Daniel Reed:  

Life The process of becoming, still is ... (always was, and continues to be, the eternal conscious moment known as now) -XN { I may add more later - tune in regularly! I'm trying to have some cheerful stuff, and avoid the depressing details - hence, the limited content (Yikes! What does that imply?) ;=} } School [BEGIN – this brief profile entry which grew to a spontaneous compulsive essay ... ] [CONTINUED IN - in College Bio...] [BEGUN - School Bio...] Quite sincerely, the Horn Lake High School was the best time of my life - so far. And only Horn Lake. Nothing before, or since. Why? Because of the people (colloquial "peeps"). Because that's where and when I FINALLY lived some place long enough, with the right kind of people, to find a sense of connection and belonging with my fellow human beings. Until Horn Lake, I doubted I would ever fit in and belong with people; I felt that I would never be a worthwhile person in the eyes of others, merely a pariah & outcast of the biblical Cain degree; that I would never know someone long enough, to allow others to get past their normal negative and aversive 1st impressions, and to see my real character & nature; and I had already gone past that most precious motivational commodity for continued life - HOPE, my friends. Hope is a destination that should never be reached, it should be and endless journey and companion. Those of you who knew me (and whew! what a character - never boring, when I felt comfortable with certain people, to come out of my shell and express the incredible ideas, imaginings, and being that I had always been inside & lived with alone) helped give me my 1st taste of dignity, belonging, and validity within the social world. I did not want to fit in socially, for its own sake; I just wanted real connection with the right people for me. You have no idea of how much you helped me, as a human being; because of the EXTREME depths and sensitivities that exist in the extraordinary kind of person that I am (cursed with it! can't help but be different = myself, to really be healthy (try to be normal = unhealthy, for me; and I tried too long too many times to be normal and not myself, my friends. If I could have been ordinary, it would have been a lot easier.)). Those depths mean that: however you normally think of, interpret, and react to what may seem to be everyday trivial human contact; mulitply that by about a factor of 100, to get an idea of the effect you had on me! The word MEANINGFUL takes on a whole new level, with a person like me. For those of you who were close to me (you know who you are): !!THANK YOU!! I found out that human beings could be the way I thought they should be. Though I am not so in a religious sense, you helped restore my “spiritual” faith in humanity. You were my special conspirators in warmth and openness. I wish ... not that is the bad word, which has at its roots problematic thinking and produces a suffering state of mind for things that cannot come to pass, again. So I will take out a moment of pain to say I wish I had not lost contact with you, the dear cherished ones. Ouch - bittersweet reminiscing, but I prefer the sting of regret of unrequited actions, since they are intrinsically bound with the gloriously pleasant, beautiful, delightful, and HEARTENING memories of you all, which I will always cherish. It was always hard for me to accept that anyone really could like me, virtually no matter how much you showed that you did. I never quite got the idea of what I had in my relationships with many of you, since I could not allow myself to believe, that I had finally come to a place of acceptance – when I think of you and those times now, the idea and powerful emotion is evoked: HOME. This sense of home does not have to do with the location, but is entirely dependant on the people. However, I will always remember the location as the special nexus where all of these “happy coincidences” took place. So many good, friendly people; so many good memories; even the bad memories are good, since the experience was shared with the right, special people. [CONTINUED IN - College Bio ... ] College [CONTINUE - this brief profile entry which grew to a spontaneous essay ... ] [CONTINUED FROM – from School Bio ... ] [CONTINUED IN - Work Bio ... ][BEGUN - in School Bio ... ] I have not found the same meaningful connection since. I lost contact with so many of you. I told myself, when the communicating faded (the cause was by me in same cases and by others in other cases), that I must move on, that I should let it go. I regret that now; no matter how wise, mature, and beneficial an attitude it sounds. I could let it go because I thought I was doing the best thing, following the preferred apparent choices of my friends, who were slowly drifting apart into divergent paths of evolving lives. But now that I grasp my humanity & worth beyond my capabilities during that past time at Horn Lake, I realize how much we grew together. Sure, mainly in simplistic, carefree ways, which was a cornerstone of life as a teenager. But we got used to each other, even integrated. I feel now that my leaving was a severe loss not only to myself (at the time), but now accept the idea that others liked me & needed me enough, that the loss was mutual on some level. I feel that I left a hole in many of your lives; and there is a price to pay for the privilege of being in the lives of others, that you become bound to honor the needs of the others who have chosen to open & become dependant on you, in a trust of mutual need and sharing; that you help define who they are and the quality of their lives. I read through many of the letters, poems, and memorabilia that you sent & I saved (after all these years, had them in storage, & broke them out), and I see what I meant to you; how deeply to some. And how after I left, I can see a void I should have fulfilled. We grew connected, after all, and became that new revolutionary experience for me: COMMUNITY. And I have to look back and say: I APOLOGIZE. I should have been there to contribute what I had to give (and loving every minute of it!), and have you all complement me, too. Together we could have done great things, pooling ourselves to one blended group; and provided great abilities, and great times, that none of us could have accomplished on our own. I understand now what I meant to many of you (I had no clue then, I just tried my best, though completely insecure as...Expand for more