Ron Rathmann:  

8/5/99 Wednesday, June 02, 1999 Tucson, Arizona, USA Now that we have been up, acting in the world for more than three years it is time to tell our story. Born July 22, 1941 in Mercy Hospital, San Diego, California and already in the fight. We are twins, Ron and I, with one body to be born into. Little chance for both of us to be up at the same time. Not while staying free from commitment to an asylum anyway. Ronald, (Ron) (sometimes Ronnie) became the dominant person in the world. I, Dean, (who¿s name had been given as an afterthought) took a back seat remaining unrecognized except when the full name was required legally. We were members of a family with the surname Rathmann (parents Robert Richard and Pauline Hilda). Mostly loving spiritually guided people, but with a preoccupation for justification of actions. Two sisters, Barbara Kay (two years before us) and Stephanie Rae (two and a quarter years after us) were also members of this family. Thinking back on it, my presence (I came up unannounced at times) must have been a bit confusing to the others. We were mostly quiet acting through instruction and advice given to Ron. It must have been very disconcerting to him. Such was the beginning arrangement of persons. In further discussion I, Dean, will be referred to as we (us, our) and others will be referred to as individuals. This is done for simplicity while giving recognition to all parts of me (us). Previous to all of the above, our fight with God had begun with the indolent agreement to be put in earth. We were unaware of what would be encountered and the spiritual burden we would carry. Being ensconced in a body, discomfort started in womb and was accentuated upon birth by a slap of the ass. The unfamiliar sound of crying was unnerving. So we began the standard deterioration of comfort in human life. At first everything was taken care of without our asking. It was not long before we had to cry to get our needs fulfilled. Soon we had to ask or get things on our own. What a disappointment and it went on and on getting worse all the time. By the time we were four years into this, the liquid found in glasses left after parties had been tested and found to provide a relief from what we had decided was a hostile environment. Along with this was the growing dissatisfaction with being in a physical body. This condition resulted in feeling pain, ridicule, threat, and required outside influences to comfort. Around this time we started to hear the arguments of fear being the proper method to use getting along in the world. We were now on the path believing anything anyone told us. When we found the information conflicting and were rebuffed for saying so, we withdrew and became unwilling to voice our views. Thus began the formulation of a plan for living that would lead to constantly reoccurring defeat. Unconsciously we had begun to make decisions for survival that would prove to be our undoing later in life. I.e. we have been placed in a hostile environment. We need the co-operation of other human beings to protect us. We need to find methods to get others to provide us with food. Our present condition is to last forever. We are victims and need power to survive. Other decisions may have been made, these are offered as examples of the type. We recall the incident at preschool age while sitting our bedroom watching school kids returning home stopping to tease Mike the German shepherd chained in the open yard. Our fear became so intense we decided the kids must be killed. Realizing Ron was too small to accomplish the task we put the idea aside. We insured its completion with a subtle agreement with an unknown force. Experience promoted the argument others were not going to satisfy our demands, we would have to do for our self. Trust of others is a lost cause. Then the stopping in the middle of prayer and telling God we were not going to talk to Him any more. The foundation for Self as supreme was now set. We solidified the opinion we could use fear as criteria to determine our needs and call on any power necessary to fulfill them. More alliances with dark powers were made. Puberty came and as confusion passed the feeling of personal power and the recognition of power in other people developed. We now had to build abilities of control and manipulation to insure position providing us fulfillment of our wants. Thus followed agreements with Principalities. Education bolstered these as we increased our reliance on the God of Reason. Then the wash of the Holy Spirit during the class preparing us to become a member of the Presbyterian Church leaving hearing all that was said about the Scriptures as cackling and babble. We had already formed the opinion that hypocrisy reigned in Sunday school. Now we were right and totally alone. Better not let anyone know what we saw. Through all of this