John Ulrich:
CLASS OF 1980
Glenbard South High SchoolClass of 1980
Glen ellyn, IL
John's Story
I quit drinking/drugging/smoking for good in 1986. I had struggled trying to do it alone in 1985. When I got help from a 12 step organization I snapped right out of it.
I had already quit my night job, got a day job (the next morning), started swimming a mile before work, and running 3 days a week. I then added attending regular meetings and hardcore Powerlifting.
I cleaned up, repaired or replaced everything that had fallen into disrepair. I swore never to work nights again.
My new boss gave me 3 large raises and a promotion in rapid succession telling me: "We want to make sure you don't leave".
Most importantly I attempted to reunite with my newly-ex 7-year Sweetheart who had given up on me.
She had good reasons. My drinking and drugging had rapidly, although briefly, completely taken over my life, pushing her aside.
Jobs were scarce in 1983 and I took what I could find. I worked nights and weekends, long hours, often 6 days a week, I drank more and more after work and often slept until work the next day. I fell into a terribly self destructive pattern that was truly awful for her.
In 1985 when my beautiful Sweetheart was turning 21 she started seeing other guys behind my back again. Then over the phone she asked me to "open up our relationship".
I was horrified! I flatly refused. I told her I did not want her being with any other guys and that I did not want to be with any other girls.
I had good reasons. Early on, younger and stupider, away at college for the first time, I had caused my then loyal Sweetheart terrible emotional pain and damage by indulging in some drunken frat party temptations. I fessed up to it.
I then endured the well deserved (but quite severe) payback in kind that followed, which required medical attention to be resolved.
The Doctor who treated both of us noted the obvious progression and informed me of what my Sweetheart had been doing. She warned me that there are much worse things circulating out there.
I understood clearly that my initial cheating had been the root cause of the retaliatory disaster that followed. I saw the result of the emotional damage that I had caused.
We stayed together through it and seemed to draw closer. I thought that we were done with cheating forever. I had truly learned my lesson. I never cheated again, ever, on anyone.
When my Sweetheart chose being with other guys over staying together with me it broke my heart. The love of my life, young sweet and beautiful, was out riding the carousel.
Getting sober was like waking up from a nightmare and finding that the nightmare was true. My heart was shattered.
I drove head-on into a pole totaling the car and putting my head through the windshield. The police found me and got me to the ER. The doctors sewed me together and gave me back to the police. They didn't cuff me or put me in jail. They treated me kindly.
I actually made it to work on time the next morning but my boss sent me home early after the lunch rush seeing the condition I was in. Then came the courts and probation.
My probation officer, a lovely young lady, referred me to the 12 step organization that saved my life, and where in 1986 I finally got and stayed Clean & Sober.
Without a driver's license I was unable to properly re-court my Sweetheart and she slipped further and further away.
Now clear in mind and body I treasured the moments that we spent together. I assured her that I still love her (truly with all my heart), that I miss her terribly (also true) and that I wanted us to get back together (more than life itself).
I savored her very essence as never before, and then I watched in abject horror as we parted realizing that now I was just another guy on the carousel. It was devastating, and sporadically recurring. It tore my heart out.
I hoped that Clean & Sober, working day shift, and getting into the best shape ever, that she would want me again. But she continued on being with other guys. Guys who took her out partying, and did the driving.
There is no place in my life for cheating, monkey branching, two-timing, dating rosters, stringing along, or game playing. I have experienced the results. I don't do it, and I refuse to participate in it.
Powerful Romantic Pair Bonding, deeply engrained from a very young age throughout our formative years, does not go away. It changes us permanently.
For 7 years, head over heels in love we couldn't get enough of each other. A whirlwind romance that was absolutely wonderful.
When a Pair Bond is broken the heartache and feelings of emptiness persist and recur. There is no reset button. It's a once in a lifetime experience.
Having had only one girlfriend in my entire life, from an early age, and being of the late maturing type, I was genuinely shocked by what happened next.
I was doing everything I could possibly do to repair my life and improve myself hoping to rekindle our previously epic romance.
