Carla Pacheco:  

My Life. Hello everyone. A lot has happened over the years as I am sure all of you can relate. Let me catch you up. I have been married twice. My first husband is a South Korean from Seoul. Both of my parents adored him, my mom thought he was the most handsome man she had seen in a long time. He was my first true love. He treated me so good and he was so proud of being seen with me. I had never felt that much love from or for a person ever before in my life. Unfortunately, I had no idea at the time how little backbone he had when it came to his ex-wife, their 2 children (who were 14 and 16 years old at the time), and his sister, so he followed their advice and abandoned me after 3 weeks of marriage. Our divorce was finalized on our first wedding anniversary (one year after my dad passed away. Sung Bae (his name), didn't even stand up to the powers be, (those of which he had the little backbone for) and be there for me at visitation or burial of my father. I needed him then, but, well, you know. When we did see each other the day of our final court hearing, our attorneys walked out of the courtroom and demanded each of us stand beside each of our attorneys. My attorney was livid, "do you want this divorce?" Yes, I said." Then you stay away from Sung Bae." If that judge had walked out ahead of us and caught you two sitting their side by side, looking deep into each other's eyes and smiling ear to ear, she would have thrown your divorce out. You two look like a happily married couple. We could have been if he had remembered his backbone and brought it with him. My 2nd husband is Mexican. He was wonderful when we were dating. He showed so many traits of my dad. I was so happy with him. Then we got married 15 years ago. I began seeing the true him, the day we married. He is very abusive. In the beginning, he was not only mentally and emotionally abusive but he was physically abusive as well. ( I have been dealing with severe pain for 20 years due to Osteo and Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromyalgia, severe degenerative disc disease throughout, carpal tunnel, and nerve damage in my back. I have a hard time standing up, sitting down from standing, and walking. I have to use a walker when I walk. When I go to a big store I have to use the store's electric cart. If I stand for a couple of minutes my knees will stiffen and they will have to pop before I can walk again. No joke. Wish it were.) He knew all about my disabilities when we met. I never hid anything from him. So the first 3 years of our marriage he would push me down and stand there and laugh at me while he watched me struggle to stand up. Then one day he was pushing me down in front of his daughter, she was crying and trying to make him stop. My pain was 10x more than it normally was (which is 10 on the pain chart of 1-10 with 10 being the worst pain ever. My lowest pain ever has been a 7.), I got back up worked my way into the kitchen, he followed me, and I pulled out a knife on him placing it at his jugular.. He backed off and has yet to hit me again. Although he is still mentally and emotionally abusive. He did succeed in getting rid of everything I owned, including my $1000.00 bedroom suite, which I worked hard to pay off by myself 4 years prior. I didn't realize how much he had gotten rid of, until one day I was in a deep depression and realized that he also slowly drove away my family and all of my friends. It's still like that. I have no friends and my siblings have nothing to do with me. I am financially in a bad place because I have to keep taking out loans to cover the debts I have to pay. He has his own business of which I not only helped him start it but I worked out in the "field" with him too. I talked to the customers for him, because even though Juan (my asshole husband), has been here in the USA for 23 years, he still cannot speak English well, read it, or otherwise. He can speak some English but not very much and not well. I helped him prune bushes, flowers, dig up and replace flowers, mow, and blow porches, driveways, our work areas. Also, I had to pull all weeds by hand, bending over or sitting on my knees, despite the pain. The business is landscape and lawn care. Juan knows his job, he does a great job and it's well worth the money he charges. My doctor refused to let me help him, so I haven't worked with him in the past 11 years. Yes, I know your question, "then why don't you leave?" I wish it were that simple. My parents left me their mobile home when they died and that is where we are living. I cannot afford to pay my debts, plus the bills he pays, lot, water, truck payment, insurance on the truck, and maintenance on the truck. I also have 4 cats, 2 dogs, 6 parakeets, 2 Diamond Doves, and 3 Box turtles (that his daughter was supposed to come back and get). Rent is so expensive everywhere, but also no one would rent to me with all my babies. So I'm stuck here for a little while longer. I can't work so my income is social security, not SSI, but straight social security, due to one of my health issues and a small pension from Kroger"s Union. There is no drama here. I know how to keep things quiet with him so I do that. I hate arguing and fighting. He passes his remarks to me every day, and some days he vomits all his hatred on me when he thinks someone did him wrong. I just agree with him and he eventually goes to his room, which leaves me the living room and my bedroom. I have been celibate for 9 years now. I love it this way. my cats love it too, cause they get to sleep with mom. Did you guys know that school was my sanctuary? I loved school. As many of you know I was mentally, physically, and emotionally abused by my mom (praise God that changed one day in my 30's my mom rededicated her life to Christ, we talked about the past and I brought up things she wasn't aware she had said to or done to me. My dad had to back me up., We cried, she apologized and I forgave her. We became the best of friends after that. She had good intentions but she was raised by her mother who was also very abusive to my mom, plus my grandmother was a practicing witch back then, and not realizing it, my mom picked some of the witchcraft from her mom. So I have broken that cycle. (I also broke the abuse cycle when I was raising Juan's daughter. That's a whole nother chapter). School was the only place I could be and feel at home. I truly loved it and I have the greatest memories from it. School was also where I got to hang with my friends. It's also where I had my many love affairs. 3rd grade was where I met my soul mate Jack Longmire. We would become best friends throughout school, work together after graduation and finally, Jack asked me to marry him. I wanted to, but we were 18 and I felt we needed to wait for another 2, 3, or maybe 4 years, so we could grow up a little more. Well, it just never happened again, not even after meeting up again on Facebook. After meeting up on Facebook for a couple of years, I lost my soul mate forever. My heart has never been the same. 4th grade gave me my first ever phone call from a boy, Mark Woody. I loved that redhead with brown eyes. What a doll he was. 5th grade was all for Rome Lawson. 6th grade was Bill Whitley and Billy Morgan. 7th grade was Karen Smith. What do you mean I can't be serious? Oh, you didn't know Karen was gay? " Well, yes, that too," you say. You didn't know I'm bisexual? How did you not know? Well, I guess that's not a fair question, other than Karen and 1 other girl from school that I think was only curious, so I won't out her, all the other females were in my adulthood. Now, as far as the rest of school went there wasn't anyone special until high school, and yes, you all know who that one was. For 2 years, meeting each other when I first joined J.R.O.T.C. it was Eugene (Gene) Phillips. I know, I know. One of us really hit the jackpot, and it wasn't me. lol. I finally came to my senses after 2 years with Gene *(the Marine) and landed in the arms of my knight and shining armor, John Sharp (A.K.A. John Carr). Yes, I was hoping Carla Sharp and I would become sisters-in-law. It was looking hopeful, then John had to go to college and he didn't want to leave me tied down in a long-distance relationship because I had school dances ahead of me and other activities and he didn't want me to miss out on any of it. This ...Expand for more