Jennifer Snyder:  

Who are we What makes us who we are; let us look at the make up of the human forms. Chromosomes and testosterone hormones does not make a complete male, while chromosomes and estrogen hormones does not make up a complete female. A chromosome only defines the outer form, or so to say physical gender. The female outer form has two X-chromosomes, with estrogen hormones, while the male form has X, Y-chromosomes. Just so you know the X chromosomes comes from the mother, and the Y chromosomes can only come from the father who also produces the x chromosomes to make the xx chromosome in the female form. There are different chromosomes make ups but any variants causes problems, like XXY chromosomes produces klinefelders syndrome where a child is born sterile, this happens one in every 500 births, other set ups gives us the down syndrome, mental retardation, and so on (chromosomes play other very important functions as well). Hormones help develop, and maintain, and define the body and its function of outer gender, it does not make a male, or female in brain gender, this is done in the brain in the BSTc. There is a difference in physical gender and brain gender; I have read that in studies the brain from a few weeks after conception up to three years of age the brain develops gender in three different dimensions. This gender wiring sets inner personal characteristics of feminine or masculine; this is different from what is known as brain sex between male and female. This brain sex is a hard wire pattern and how we relate to others, how we perceive sex, relationships, and goals, along male, and female sets. Physical females have female brain sex while a physical male has male brain sex. Keep in mind that physical gender does not always match brain gender, in transgenders the brain sex, and brain gender is reversed, transgenders that have appearance of physical male has female brain sex, female brain gender, while in female to male transgender is physical female, with male brain sex, male brain gender. This leads us to what is called gender identity, this is our subjective gender, which is known as our sexual self map of how we feel of ourselves, whether it be male or female. All this lies in the brain, studies show biological etiology of transsexuality the central subdivision of the bed nucleus of the stria terminalis (BSTc) this is the brain area essential for sexual behavior. Transgenders the BSTc is more the size of it in the female brain than male, the BSTc is 2.5 times larger in males than the female, and transgender brain, I have read in studies preformed that this part of the brain, while the brain is forming is influenced by sex hormones. For male to female transgenders had at the time of brain development more estrogen than testosterone, this means in transgenders, the self-map does not match the physical gender; as we seen there is deferent¿s between sex hormones and chromosomes. So one tries to make the outer form and innerself match, this is know as gender expression, or gender identity. Its like having a can with the label corn on it but within there are sweet peas, so you can not change what lies within, so the label needs to be change to set it right. This shows physical form alone does not determine gender, but more so who lies within. I am ask quite often, how do you know you are female? I can only say this is a hunger within to be, the longer you go the hungrier you get. We can dress, express the one within, and I am talking even of a child of 5, 6 or 7 years of age, even if it is only for a few minutes, that is about like having a small snack, that kind of holds you over for a few minutes, the same thing with dolls and other female traits. It¿s not long however before the hunger, the gnawing in your stomach returns, the longer you go without feeding yourself the hungrier, more to say the stronger the desire to be. You get to a point that your stomach hurts you will almost sacrifice anything to fill this need that is constantly growing in you. To a point, you start taking riskier chances when you do dress that you might get caught, but you do not care for you must feed the hunger that burns deep within. Transgender people born with female brain gender, due to social guidance, and pressure tend to forsake, their brain gender, and develop a makeshift male brain type of response to this, so we can fit in, like taking a side road that travels along side a highway, and do the best we can. So we tend to mimic what we see, and try to perfect the male persona, like join the military, and other guy things, leaving our female natural self-unexpressed, and underdeveloped. Even though we cage the female persona within us, we can not keep it caged within and from time to time we must let her out, this is the cross-dressing, but to many of us we can only cage her for so long before she refuses to go back in the dark lonely dungeon. When we go full time, we are willing to chance sacrificing everything that we are in a social standpoint. Soon as we make our change we are flooded with agony of the heart, divorce, our blood family disowns us, and friends turn their backs, and walk away, we stand a chance of forfeiting our home, our job, and in return receive social rejection from all, and we know our life will never be the same again. Now this does not mean it does not hurt, that it does not drive us to the floor, or to the point of self-destruction. Even too many that does not follow this over whelming desire to be, they wind up with the same mental pressure within, though they keep their social status, the inner turmoil eats us alive within, to the point of self-destruction. So yes whether we stay as the social puppet to please every one around us as we fight to depress this hunger within, or we sacrifice everything else to be who we really are the grips of depression, anxiety will be there, for many of us to the point of death. Here I must add that transgenders with a physical male form, has female brain sex, yet we lack the hard wire for sexual orientation. While some of us transgender women retain a lesbian orientation, the majority, in spite of our behaviors of our feeling, and our expectation before our transition, our needs and desires start to change, and I find this even so true in me and growing every day, is it the influx of estrogen. Even though I do not trust men, and normally find most repulsive to me through this lack of trust, I do feel an attraction to males developing more and more. However I must say this, my lack of trust has came a long way in the past year, and I feel I owe this to many of the men, and even the women I work with. Though it was a little, slow for this girl and even some of them, my acceptance of them with trust, and their acceptance of me, for whom I am. I can say even though some, extended a hand early on, yes it scared the hell out of me because it was so different from what I was use to, in the past most had alternative motives either for sexual motives or to hide their underhanded deeds. Yet, where I am working at now for the very first few showed friendship, I did see trust, and a honest extension friendship. I want to say their names but I cannot, but I can say they know who they are, and I want to say thank you, I love ya to much! With out you I do not think I could have made it. Now I have had a very sexual, and romantic relationship with a man a few years back, however he was a very good man with a heart so true, to me he was so much more than the run of the mill guy. I still could not see me with any other in a relationship, yet the farther I go I am starting to find this desire increasing within me, but I do find my self, being very selective. First, I believe I must have a early attraction of him, I must not only find him very appealing, but feel I would half to trust him early. If I look in his eyes and trust is slow in coming, I doubt if total trust will ever be there, and I do not think I will ever trust guys in general. One reason is if trust does not come early on, he will never get in my circle of trust, but this may change as well, now in truth I do have this attraction for the beef cake male¿.ok, ok a man with muscles. One thing the man I was with before, I trusted him from the first time I met him, but I am finding him starting to never leave my mind, and I find this desire to have what I had before, and for me, there is no turning back to this relationship, he is now just a pleasant memory. Therefore with this said, I feel that the brain sex, and brain gender is starting to get back on track and get off of that side road and back on the highway where I started out on before I was forced to take the detour. Even though I still have this over whelming desire to be with a biological female, and I doubt if this will end but I may just have a new attraction. I heard this from a few other transgender girls that started out with lesbian orientation, they started getting this sam...Expand for more