As an early-mid twenties, alcohol free, drug free, non-smoking, extremely healthy, dayshift working, gourmet cooking, smart, mechanically inclined, highly adventurous, 6'4" 200 lb athlete, 7L6G TDH evil genius sigma bad boy (so I am told), I was becoming what young beautiful girls were looking for.
While my Sweetheart was hitting the bars trying out new guys, other girls began taking notice of me. How ironic is that!
Increasingly, beautiful girls rained in from every direction. As I grew bigger, stronger and healthier I met them everywhere I went: out running, at the grocery store, the gym, pool, meetings, restaurants, parties, at work, through friends, walking down the street, everywhere.
I began hearing things like: "How tall are you?" "Where do you live?" "Do you have a girlfriend?" "How are you single?" "Not anymore you're not" "Here's my number, call me" "YES" "What are you doing Saturday?" "What are you doing tonight?" "Get your skinny ass over here" "I'll wear it for you if you like" "Where do you work out?" "Can I come with you?" "Can I bring my friends?" "Come back here when you're done running" "I have a daughter about your age, you should meet her" "Would you like a ride home?" "Bring clothes I'll drop you off at work in the morning" "I'd like you to meet my parents". I even got asked to the D.G. North Prom by a lovely young lady who came to the Powerlifting gym with her friends "to work out".
Parents love me, all cleaned up and behaving properly (or close enough). Moms like a guy who knows his way around a kitchen without getting in the way. They like smart healthy 6'4" TDH athletes, and they "have a thing" for planning weddings. Dads like having another guy around who is dependable and is good to "do guy stuff" with.
Think about it? Do you want your daughter partying in bars with guys who smoke, drink, use drugs, and pass STDs around?, or out with a friendly intelligent athlete who is sober as a judge 24/7/365 and enjoys hanging out with you and the family? A pattern emerged. Things tended to move quickly, often too quickly.
I couldn't drive, but I had a nice little sportscar that I had bought after the accident (fully legal and insured). I walked, ran, rode a bicycle (all year round) or got rides where I needed to go. Some girls know how to drive stick shift and having a car always available came in very handy.
My Dad bought a second house in Kentucky in 1988 planning to retire. He was a Nuclear Physicist from the Manhattan Project of WWII and kept being called in and out of retirement by The Atomic Energy Commission as needed.
It was a very large home that had been standing empty for many years and had fallen into terrible disrepair. I went to Kentucky and restored it to beautiful condition. We kept both houses for nearly a decade.
My older sister and I lived there, while our parents were still in Glen Ellyn. She and her first husband saved up to buy their first home. I worked as a cook for a year to qualify for in-state tuition.
My sister was proud of me, and amused, baffled, and somewhat annoyed. She kept saying: "This? is my "Little"? brother" She couldn't believe what she was seeing.
I had grown and developed into a 6'4" 235 lb giant. I ran regularly and set up a full powerlifting gym in the basement.
It took exactly 3 days for the Kentucky girls to find me. Sweet little things with adorable southern accents. It was on, right from the start. They came to see me at all hours of the day and night, even asking my sister to be let in while I was asleep.
Some were my sister's age and older, others 10 years younger. Even with separate living areas I got noise complaints. I only dated one girl at a time, no two-timing.
Lexington is a college town with college girls heavily outnumbering guys. I had a great big house near campus with no adult supervision. My dad (also a Frat guy) wanted me back in college and knew just how to make it happen.
The young beautiful girls (of both states) had stepped in on my behalf. They gave me comfort and the encouragement that I sorely needed.
Like angels, they came to my rescue in my time of profound sadness and heartache. With nurturing kindness they reached me as only they could. Their affection and encouragement brought out the strength in me.
They helped me through the most difficult time of my life and I appreciate them greatly.
I remained cautious, and naively hopeful, as I found myself quite firmly on the other side of the coin.
Being in recovery was "in style" in the 1980s due much to pop cultural Icons. It was Rockin! There were massive wild parties with hundreds (and even thousands) of people throughout the Chicago area and beyond. It was the same on college campuses, with large recovery communities and meetings right on campus.
When I went back to college in 1989 I "had some splainin to do". UK gave me a second chance, "Go Wildcats!" I spent the first y...Expand for more
ear there taking remedial courses and requirements. I had to get my brain back up and running properly and fill in the foundational skills that I had never learned.
