me & then she began telling about the group dates she was going on on the weekends, which made me very nervous and insecure. I knew her family and new friends were brainwashing her against me, convincing her I was some kind of psycho b/c toward the end of summer, she claimed I had bipolar syndrome and needed help - I would challenge that by claiming I was writing from the heart and expressing my fears, worries, and anger to her about what she was doing & the situation we were in.
Then, I got THE LETTER, in which she said she was going to Homecoming w/ the captain of the football team (instead of me) & w/ that single letter, she not only broke my heart, but shattered into a million pieces (which I'm still piecing back together, 30 yrs later). At that point, I lost it - I was angry w/ her & what she did rocketed me straight into a state of shock, depression (possibly clinical), & a plethora of other negative adjectives. To make a long story short, I did something impetuous & stupid - I sent her letters back to her w/ instructions that she re-read them, figure out where her heart was, &, if she still loved me, send them back. She never sent them back & stopped writing me even though I continued to write her which made me sadder, lonlier, angrier, and more depressed. Brainwashing was complete!
LIFE BIO is continued in COLLEGES BIO.
College
75-76/Prince George's C.C. - Took several courses while still in high school; also attended a science seminar (endocrinology)at John's Hopkins U. on weekends.
76-77/Tx.Tech.U. - CLEPed out of freshman science classes; became well known in the biology dept.
77-81/T.C.C.&San Jacinto C.C. - Became a doctor (of sorts).
86-91/U.T.S.A. - Started off as pre-med, but decided I didn't want to spend 12 more yrs in school; switched to chemistry, then computer science. Loved tutoring so much I dropped out. While there, I was recognized as one of the best bench chemists & programmers in my class.
LIFE BIO (cont) - PART 3/5.
HISTORY - Cont: What really sucks is that 1) I don't know what I did or did not do to drive her into the arms of another, & 2) she didn't have the cajones to break up w/ me, even though I asked her if that ...Expand for more
was what she was doing (thus, no closure).
I did not get a letter from her nor I did not see her again until the Sr. Prom. Why she agreed to be my escort at the prom, I'll never know, but I now realize she didn't come up their to be w/ me - she had another agenda; I was simply the obligation she had to fullfill to achieve that agenda.
On our birthday, the following year ('77), I wrote her again. I got a letter form her (boy?)friend, claiming she never wanted to hear from me again. Of course, that didn't set well with me and I let him know it in no uncertain terms. I have not heard from her, either directly or indirectly, since then.
MORAL OF MY STORY: No matter how many times or how much a girl tells you she "loves" you or is "in love" w/ you, don't believe it as I have learned girls will love whoever is buying them hamburgers & french fries & taking them places at that particular time, & Karol is the only person who can convince me otherwise - but I guarantee, she won't. So, if you find yourself in a similar situation, my advice is to RUN LIKE HELL & NEVER LOOK BACK, or you might find yourself living a stagnant life waiting for her to come back like I did mine (up to this point). I've since learned girls only marry for 1) security/money 2) lust 3) convenience, but hardly ever marry for love.
LIFE BIO is continued in WORKPLACE BIO.
Workplace
'81 to '85: I was a doctor (of sorts). I found (& this is documented) that I was 20-30 yrs ahead of my time, & the public wasn't ready for me, so I quit. The stuff I did then is becoming common knowledge now.
'86 to Present: Tutoring kids & fixing computers. I have a client base of over 5,000 kids - not bad for a batchelor, & I get to send them home when I'm done w/ them!
LIFE BIO (Cont) - PART 4/5 - The following is a personal message to Karol  I hope she gets a chance to read it.
Karol  You really broke my heart, screwed up my head, & destroyed my confidence & self-esteem. Of that, there can be no doubt. I am just about through the anger & the bitterness, but I'm not sure if I can ever get rid of the resentment.
I never stopped loving you and always believed we would get married - you would teach, I would have my practice, we would have 2.4 kids and together, we would sell real estate in the evenings and on weekends (we would have made an unbeatable team and who knew the market would bubble?!). However, you screwed that dream up for the both of us and you will have to live with the knowledge that, for over 30 yrs, you destroyed me.
I still have about a million things to discuss w/ you, a million questions (not unlike those young children of recently divorced parents ask) you STILL owe me answers to... But one question I would like the answer to is this: "If your husband was in the service and was M.I.A., would you wait for his return (one way or the other) no matter how long it took or would you have him declaired dead and annul the marriage?"
For 30 yrs, I believed in the premise, "Everything she told me in Maryland was the truth" & that you would get your head on straight, "un-brainwash" yourself, & find me, however, I don't think your going to get a clue until you meet your Maker. However, I am now willing to admit that will never happen & am taking steps to fix this problem.
