Joe Gardner:
CLASS OF 1982
Alta Loma High SchoolClass of 1982
Rancho cucamonga, CA
East Syracuse-Minoa Central High SchoolClass of 1982
East syracuse, NY
Garden Grove High SchoolClass of 1982
Garden grove, CA
Pine Grove Junior High SchoolClass of 1978
East syracuse, NY
Pine Grove Junior High SchoolClass of 1977
East syracuse, NY
Joe's Story
Life
hello fiends,
my pics were taken about 14 years ago, before i lost my teeth and had my ear cut off from a chainsaw accident, never, ever, stand on the branch your cutting when your in a tree trimming branches, so needless to say, when i went to grab my ear as it dangled from the sliver of flesh that was still attached to my face i lost my grip on the branch and proceeded to crash through the tree breaking my back and paralyzing me temporarily, hence my 100 pound weight gain. i figured that isnt to bad that's less than 10 pounds a year so i figured if oprah, which i watch daily along with the soaps and doctor phil, (while im sitting on the couch eatin pizza and potato chips) can lose 60 pounds in a month or whatever, if i find some girl worthwhile and likes me for what i am and not some obese monster that i look like i would go on a diet. first thing i would do is move the refrigerator back in the kitchen so i would have to get off my bed sores (did i mention the bald spot on the back of my head where the pillow rubs against it) to get to the fridge when i wanted another beer, then possibly think about opening up the doors and get some fresh air in this place. the only time i open the doors is to get my disability and welfare checks. then i run down to the bank in my pinto, sometimes i have to air the tires up so it takes me a while, those bicycle pumps dont do such a great job, if i am lucky the bungee cord that holds the door shut isnt cracked and broken that way i can afford more jack daniels so i dont have to drink so much beer. anyway, some day, i'll replace the windshield ( i had to remove it and the roof of the car when the branch and yours truly fell from the tree) but i get good gas mileage in it so i think i will keep it around for a while. i just spent about 23 dollars on a new paint job, who would have thought it would take so many cans of krylon to paint a little car like that. i think it looks pretty darn good its kinda euro looking i painted the chrome to match the car and if it wasn't for the bugs splattering on the bumper much of the chrome would still be painted. since unemployemnet ran out 6 years ago im just hoping my mom will loan me some money to put a roof on it soon, i dont know if i told you i moved from california and the winters are a little harsh out here and 6 years with no roof on a car sure is cold(and wet). well enough of that i hate bragging im sure you dont want to hear to much more of my conceit and fortune. we have an update folks, finally after playing the lotto for 26 years i finally got the big one, i hit 5 numbers out of the six, thought i was going to be able to get out of this little shack and move up with the jones' and get that huge double wide park model they got fer sale here. its even got a roof! but as my luck would have 47 million other people hit 5 numbers and i ended up with 27 bucks. by the time i bought gas for the moped, did i mention i had to sell the pinto? gas is soooo expensive nowadays, its so much easier to push two flat tires than 4 when i run out. anyway, it cost 4 bucks to fill the moped and 18 for the case of beer, so i was able to at least buy a roll of duct tape to fix the tires.
my kids? well the 3 that i know of are 5,15, and 16, a girl a boy and a transgender, they're so great, not to sure they look anything like me but they have a resemblance to some of my friends, maybe some day they will call me dad instead of joe. update: maybe they will call period.
well i would love to chat some more but the mail man just dropped off my disability check and i really need to buy some more cheap wine for my hot date tonite, my friends tell me she is somewhat a fashion model, or maybe i mis-understood, anyway her son is a famous tv comercial star, i have yet to see him but they say my girlfriend looks like the michelin mans mom. i believe that is a compliment... update: thought it was a commercial, he was in a tv show, must be pretty popular. everybody cant wait to see him, i think it was called america's most wanted!! how famous is that? i guess all that fame and fortune was too much for me, the michelin mom left me for the neighbor. she must be pretty popular i have seen her at most of the trailers around here during the last few months. my friends told me she got around but i thought they was talking about her belly.