After that I earned a full Mechanical Engineering Degree w/Honors, and a Minor in Mathematics. I knocked it out of the park. Then I was off to Purdue for Graduate School, "Go Boilermakers!". Who'd a thunk it? I became a respectable member of society (allegedly). I am naturally wild and I enjoy living on the edge, but I did grow up (sort of).
During my second year back at college my driving privileges were restored. It took a lot longer because I was "out of state" and a full time student (getting straight "A"s and making Deans List every semester).
My Dad was so happy that he gave me his Olds Cutlass. He tossed me his keys and said "Here, take my car" (and got himself a new one). I smoked up the tires and laid down some nice rubber pulling out of the DMV with a freshly minted fully legit DL in my pocket.
I completely rebuilt my 280ZX from the ground up, and turned the Cutlass into a hot rod muscle car. I got a nice off-campus top floor apartment with a deck, cathedral ceilings, a fireplace and a pool right outside.
Fully mobile, I returned home and found that my ex Sweetheart was getting married in one week. The news was devastating. My last flicker of hope went out. Painfully I accepted the fact that she had found her new happiness and left her to enjoy her marital bliss without any interference.
My Engineering studies took up the vast majority of my time and kept me extremely busy. During summers and school breaks I cultivated a life of highly intense adventuring. I took up/continued Cross country running, Long distance swimming, Weight lifting, Spelunking, Rappelling, Rock climbing, Cave Camping, Cliff diving, Canoeing, Hiking, Camping, Shooting sports, Water skiing, Snow skiing, Ice skating, Dirt bike riding, Flying radio controlled aircraft, Traveling, pretty much everything that produces good natural Clean & Sober adrenaline rushes.
Girls are by far the most enjoyable adventuring partners, although most (but not all) do tend to shy away from the excessively dirty and dangerous stuff.
The Appalachian Mountains, Daniel Boone National Forest, Red River Gorge, Mammoth Cave area, The Kentucky River Gorge, and various National Parks and Lodges became my favorite playgrounds.
After 9 years of college, full time, (12 if you count the original 3) I started a small company and rehabbed houses.
I have always liked working with my hands more than working with my brain. I hate only working at a desk, and I really hate wearing a suit (50 X-Tall Athletic Cut w/11" taken out of the waist). I like to wear normal clothes and get dirty.
I returned to my building and gearheading activities with a Mechanical Engineer's perspective. I became serious with my motorcycling and became active in the Chicago Biker Community.
I dated a few dozen girls (baker's dozens) over the decades. One at a time, no other guys allowed (and vice versa), short and long time frames, no overlapping, no game playing.
When I'm dating a girl she has my full attention and I expect the same in return.
I have also "gone monk mode" at times, avoiding all girls, either when my Engineering and Math classes had reached very high levels of intensity, or when I didn't like the way I had been treated and needed time to get over it. I found that the more I avoid girls the more they refuse to avoid me.
If a girl wants to date somebody else while she's dating me she's done. She has not found what she's looking for, obviously, and possibly never will. Her ongoing activities make her a public health hazard.
Two healthy people, with no one else in the mix, remain healthy, period. It's common sense.
Many young beautiful girls are simultaneously dating the exact same "lucky few" guys, who they typically meet drinking in bars (online now days). Statistically it's a recipe for disaster. The health risks are increased exponentially.
The only way to win in that game is to refuse to play. I am one of the "lucky few" guys who never played the bar game. I don't believe that I have missed anything that I wouldn't want to miss.
Girls appreciate a guy who is always straight with them. They may not like what you have to say but they know that they don't have to worry about you. And when they do like what you say they know it's genuine. And even if it doesn't work out, mutual respect remains.
They sometimes give you good referrals, or thoughtful reconsideration and a call back, sometimes years later.
When I was 40 I had begun to settle down (just a bit). I jumped into a way-too-quick one year marriage, which was not a good idea but had seemed a good idea at the time.
I then moved on into my mid life crisis phase, Antique Red Corvette, Monster Dirt Bike, Vasectomy, Harleys, Motorcycle Club Membership, Increased Adventuring Activities and all.
I am by nature the slow maturing long developing type. I am 3/4 mixed Scandinavian and 1/4 Original 1738 Pennsylvania Dutch German (which is my direct male blood line , Y-Chromosome).
