Shawn Dean:  

Hello from the consumate loner Shawn Dean! And yes I'm still kind of a loner, but I have a little community that understands my quirks, so I'm not doing too bad. As with all loners (we prefer the term lonesters) I have been hiding for many years. It has been a learning voyage to be sure. But as neglectful as I've been of my childhood friends, I never did forget you, and you have been in my thoughts and prayers often. I left Arroyo High School in 1986 to pursue what my church called "pioneering." My attitude, and that of my church was that since the "end" (Armageddon) was coming so soon, I didn't really need to graduate from High School, so I took the California Proficiency Examination and got a sort of diploma, and began my career in the Jehovah's Witness Ministry while working part time. Many of you actually became my pet disciples "(studies," and "return visits" is how I labeled each of you depending on the amount of interest you showed.) I appreciate those who were nice and patronizing all those years. Such a shame that I saw you all more as potential recruits into "the Organization" than as friends, and I am sorry for that. Keep reading and you will see that I am a man of many regrets, but somehow I think that perhaps there is a reason for them all. Or perhaps, I need to make it mean something for myself and take charge of my reality? Just a thought. As the big 'Four-o approaches I am taking inventory of my first half of life and making changes as the epiphanies come rolling in, small and great. After I completed a few years as a "pioneer" minister, I applied and was accepted to "serve" in the Church compound in New York State, on a factory production line making Watchtower magazines for no pay, room and board only. This type of work is viewed by my former church as the highest priveledge one could attain to. After two years there, my brother Danny joined me. We had many happy times together there, and for the first 5 years or so, I was happy to just work hard labor for "the Lord" and for the "Mother Organization." My last year there however, I began to have doubts about my faith, and felt like my life was going nowhere. My brother Danny, (who was also my best friend) got married and left the compound, but I stayed for a few more months. But without Danny there, I just felt empty and lonely, so I decided to leave also. My parents were very kind and payed for a vacation to Puerto Rico (I had been serving in a Spanish Congregation and learned Spanish pretty well) and later I was a delegate for a Jehovah's Witness Convention in Prague and Paris. So I also got a European Vacation as well. I will always be grateful to my parents for being so generous at that time. I will never really be able to repay them. Hopefully they don't feel it wasted on me since I have left the church. When I returned to El Monte in 1996, I had been in the church compound for 6 years and felt like a stranger in a ghost town. My parents had moved to Georgia, and I was living alone in their big 6 bedroom house on Bannister Av next door to Mathew Sanchez, the same place I grew up in. It was a very, very difficult time. I just couldn't get used to life "on the outside" I had been living in an institutional setting for so long. I tried to pick up where I left off, in the Jehovah's Witness ministry, but all my church friends were gone and married and tended to just ignore me. Many church members were suspicious of me, criticized me, spread rumors about me. Many long time friends treated me very passive agressively and judgmentally. Matt Sanchez was still living next door, but since I was still in the church, I was discouraged from hanging out with him, or anyone not a Jehovah's Witness for that matter, so we would say hello to one another in passing, and talk for short stints, but in general I ignored him as a friend because the church reccommended only being friends with other Jehovah's Witnesses. After 4 years working random jobs I decided to go to college. I first went to PCC, then to Musician's Institute (thanks to a work injury) in Hollywood (some of you may remember that I play the drums). After going to Musician's Institute and getting a Certificate in Recording Engineering, I founded a couple of bands with my brother Danny and started a garage recording studio in my parents garage. I had a number of jobs while I was trying to make my recording and music ...Expand for more