You Once told me: "I love you so much I would gladly die for you, if neccessary" & asked me if I felt the same about you. I don't think I answered you then, but I can now. The answer was "yes" & I have spent the last 30 yrs proving it, Q.E.D. I guess that sorta proves everthing I told you back then was the truth! I can also tell you this: You don't necessarily have to die to suffer death.
You recently wished me "peace & joy". Thank you, but IÂm afraid I will have neither. In adherence w/ Shakespear's 2nd best line, "To thine own self be true", I have never been one to settle for second best. I learned a long time ago that for me to develope anything but "special friendships" w/ girls was like settling for second best & would only result in disaster - I would be living a lie.
For 30 yrs, I lived under the premise: "Everything you told me in Maryland was the truth", however, when I put that to the Mommy Test this yr, it failed & I was forced to change the premise to: "Everything she told me in Maryland was a lie". This makes much more sense to me as fit fits the facts of our relationship much better & answers all the questions you wouldn't. In fact, I think you confused LOVE & LUST (as most people do). I hope you finally got it straight.
LIFE BIO is continued in MILITARY BIO.
Military
Having spent the first 28 1/2 yrs as the son of an officer, I did not, will not ever join the military but I have a great deal of respect for those that did.
LIFE BIO (Cont) - PART 5/5.
So I would wish for you the following: I hope you learned to be honest w/ the men in your life. On the off-chance IÂm wrong, & the 1st premise was correct, then I would wish for you that you finally learn to listen to & follow your heart-of-hearts b/c if that 1st premise was true, it means you have been twice married to the wrong person & your life should have been very mundane & basically unfulfilled b/c, deep down inside, you would have to have been unhappy, aggrevated by living in that Hell-hole (D.C.) - but Leah tells me that as a human, you are entitled to make such mistakes.
Well, I'm finally tired of waiting for you. You have to understand that for me, the last 30 yrs have been as one big LONG day, w/ the passage of time being irrelavent, but I'm ready to end that day, get on w/ my life, & do all those great things you were supposed to inspire me to do - I'll just have to do them by myself! I guess the song, "Music Box Blues", says it best.
I'm told you are married to a computer programmer, so here's a project for both of you to work on together (ASCII):
50 6C 65 61 73 65 20 74 61 68 65 20 67 6F 6F 64 20 63 61 72 65 20 6F 66 20 4B 61 72 6F 6C 2E 49 27 76 65 20 66 6F 75 6E 64 20 73 68 65 27 73 20 69 72 72 65 70 6C 61 63 65 61 62 6C 65 21
Finally, I'm begging you: PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE teach your kids to have more kindness, consideration, & compassion for their sig others than you had for me in the fall of '74!
Perhaps it's for the best as living things don't do well around me - I'm the only person I know who (accidentally) killed a cactus! & besides, I turned out to be probably everything she hates - a beer drinking, cig smoking, swinging single who's probably waaay too kinky for her & who would put her to work (but she would LOVE it)!
EPILOGUE: Please feel free to post this anywhere you think Karol may see it. As of 2005, I believe she is Karol Greenwood Williams living in Clifton, Va. with sons Carter & Jeffrey (ages 16 - twins?), & Matthew (age 6) & apparantly became a Material Girl & married into a wealthy family. Remember, I am not trying to contact her (believe me when I say I could find her quick enough if I wanted to, but I won't b/c I don't trust myself w/ that info) & I do not expect her to contact me, but I would like someone to e-mail me & let me know when she reads this. Besides, for all I know, she could be a hypocritical Bible-thumpin', calorie-countin', Barbie-hatin', rode-hard-&-put-up-wet, vegan tattooed-biker-babe, Biff-&-Buffy-type preppie, velociraptor-cellulitosaurus-type vericosabiatch by now, and I could have dodged a bullet! Indeed, all I want from her right now is for her to put on her best muumuu, ugly herself up real good, and send me a picture so I can get the teenage image of her out of my heart & head.
As for me, I'm going out to the woods to find my center. I don't want anybody to feel bad for me either. While this has been the single most important aspect of my life, there has been a lot over the last 30 yrs that I haven't mentioned & my life has been relatively good (believe me when I say I could be the poster-child for the Peter Pan Syndrome and life has been relatively fun). I still believe in Innocent Love born of Friendship & I still believe in the 2nd. line of the following, but haved lived the 3rd. line for most of my life:
If you love something, set it free.
If it comes back to you, it's yours forever.
If it doesn't, it never was.
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