"Fort Ulrich, Annville PA" (See Google Maps) was built by my 6th Great Grandfather as a stone refuge on his frontier settlement during the French and Indian War. My 5th Great Grandfather served at Valley Forge as an American Revolutionary War volunteer soldier when he was in his 30s. The first building and the land for Lebanon Valley College were donated by my 3rd Great Grandfather.
My dark hair and eyes are from my maternal Grandfather's Sami/Lapp heritage (Extreme Northern Finland Sweden and Norway).
The rest on both sides is "Southern" Swedish, Norwegian, Icelandic, Danish, Faroe Islands and Northern Scot (Vikings).
Being very large but maturing very slowly and gradually was a really bad thing when I was young. It became a great asset as I got older.
When I entered the UK College of Engineering I was 10 years older than the other students. They all thought I was 18 just like them (just really big). They refused to believe me and I actually had to show ID to prove I was 28, not 18.
In my 60s people say I'm in amazingly great shape for a man in his 40s. Good clean living also has it's benefits.
I finally got old enough for the young beautiful girls who had gone on to become beautiful mature women. I like them even better this way. Calmer, less games, relatively emotionally stable(?), physically well developed (if they properly maintain it, as I do), very feminine, easier to get along with.
I was done chasing endless tail and adrenaline (well maybe not the adrenaline)(and maybe not the tail). I found myself becoming more serious about life.
My Old Lady Kat is as sweet as sweet can be. I kidnapped her from a Biker party in 2008. I "had some splainin to do" there too. She had gone to a Biker party, got separated from her friends, and never came home. After being missing for a week, Kat's brother, a Chicago Police Detective, wanted to see me and find out exactly where his little sister had disappeared to. I checked out ok and the mystery was solved.
Kat had married her first boyfriend, her HS Sweetheart. She got Clean & Sober. He is still drinking and drugging very badly 40 years later. We were both Clean, Sober and single for years before we met and we live the recovery life together. Kat has 3 grown children and 4 Grandchildren who we enjoy immensely.
The reason that I mention girls so much is the simple fact that they have played such Incredibly Dramatic Roles and have been such a MASSIVE INFLUENCE in the shaping of my life and destiny.
From the highest of highs to the lowest of lows, and everywhere in between, the females have been right in the middle of it.
At every pivotal juncture, every moment of clarity, at times of Great Joy, in time of need, at times for lessons to be learned, in times of change, at every important milestone, they have been there.
Beautiful Girls, Angels, Messengers, Spirit Guides, Guardian Angels, The Divine Feminine, whatever you want to call them. They have consistently come to me at key moments of my life and touched my soul as no one else ever possibly could.
I absolutely adore them, no matter how difficult they can be. Living life to the fullest is what I'm all about. My core nature, my inner Viking (confirmed by DNA analysis), demands it.
Overall, Life has been good. It has not always been easy (to say the least) but in recovery I have found resilience, strength, serenity, and much fun and excitement.
My personal mottos are: "Anything worth doing is worth overdoing", "I don't care what happens as long as it's not boring", "Let's Do It", "It's Go Time", "If your ass falls off, pick it up, put it in a bag, and take it to a meeting", "Motorcycle Therapy Works" and "It don't mean nothin".
Now in my 60s (miraculously, I didn't expect to see 24), I have been continuously Clean & Sober since 1986, five times as long as I drank & drugged.
Getting Clean & Sober so many years ago I have never seen crack, "designer drugs", needles, fentanyl, or any of the strange new drugs. I hear the horror stories frequently. I am very grateful to have avoided all of that.
I still Run the outside perimeter of the golf course two or three times a week, Lift Weights, Do Yoga (Yeah, I know), Practice Daily Zazen Meditation (plus Motorcycle Therapy), attend regular meetings and STAY SOBER!
I hadn't spoken of this except privately in confidence. I had felt it better to leave it that way. I recently became aware that lack of information had led to wrong information so I have given here a general description. Take it or leave it. There it is.
If you or somebody you know is struggling with alcohol/drug problems, help is not only there, it's GREAT! Make use of it. it's a lot of fun, and it just might save your life.
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