we were safe from outside argument or retaliation as we were acting in the world through Ron without direct participation of our own. The turmoil was internal, occurring whenever Ron¿s and my ideas, plans, dreams, and goals conflicted. Our various reactions to the other entities in here attempting to express themselves added to the fray. Bug, Bugger, Freckles, Four Eyes, Bones, Bonesy, and others played their parts. Even Rhonda trying to be and compete as a sister and Veronica dressing in women¿s clothes participated. Our assumed roles of advisor, protector, and comforter became difficult adding to our annoyance. Our discomfort increased with jealousy of anyone else attempting to provide these services. At seventeen we rediscovered alcohol¿RELIEF! Drunk receiving a scholarship at the high school awards assembly provided positive experience of a way we could smoothly accept undeserved rewards. The summer of ¿59, 18th birthday and transition from boy to man. We were prepared to prove family, society, and the entire world wrong. Unaware that Ron was to continue a path of fulfilling what we considered obligations to family, society and the world we were surprised to see that our desires of freedom and irresponsibility were continually thwarted. We had been wrong on our assumption once through the mandatory education, jobs as paperboy, shoe salesman, and simple home improvement we would be free in self-determination. Nothing left but to just get the job done. It proved to be seemingly without end. Alcohol became increasingly useful, providing lubricant for enduring living and changing from one imposed role to another. Defiance and rebellion became the operative elements of our character. Noted by parents as becoming quite evident around five years old but unnoticed then and now by us. Off to the University to be overwhelmed in one semester. We had found touring the depressed area surrounding the University much more satisfying than campus life. The chosen Mechanical Engineering major had proven restrictive and unrewarding¿done. We had given up surfing for this? Smoking started with Camels filched from dorm roommate. Our demands stifling Ron¿s endeavors were evident, but not to us. Back to San Diego, surfing, busboy job, living in family house. Job as apprentice carpenter filled time until August 1960 when a trip to Oregon ended in an auto accident leaving us hospitalized after concussion and three day coma. A night¿s drunkenness in Balboa Island had begun the trip. The Hospital stay was fun until we decided we were in a mental institution and had to escape. The possibility we would have to kill a nurse on the way seemed ok. The resultant attempt ended with a concerned hospital staff drilling holes in our head to maybe see what was wrong. They found the entire brain surface badly bruised. No wonder we had found a new release, brainpower was smashed. Parents retrieved us and nursed us through a year of physical and two years of mental rehabilitation. No physical exertion or drinking was prescribed. Wouldn¿t you know it? We drank anyway. A year and a half of Junior College led to a Philosophy Major at San Diego State College. One year and we drank our way out of that. Having met Linda Margaret at school, the summer brought visits to her home in Manhattan Beach. She was back at SDSC in the fall and our involvement increased. Before the semester had ended she moved back to M. B. and Ron, with family help, opened a drafting office In Pacific Beach. Kennedy was shot, diatribes were written and we moved to Linda¿s family¿s house. In January elopement to Las Vegas, then living together in Hermosa Beach. A young couple off to make it on our own we found ourselves in San Francisco with Linda pregnant. To our mind this was getting out of hand and we told her so. No one was aware this was we and Ron lived the results. The hope of being free from family influence was smashed with having to borrow money from parents for rent. Don¿t know or care much if it was ever repaid. December 1964 Raul was born. Linda had to be feeling quite alone and isolated. Our disdain, disregard and downright mistreatment of her and Raul were anesthetized with alcohol. The employment with St Charles Kitchens soon collapsed and we were back in parent¿s house in San Diego. We were now three dumping our stuff back on parents. The idea employment would make everything ok had growing importance. Advertised in Construction Newspaper and found work Detailing Reinforcing Steel. Rented an apartment and moved to real independence. Now we would show ¿them ¿ we could do it. Actually we were engrossed in a fight with ¿them¿ we had created. The fight was more difficult now as we decided to be responsible. The actual attitude was that Linda was incapable of doing anything and we were going to have to be leader, director, and prov...Expand for more