Thomas Allen:  

I was not a snob. A snob is someone who thinks he is better than others. I did not think I was too good for anyone at Wilmer Hutchins High School. Instead, I always felt like the odd man out. I felt left out by the ¿in-crowd.¿ I struggled for a sense of identity and purpose. I knew I was smart. My straight A¿s proved it, but my good grades didn¿t come easily. I did my homework every night. I loved math. I loved the challenge. I wasn¿t striving against anyone else. I was striving for perfection. I never achieved perfection, but perfection was my goal. When I discovered I could never achieve perfection, and when I discovered that there will always be someone who can outdo me, I realized something about myself. I realized I was a fallen creature and that God was greater than I am. Coming to that realization led to a transformation in the way I see myself. I am a sinner in the hand of God, as Jonathan Edwards, my physical ancestor, would say. I discovered, late in life, that great Presyterians are in my bloodline, so it is no wonder that, after wandering over to the Baptist faith, I have returned to my roots. To Sally, Melanie, Bobbie, Brenda, Regina, Sybil, Carol, Donna, Rachel, Cherry, Denise, Peggy, Herlinda, and others whose names I might have forgotten, I didn¿t ignore you. I saw your smiles. I just didn¿t know how to react. I was emotionally unprepared just to treat you as a friend. Please understand how I was raised. I was raised in a rural area. My evenings were spent with my family members. I didn¿t know what it was like to live in a subdivision. I didn¿t have neighbors with girls and boys my age. I played with my brothers and sisters growing up. In high school, my after school activities consisted of track practices with other boys. Those boys were my buddies. Most of you were Baptists. I was Presbyterian. I went to church once a week, and nobody in church other than my family members were from Wilmer Hutchins. You went to church three times a week and formed groups with people who attended church with you. You knew each other because you associated with each other outside the classroom. You didn't know me and I didn't know you because we didn't pursue common interests like church or choir trips outside the classroom. In addition, my parents restricted my dating activities. I wasn¿t allowed to drive alone until I was a junior in high school. By then, I assumed that you had so many dating experiences that I would bore you. I didn¿t know how to treat a girl then. To be quite frank, a lot of the stories I heard in the locker room were of how boys were exploring girls sexually, and I had yet to kiss a girl. I don¿t recall that any of you were mentioned in the conversations, but the imperative seemed to be that a boy should try to go as far as he could with a girl. I was aware of a couple of instances where a girl in whom I had been interested became pregnant and had to leave school. I knew how crushing that was to her and her family, and I knew how crushing it would be for my family. I didn¿t know what girls expected. I was afraid that if I didn¿t at least try something, I would be considered a prude, and if I went too far and got her pregnant, I would disgrace my family. It was much later in my life that I learned to enjoy women as friends. I wish I had known that in high school. When I was in law school, I met the most wonderful women. I learned that having a woman as a friend was like having a male friend, but there was a difference. I could converse with these women about world affairs, politics, music, the general culture, their daily lives, etc., but in the back of my mind, I was evaluating them as a potential wife. I wasn¿t merely testing them. I was being a genuine friend. I was not trying to become involved sexually. I grew up, in a sense. Sexuality took on a larger meaning. It became associated with permanence. It was not the gateway to a permanent relationship. It was the seal of a permanent relationship that had already been established through agreement upon common goals and values. I saw how marriages built community. A man proved himself to the woman's parents and the elders of the church. Only after a man had proven himself worthy was a wedding celebration performed in church. I came to realize that there was no better environment to bring childen into the world than in an environment of supportive parents and a broader church community. I clearly saw the value of restricting sexuality to marriage. I came to revere and honor sexuality within marriage, and I had deep respect for virtuous women who were willing to wait for marriage. To be frank, I feared sexuality as an adolescent. I feared doing something wrong. I feared being laughed at by a girl, for being prudish or inept. I didn¿t want to take the chance and be criticized. I didn¿t want some girl to tell my buddies how bad I was in bed. I am sorry to say, but that is one of the main reasons I did not have a girlfriend in high school. One of you asked me to help you in algebra. You know who you are. You talked with me, face to face, for one hour, during English class, when our teacher was absent. You bared your soul to me. You trusted me. You made me feel human. To look into a girl¿s pretty face for an hour and have her undivided attention meant everything to me. You didn¿t test me sexually. You didn¿t demand that I prove to you my sexual prowess. Simply talking to me, acknowledging that I was a human being, was enough. When you asked me to help you in algebra, you made me feel truly necessary in your life. You thrilled me. I will never forget you. That is all I wanted. I wanted to be significant to just one girl. I didn¿t want to date every girl. I just wanted one girl, but I honestly didn¿t think any girl wanted me. Looking back, I know I was too timid. I saw your smiles. I assume your smile was the open door. You didn¿t reject me. I didn¿t reject you. I simply lacked the courage to approach you. I finally approached one girl in high school. I met her at a track meet in McKinney. She flirted with me so obviously I could not ignore her. I approached her and got her address and phone number. We wrote back and forth before our first date. I have to admit that we kissed deeply on our first date. I felt deeply in love and so did she. However, we did not become sexually involved. The opportunity was there, but I avoided it. I had seen girls get in trouble through pregnancy. I knew what that would mean for my future, so I cut off the relationship before it led to sexual involvement. It wasn¿t worth the risk. My life was transformed as a freshman in college. While searching for life¿s meaning, I met a group of Christians. Their lives exemplified purity, holiness, and genuine friendship. I embraced their life. I want...Expand for more