well i need to get going, the library is about to close and they are getting mad at me for using their computers, something about the way i am dressed i suppose, hell my friends told me i dont need to get dressed up or anything for the library just come as you are... i think they are just jealous of my bright orange jumpsuit with the numbers on the back. it's a little big for me but i can slide the bottle of thunderbird and no one really can tell, hell whos g...Expand for more
oing to ask a guy in an orange suit if it is a bottle or am i just happy to see them? i know i know your thinking what happened to the bottle of jack? weeellll since the election things have taken a turn for the worse in the job market, it seems the government got some additional money for police enforcement so now they have a cop on every corner it seems, or at least every ally where i bum money at, so the proceedds have gone done and i am down to thunderbird. that and people that used to loan me money are out of jobs now...sometimes i just wish my mom would let me move back in with her, the wheels are starting to rot on my house and i think the landlord is getting ready to evict me on back park rental. hes a fool, nobody is going to pay 35 dollars a month to live in this rat hole of a trailer park, heck i dont. every time a storm comes by for some reason it turns into a tornado right here. weve been hit 14 times in the last 15 tornadoes. everytime one hits i have to go get my moped off the neighbors refrigerator. he's pretty athletic, his fridge is outside, and he must be pretty rich cuz he seems to get a new car every month or so and just parks his old ones wherever, some are in his lawn, some down the road, i even almost hit one he parked on the side of the road, (it was raining really hard and it was hard to see on the moped because the front fender fell off and the rain shoots off the tires into my face.) well, i got to get going, i know your probably working and dont have to much time to read all this stuff, i know you must be getting jealous and i hate bragging like i do. anyway days of our lives is coming on and i didn't get to see it the other day because the soup line was so long for lunch i missed it. i got one of those new fancy tv's now,(somebody left it behind a store near here) you know the ones that come in color. it was really hard to get home it has a big screen, it used to be 19" wide till it fell off the fender now its only 17 3/4. to bad the side it fell on is the speaker side so i have to turn on the one tv for volume and the other for color. now i know what surround sound is, i really like to watch the soaps now.
update 2022.
i guess we got a new president now, i finally got a job cleaning dirty toilets at the bars and restaurants ,, boy i tell you the food must be bad at some of these places... maybe its that irate some fancy word for taking a poop system i think its called. but thankfully i lost it, i dont know if i spent more time cleaning or puking. something to do with getting shot. i didnt want to get shot so i refused. who the heck wants to get shot? apparently there is quite a few because they were lined up like the welfare office. gas has almost tripled went from 1.35 to 4.35. and with the price of spam going from 50 cents a can to 1.49 i can only afford to eat one can worth in three days. the weight problem ladies, that is over, i lost 200 pounds, lets see if oprah can do that. took me about a year and half i weigh 125 now, mostly flab i mean loose muscle, i went to that beach where the people work out in the sun but man oh man, i must have looked like a girl or something maybe they new i was unemployed or something kept asking me if i wanted a job. never heard of the company blow. not really sure what they were asking, every time i said sure they wanted me to go in a bathroom. i told them i was fine and i would wait till they were done. anyway ladies, check it out, that bald spot has started filling in and the bed sores are almost gone or they just moved to my feet. my hair is a real nice blonde, kinda whiteish . was going to get a haircut but that's like 10 tanks of gas in my moped. well now its like two tanks, anyway, most of those haircutting places were closed for a year, i can see why with all the money they take cutting hair. nice to take a vacation for a year or so.
anyway you lovely's you can usually find me in LA if you want to "hook up" i think its called., i know place where we can get some great food. just have to wait for the busboy to bring it to us. that guy is so nice, he brings it out in a nice big bag so when you dont want to eat anymore you can just close the bag up and put it in the sun to keep it warm.
oh darn here comes that lady she wants me to leave saying something about the holes in my apparel and smell? not sure what she talking about i dont smell anything. i guess the twins fell out and was lying on the floor. maybe i can patch the hole with some duct tape . getting old sucks it use to be the old pen is that fell on the floor, now its the twins, i guess gravity has an effect its like they switched places one got longer the other one shorter. well i got to get going , how in the h e double hockey sticks did she get a hold of somebody just dialing 3 numbers.
peace
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